Very interesting. I like the not denying the negative thoughts. I guess the point is to feel them but not allow them to take over.??

i enjoyed this too..

shani we actually cannot deny our thoughts! negative or positive. i think we have some 50,000 thoughts a day... in fact whatever we resist will persist..

the trick is sort of buddhist, to not attach to anything. let it come and realize it's not the truth, it's just a thought and let it move out...

THE WORK and what we do in coaching is taking a look a the deelpy held thoughts and beliefs that cause our behavior and emotions..... we dig a little deeper b/c we know that every painful emotion is tied to a faulty belief... and then we tell ourselves these thoughts over and over again until we believe we have evidence for them... they become automatic. this causes us ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS!! b/c what we believe we manifest in our lives.

I am learing that resisting anything causes more pain. So by denying those thoughts, we compound the feelings they create?

Finn Could you give me an example: The thoughts I am having are that "I can't stop thinking about the hubby" I have dreams that he is telling me "I am happy let me go." I think I love him only because we spent so much time together, but I don't like living with him and he was not very nice. I am jealous of him and his girlfriend. My thoughts tell me "he is happy and YOU could never make him happy." and they tell me "He has moved on why can't you?" It has been a year since we were together but I just can't stop thinking about him now. Now that we are getting divorced. It makes me feel really sad. He is sharing his life with someone else and does not care about me anymore.

Thanks for sharing that link, Luc. It made me think. I find that I tend to do that a lot--be compelled to look for the positive in something. Now, on one hand that can keep a person from sliding totally into the dumps--for example, a few weeks ago when the mortgage adviser told me that there was no way in hell the bank would approve my loan application, I felt like my heart had sunk pretty darn low. I moped around for a while and then I had to shake myself out of it by cataloging my blessings--of which, when I compare my life to many people--I am extremely fortunate. Even though, however, the author stated a salient point:

"If I constantly suppress certain emotions and feelings within myself, judging them as being "negative" and forcing myself to have more positive thoughts, the message I am sending to my own self is that "my thoughts are wrong. I should not be having these thoughts!" Basically, I am denying who I am, and what I am feeling. This is not a loving thing to do to myself, and neither is it healthy to have all these feelings and emotions bottled up inside. I have since realized that it's more important to be myself than it is to be positive. And as a result, when I am positive, it is genuine and authentic".

I guess there's a balance, and each one of us has to find it for ourselves.

Shani--it sounds like you recognize that you are feeling a lot of conflicting emotions over the fact that your husband moved on. You realize that while you were living with him, he did not meet your needs; that being said, though, it sounds like it's difficult for you to think that someone else would find him attractive/want to be with him (because prior to him moving on you had lost interest in him). When someone moves on this can be an incredibly stressful thing--it can be a soothing feeling to think the previous partner can never find someone who can match up to you (or that no one would find them attractive and thus validate your reason for leaving the partner to begin with). Anyway, I know that this is a difficult time for you. Ultimately only YOU know the cause of your feelings. We're here to support you whatever they are.