well you did a good thing by writing about it! basically wwltm have a big black empty hole in our souls that we are trying to fill with things outside of ourselves.....

i think it's a really good plan you have to not go back now and to not cheat again. your husband deserves more respect than that. so if we can agree that this is your issue and you want to get well you just don't know how then lock elbows with us. we get through this together. there is a process, a healing process that starts with exactly what you've written here. "i don't know how to be happy myself" is the password.

it's nice to meet you but for the circumstances. so you've found your people.

what one thing are you willing to do for yourself toward your healing today?? and then tomorrow morning ask yourself if you are in or are you out?? if you're in show up here. if you're out that's okay. you won't forget about us if you aren't done yet.....

no judgment.we are truthfully terrfied of real intimacy and that's why we are as unavailable as the men we lust after. there is something wrong with your marriage for you to go outside of it.....counseling???????? or counseling!!!!!!!! can you go with your husband and at least let them help you sort through your confusion??

i'm really sorry you're in that awful painful longing place. i hated that stage so much. it only is prolonged if we break the no contact. we just have to start again.it is agony. we know......consider yourself group hugged!

Thank you so much for your reply finn. I am in but I just HATE this. I am a WWLTM. I rushed into my relationship with my husband in exactly the same way. Although he is a good guy and has stuck by me he is incapable of showing love. He is a very cold person to live with. He does not even know how to hug a person. It is the old pat on the back. We did counseling once before and it worked well for about a year or two. I want so much more out of life. My guy of 6 weeks showed me more attention then did my husband for all 16 years. Thank you for the group hug. I would give anything to have one of the truly magical hugs my guy always gave me. But I guess there might be other good huggers out there. The good thing is Im so still attached to him that I have no desire to be with anyone else. Just me I guess.

shani, you are deserving of love and attention......and affection.....maybe it's a good thing that you are out so you can sort some stuff out.

our obsessions is usually about avoidance. sheer avoidance. we often do not want to accept a certain reality of our lives so we obsess over these relationships. but it is a fantasy that you had with him. it probably started out wonderfully and was fulfilling and exciting but that is attraction and passion and lust and not really based in reality. real relationships do not last and feel like that whirlwind. love is a slow process.

have you read anything on baggage reclaim yet??? it hink it will help sort some stuff out for you.....

are you avoiding your reality??? hence the affair? the obsession? it's not to invalidate that you are really hot for this new man!!! but we usually are emotionally unavailable and shut down ourselves so he probably just sparking a little fire in you!! horray for you!! that is good news right?? you are capable of fantastic things.....