Music has always been so important to me too. You are absolutely right, most of the love songs really kind of do send a message that 'life is worthless without it'.
Nobody has to agree on this, but for me, let's look at who is writing these songs, rock stars many of whom would likely score very high on having N traits and many of whom even have multiple women at the same time. Bob Dylan was my musical idol until I discovered he was a serial cheater towards his first wife Sara. I know everyone says separate the music from the artist, but I can't. I still enjoy his music, but its sort of tainted for me now, especially his love songs.

Even Phil Spector who wrote Baby I Love you for the Ronettes, has music showcasing a rather unhealthy depiction of love. Lyrics go:
"The night we met I knew I needed you so/ And if I had the chance I'd never let you go/ So won't you say you love me/ I'll make you so proud of me/ We'll make them turn their heads, every place we go."
Not the healthiest depiction of love... o_O .

Granted, Phil as we all know is rather unstable and now a convicted murderer.

I do still like some artists love songs though, such as Paul McCartney's songs. I think he was a truly loving individual and his love songs ring true for me.

I know that was kind of off topic, I tend to go on a rant whenever someone brings up music :P

It is music night at solo's house. Now I get to watch Ike beat up Tina Turner. Oh ya...Ain't love grand?

It has been written that all love songs revolve around either the first 6 months of the relationship, i.e., the honeymoon or the break-up; nothing in between.

Romance addicts (Solo - hae you ever read the book Escape from Intimacy - the part about romance addicts is fascinating). Romance addicts love fantasy above all else. The author, who is therapist will not let her RA patients listen to love songs or watch romantic movies for a certain period of time.

We all have so many societal messages that we simply have to disconnect from. Starting with Disney movies that Prince Charming is going to come and we are going to live happily ever after and messages that we are not complete unless we are part of a couple, etc. etc. And love songs that preach that love is going to make us whole and complete is one of the messages. We have to be whole and complete BEFORE we will allow healthy love in. Not the other way around!!!

The only type of love that doesn't fizzle out, that is firm, unchangeable and unconditional is God's love for us.....knowing who He is, and what you are, and can be, in Him, leads to healthy, true love....that's what I believe anyway....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKmdIdQg3Ks

This is off topic and please forgive me if this seems like I'm reading too much into solo60's words. I agree about the love stories/songs observations... how about that your favorite chore was ironing?? it's the pysical manifestation of trying to "smooth things over" and "get the wrinkles out"... just too iron-ic. Made me wonder if you played the role of "fixer" when you were a child.

I've long been fascinated with how the injuries of childhood can dictate a person's choice throughout their lives. Once I became aware of my patterns (as they related to my childhood traumas) there was a point when I wondered if I had any freewill at all. Was I destined to being a slave to working out my childhood injuries in every choice I made as an adult? I've heard that sometimes indiviuals who select careers in the helping professions...nurses, doctors, psychologists, physical therapists, etc. have a tendency toward co-dependency and being WWL2M. Just an observation for whatever it's worth. xo, ali

Alegria, I don't think you're off target at all but wow! How insightful about the ironing. I missed that one and I usually over analyze .I too believe that a good part of our adult behavior is linked to our childhood. In fact, most of it. And I'm not totally convinced that we can do much about changing ourselves that much even when we do make the connections. I most definitely am convinced that NPD is linked to non nurturing at a crucial development stage....five, maybe six years old. I don't think I would have considered myself a "fixer" at a young age but I certainly was and still am detail oriented and somewhat of a perfectionist. Hence the perfectly ironed, white starched shirts and the razor sharp pleats etc. but I certainly became a "fixer" as I grew older. I was a daddy's girl. Anything in the way of guiding influence came from my dad and my dad was a true, life- long fixer. One of his most used expressions was "if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem" I settled on child psychology as a major with a concentration in autism. That didn't last long when I discovered it was a condition that didn't have a "fix". And when my best guy friend at the children's facility where we interned committed suicide cause he couldn't "fix" things either. I ended up in labor law handling all the tough cases nobody else could handle. You helped me see something about myself today. You helped me understand why I'm having such a hard time letting go of a failed relationship with a Narc. He warned me. Big Red Flag, early-on. "Don't try to change me" he said. I, of course, in true "fixer" fashion, ignored that. Fix what? I couldn't even see anything wrong with him at first. But oh, I would...eventually. He played Mr. Perfect for about a year. That was as long as he could sustain the illusion. Then the mask came off and boy, there was plenty to fix. That's Ok. I was willing. It was MS FIXER TO THE RESCUE!. Ha. Think again. But now I can see why it's so hard for me to forget about him. He was something I couldn't fix and God knows I'm not a quitter. I'm holding on so I can have another chance TO FIX. No. I can't do that. It won't work. He isn't fixable. My logical mind grasps it but my unconscious mind fights it. I need to thank you so much, Alegria. Something you said was said in just the right way and something registered deep in my psyche this morning. I'm not done with this emotional pain, way any means but you helped move me along in the right direction. You ALL have been the greatest group. I'm very fortunate to have found you.

I totally was thinking about this the other day in the store. I was getting very irritated at the music blasting in and how the verbiage was such a bunch of bullshit. If I hear one more song about how a woman needs a man or she is going to die I'm going to slap someone! I started thinking that this stuff is brainwashing people and sending the wrong message out. Happily ever after bullshit, codependant love songs, jealousy narcissistic abusive mantras...as if it is normal for men to behave like this.
Then I come home to see Dr. Phil with three young studs that are speaking quite frankly about using females for sex and dont' use protection and think it is all about them... They only use condoms if they think the girl is a slut, not ever even thinking about that they should think about protecting the NON slut from a disease he may be picked up...OMG it is all so disenheartening...

I'm sure I'm not alone in my thinking on this....I think it's getting worse as we go along. Especially the music of today. Now, before somebody says "our parents said the same thing back in the 60's or 70's" or whatever, I will say that I clearly remember all of that but I often think to myself that some of the abuse and treatment extolled today is a backlash of the women's movement. When we started making demands for equality in the workplace especially, men started looking at other ways to exercise male control. This is waaaayyyyyy off topic. Just Sunday mornin' comin' down.

I dont' know there are so many factors...the way you are raised being th biggest one I think. Generally society's view on male vs female doesn't seem to have changes if you pay attention to the media - news, movies, music, etc. But there are people out there trying to see it differently - equally, but I don't think those voices are heard in the main stream...