Great idea, this group helped me a lot in the early stages of my unwanted breakup. I did realize that it does tend to run hot and cold tho, so we need to keep it going. My hope is the ladies are doing so well in their healing that they don't need to post so much. I Know I'm doing much better than when I stumbled upon this site but I still read and post on occasion. Thank you for starting the group!!!!!!

Sometimes, our online friends are all we have those restless nights and anxiety filled days. especially with abusers, because they isolate us.

I honestly feel that a lot of what I'm going thru right now is stupid compared to what brought me to the board in the first place/what others are going thru. So I don't post about it. It just seems too trivial. I thought about posting some quotes from the WWLTM book but I'd have to get it again from the library.

I do need this group though, still a lot. Until I meet a good man, I need this board to keep my head on straight. It's too easy to get sucked back in, or believe what I want to believe.

I have noticed in my journey, from what brought me here til now, is that you are never really "cured" and have to be diligent and ready to deal with your emotions, especially with PTSD. need to be strong enough to say, this is a potentially triggering situation, and loving yourself enough to know its ok to say you need to step back or are not comfortable without having to justify. if someone respects us as a person and really enjoys and wants us, they would give us that. if we fail to do this... we fall into the whole cycle over again.

We really do have to learn to love ourselves enough to say NO and not matter what someone else thinks. and know ourselves enough to say "i'm worth more than this". and face the fact we may be rejected or lonely.

We have to be ok, and happy even, to be completely alone.

I was there... it was beautiful. I loved myself, and holy crap the things I can accomplish with confidence!!! I had no idea what a cool person I was!! and that thousands of people would think so too! I'm a great leader, i'm innovative and smart, i can put connections together that most never thought of that work and open up new viewpoints. I found wonderful friends.

But I slipped and fell into that hole again... and it wasn't just him getting sick and almost dying...

I should have left long before that was an excuse. I should have walked out the door the first time he EVER disrespected me in such a way as calling me a nigger whore or a cunt. I made a mistake... I gave him a chance. I allowed myself to be warped to his viewpoint. He was angry, i mean, my ex ran him over with a truck and got off with no charges... so i made an excuse. wrong move. NEVER. because there is NEVER a reason to talk to someone that way unless you are ready to fight til the death. ESPECIALLY, not a loved one. It was unacceptable regardless of circumstances. I should have packed my shit, kissed my stepson goodbye and told him I would find him when he was older, and walked out the fucking door.

now i'm stuck back in this fucking hole of anxiety and depression and whirlwind.

but something I had started to say before all this happened, is you can only fly as far as you can fall... well, apparently I have some more falling to do so I can soar higher.

Hi all. I keep checking in every so often--though don't find myself contributing so much. Mostly I journalize and share with a few trusted friends on the site. I owe my sanity to the book, though--but even more so to discovering this website. So I thank you, Dracona, from the bottom of my heart, for starting it up.

I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist man. It wasn't until I'd been in the relationship for several years that I realized this. Though I don't have high expectations from him per say, I have learned not to take any shit, and I'd say I'm in a much different place now than I was five years ago. He thinks I have the "upper hand"--but in narcissist-speak, that just means that they can't pull the wool over your eyes any more.

He has never cheated on me or hit me or any of that stuff, but he's got the classic narcissistic traits; self-centred, sensitive to criticism, arrogant, cocky (I guess arrogant and cocky are the same thing), highly critical of others, tries to show how smart he is about everything, and so on. That being said, I found that once I stopped playing into his games he got a LOT better. When I called him on his shit (at the risk of him possibly walking away from the relationship) he made a STRONG effort to change. It came down to who was more afraid of losing whom, and I was willing to lose him--he wasn't willing to lose me, though. So I suppose in that sense I have the upper hand. So because of that I wouldn't say--at least at this time--that narcissists are hopeless per say. Sociopaths are hopeless, though.

Prior to this guy I was in relationships where the guys took it a step too far; both my ex-husband and my boyfriend prior to my current one had sex with prostitutes while they were in a relationship with me. After I found out about the hookers, I hung onto the relationship with my ex-husband for over a year before I pulled the plug on it. With my ex bf I hung on for about 3 months before I axed the relationship. So improvement, I guess, lol.

What I'm working on now is a concept called "containment", where you are careful who you share your deeply personal, fragile stuff with--or anything, for that matter. I am realizing now that I used to share way too much way too quickly with people, and thus run the risk of being taken advantage of. Also, I became online friends with this lady in Australia who could afford a good therapist and she shared what the therapist told her with me--so that was super helpful.

I'm trying to be positive these days and not slip into the whole self-pity/bitterness trap--not so much The Law of Attraction as It Just Feels Better, regardless if I actually get the things I pine after or think I want. Also, I started thinking a lot about self-protection and self-respect, feeling ok with crossing my arms in new situations and not feeling like I had to pretend I was an open book. I am trying to learn not to smile and be "nice" when in reality I should be keeping my cards closer to me. Finn--a member who has contributed a lot to this group had suggested this book that was about not being a "nice girl" who gets taken advantage of. I have been putting the concepts to work, but I'm also trying to balance that with not letting my light, love, and joy that is so me be hidden. My friend in Australia highlighted that aspect when I was telling her about the book about learning not to be so nice. So it's a goddamn juggling job,trying to get my act together. Mostly I'm just trying to be happy, though.

Good to hear from those who responded, as well. We're all at different points in this journey but I think that Dracona struck upon a key point, that recovery is a permanent thing when you have this malady. We are constantly re-evaluating our boundary sensors, who we are attracted to, and how we interact with others.

I am so glad Dracona that you are back! This place holds a special place in my heart. It helped me like no other when I realized my ex was an N and I can't even express the stabilizing supportive environment that this place was for me. How strange that I just recently came back to check on it and now you are back too! The Universe is supporting us my friends! More later...

I agree Dracona. Hi Blueshoes2

Hi IMWHOLEAGAIN! :) Nice to see familiar names!

Hi , I just wanted to say that I am so grateful for this group. Thank you Dracona. I haven't been here for a while but come by sometimes to know I'm not alone. I left my N for the 3rd or 4th time a year ago. I plan on moving out of state and mentioned to my sister that I shouldn't feel guilty since I live 2 miles away and he hasn't made an effort to see his son in a year. She went off at me. Like how could I even think of him after what he's done. I ended up crying. I don't know why I care. But at least I do, if I didn't I would be like him. I'm good with moving on and starting a new life. I guess I'm still just emotional and I don't know how to explain it to family. Anyways, Merry Christmas everyone! Hopefully I can learn to move on emotionally as well as physically. Thanks for all the support on this site :)

It's good to see everyone, and know this group has done so much for so many of us as intended. Recovery is permanent. I just realized this group is almost 9 years old... wow.

Wow this is exciting to find. I'll put a link on the facebook page someone created on the book.