Heck!! I think...whatever works, do it!!! We need all the help and "crutches" we can get, eh?!

One of my guided imagery tapes talks me through being in a safe place and allowing people who love me in that safe place with me. One person whom I feel very loved by is regularly in this place with me. I don't care if they are called crutches, we need to feel loved and safe. If your friend's sweater helps, by all mean, take advantage of all it offers.

Oh, Solo, I so hear you on this. I am a single mother, living alone and in a long distance relationship. I am dealing with so many issues right now and have no one in my life right now that I can truly count on, so I am definitely having issues with loneliness and needing comfort, the feel of someone's arms around me. I had a bad time this last weekend and curled up on the couch, pulled my knees into my chest and buried my head in between my arms and it calmed me and soothed me in a way I couldn't believe. I have a tshirt soaked in my bf's cologne, that I sleep with occasionally, when I'm missing him but you gave me an idea to ask for a sweater!

We need to find ways to comfort ourselves, healthy, non-addictive ways since so many of us struggle not just with love addiction, codependency and the way those two things cause many of us to seek our self-worth and self-confidence in other people.

What a great suggestion! Thanks!

I knew you guys would understand. Love ya. Hugs

Thats it exactly arms around me...when I picture that jerk its his arms around me which was not to often..but thats what I have always pictured arms around me..not even him just his arms! I need some arms lol!!! That is so weird..I never thought about it until I read this.

I get that feeling to, it's like a psychic thing. Sometimes I wondered if it was actually him sending me a message. I had a sweater of him with his scent on it from the last time we were together and after he dumped me I didn't dare sniff it and washed it right away. It felt good to not have that crutch.

I study and work within psychiatry and recently came across a product which can be used by people with anxiety and insomnia...to help them sleep. It's a ball quilt....an ordinary quilt in appearance but unusual as it is filled with masses of small, heavy balls....Another variant has heavy chains sewn into the edges making the quilt (blanket) heavy and comforting...see product description below (translated fron Swedish so it may sound a bit odd..!)

Ball Quilt used to better sleep, relax and concentrate. It provides multiple sensory impression and stimulate the mind touch, muscle and tendons. Sensory experience provides a deep relaxation.

I think that is lovely idea. When I was at my Sandra Brown intensive she said that of course we miss be touched and the sexual aspect of the relationship so she suggested getting massages if you are able to afford that or some type of therapetic touch. What ever it takes to HEALTHY self soothe.

This reminded me of my favorite male cologne that I have Always loved and when he found out I loved it he began to wear it. Well, as you all probably know Scent is the most powerful of our senses when it comes to Recall of memory.
Well, when I left him -- I took that cologne and I have been using it as often as I can....I keep a bottle in my car and use it as a car freshener.....I am purposefully RECLAIMING that scent.
Now, when I smell it --- he is not what comes to my mind at all but my car does. => That and an old high-school boyfriend who was the first to wear it....I still think of him sometimes! lol!!

Take back -- reclaim our power -- however we can!

I agree Fenax, I try and go to places that I am afraid to go because we use to go together. I do something different at those places so I have a different memory. I am reclaming my power. The only place I wont go, at least right now, is the pub I know he would be at, I am just not strong enough to run into him right now. Even though I know if he is with another woman its probably him up to his old tricks. It would still hurt me to see them though.

In order for me to reclaim my power it seems like he has to come back so I can tell him to take a hike. The way he did it was so cruel. My main issue is not be able to get any of my power back no matter what I do I feel like it was all taken from me.

@LadyTrue - RE: In order for me to reclaim my power it seems like he has to come back so I can tell him to take a hike.

Not true. Any reply is supply. Telling him to take a hike would feel his ego.

Remember these words from our friend Robin Norwood: 'Anger and hatred toward another person tie us to that person with bonds of iron'

By thinking that you need him to do ANYTHING in order to reclaim your power means you are completely missing the point.

Reclaiming your power means you know that he is was blip in your life, that the only value he had to your life was to show you the hurt that lives inside of you that still needs to heal.

I reclaimed my power when I never called him, texted him, or emailed me after I asked him to leave my house. NEVER. EVER. Not one word from me. When he came around 17 months later and tried to 'friend me' on Facebook and I deleted his request and blocked him. Then he sent me a message from another FB profile and what response did he get from me? ZERO.

Now that is where my power lies. My silence tells him: I see you CLEARLY buddy. You might fool other women over and over with your golden tongue and your easy lies, but you will never fool me again. I have grown way to much for you to even be a temptation.

I listened to Jar of Hearts about 15 times in a row and said: Who do you think you are?

The only reason why the come back around is they think you are in the same head space they left you in. I am ABSOLUTELY not in that same head space.

I swear to you I think I am the only person I know that has never contacted them after calmly telling him to leave even though I was left GUTTED and shredded. Do you know how much power that gives me? It is one of the things I am most proud of in my life.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Hi Connection,

I would never go to a place I knew my xN frequented - he can HAVE it! I fill Reclaim My own Place.
My advice is to steer clear from that pub......remember NC = NO Contact!

Interesting topic about reclaiming power. Places, smells, and music are some that do it for me. I admit that I'm new on here and that I have much to learn about relationships. One thing I have gotten from WWLTM is that I need to focus on my own life. I don't have much of one right now and I struggle with where to begin as it seems most anything costs money. Suggestions?