You are at a crossroads. This is about you and that precious little one of yours. Chase your dreams and follow your heart. Peace to you my friend!

im losing strength because i feel tired, i feel that darkness of depression creeping up on me, waiting till i am weak to take over, because i am leaving my safe place. the fear creeps in, and i feel afraid i am making the wrong choice. that things will work out, that he is right, i need to learn to chill out. that what am i really complaining about? hes right, i have nothing to be unhappy about. he stays at home, watches my daughter for me, he doesnt hurt me.... that eventually he will want a kid, but he really expressed that he didnt earlier.
im afraid. and when i am afraid i long for my safe spot. but my safe spot is what im leaving from.
i want to feel some kind of passion again. something. i want someone to look at me with desire again. not just hey, i wanna have sex. i want someone to come home and have him be happy to see me. and be exited when i do things for them. and be exited to do things with me.

half of me feels like im being ridiculous and reaching for a star or fantasy relationship that doesnt exist instead of being happy with what i have.
the other half longs for all those things i just talked about. longs to achieve goals. longs to succeed and continue to change and grow every day of my life.

Listen to your gut Dracona....................what is it telling you? Go with your gut. I have never listened to mine. Lesson learned. Good to have you back here girl xxx

Dracona I wished we lived across the steet from each other. I want to just hug you and let you talk.

Dracona, Your safe place needs to come from within. Relationship based safety will always leave you on unsteady ground. HUGZ

Thanks everyone. you all are my saving grace. You are so right rayvyn. i had that once. i was ready to face the world alone, but i let him in, and even then i knew that this would happen eventually. i knew i would never be as happy as i could be with him. but i hoped. I hindered myself by accepting him in. he was all i had. i had no one else to call, no one else to help, and i accepted him. Im afraid of myself.
whats really got me, is that this guy that flirted with me, ignited a passion in me that i havent felt in a long time. and i went home and was very sad, sad that i couldnt feel that way. sad that i dont see that in his eyes.
i dont want a relationship. i want time alone. but im also afraid for my job. i feel like im walking out blindfolded into the unknown.

I wanna hug too... LOL, and maybe a bottle of cheap wine. ugh. it hurts. im sad. so much time passed.
you know, if i had been alone the whole time, now would probably be the time that i started wanting to date again. 3 years. its been nearly 3 years since my ex ditched me. and its been just as long since i felt a fire in my heart. I love Austin. i love how genuine a person he is. i feel guilty that it isnt working. i feel like its me. like i will never be happy and im throwing it all away.

Learning to love ourselves can be a very difficult process but true love and joy (the kind that comes from within) depends on it. It is that unconditional love that comes from the inside out that changes how you see outside influences but how you view yourself as well. None of us are guaranteed an easy passage in this journey of life. It is the trials of our lives that strengthen our character. Someday you will learn to embrace the challenges of the unknown. HUGZ my love!!

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Helen Keller

I can only tell you that I left a good guy after living with him for 8 years and I have never regretted it. He was super successful, we lived in a beautiful house, he was kind, considerate and thoughtful; beyond that he treated me like a queen, but we lost the passion and we could not get it back. It was like living with my brother.

It was really hard, because there were no bad guys in the scenario. He was a good man and I was a good woman, that alone does make a relationship strong or whole. Of course it is scary. I lived in my dream house with a huge country kitchen complete with fireplace and pool in the backyard. I remember thinking: I wonder if I will ever have a house this nice again? And a housekeeper and a yard guy, etc. etc. and then I thought: What good does all of that do me if I am unfufilled.

And even though I went from one of the finest, kindest and most intelligent man I have ever met to the deplorable, treacherous xn, I still do not have regrets. If that relationship was meant to be I would not have felt so conflicted in it. And neither would you.

Of course you cannot have unrealistic expectations of any particular relationship, but your current relationship is not that.

I hurt. We talked. We broke up. I'm so sad. We still have to live together. I want to curl in a ball. I need a distraction or something. My heart hurts. But nothing can ever hurt me like my ex did. I've never broke up with someone just cause it wasn't working. I feel horrible. He isn't mad at me. We both agreed to stay friends. He will still be dad to my daughter. She needs a stable roll model. And he does love her. He can always be there for her. We might get back together sometime. But we both have issues to work on personally. By getting with him when I did I was robbed of the chance to really be on my own. And heal on my own. To know I was strong enough alone. I've gotten over my ex but not what he did tpo me. There is a lot of emotional scars. My heart still skips a beat when I see him driving around town. There are scars that run as deep as the ocean in my soul. Pain from the past and of lost futures. I need to feel alive again. I need to be spontaneous and take trips and do what I want as I feel I want it. And figure out if I like it or not. Like on runaway bride. I need to figure out what kind of eggs I like. Or if I like them at all. But I miss him. Maybe we can be together. Maybe he will figure out what he wants and who he wants to be. The him not wanting another child is a huge issue. I want what was stolen from me my first pregnancy. I want a family. With someone who wants to be family

Hi. I think that you were brave and strong and honest to do what you have done and put your needs, your dream of a family first and foremost. I think that I could learn a lot from that type of courage to be true to yourself in a relationship.

Thanks starry. But I don't feel that way right now. I've never done this before. It was always because something horrible happened. A couple times I got lucky and he went to jail for years and that kept me away. I've never broken up with someone I love. I hope it ends up like susy says that I don't regret it. Because there isn't any Passion. Rarely was. I miss him. Everything screams in me that its not right. That we can change. That he will grow to want a family and move beyond this point. But that's the old way of thinking that got me in trouble. Things should always be changing. Growing. Evolving. When that stops there is a problem. Love,is limitless. And if you feel you've gone as far as u can... then what?

I'm thinking of you cos the pain is horrendous. I remember it and I am terrified of going through it again if this current relationship ends but I also remember the relief that came eventually from the endless agony. Just hold on.

I'm trying. It's not that the relationship was bad. It just wasn't good. I'm so depressed right now.

So proud of you Dracona. The hardest part is over with. You laid your soul bare which is very hard to do. You will find yourself now that you have the space to do it. Sending you hugs and strength girl xxx