Maybe you have grown up….maybe you are realising what you are worth….
maybe you are realising you deserve better., the best.
maybe you are realising you won't get it with him.

My friend has just had twins at 46 so don't give up hope.
I married someone i shouldn't have to have children. Its not good and will end in tears.
Sounds like you two are done.
Look around you, there are so many opportunities other than him!

xxx

Maybe what is supposed to happen, is happening.
Don't question it. Go with the change..

One thing that I have found that has helped me enormously is to give myself TIME. Even though my age is bothering me a bit only because of the "statistics" and not because of getting older I have allowed myself time. Taking it a day at a time...

YES. Absolutely.

You and I are are the same age, Belle. I get it. I do have a child but I still feel like I could be so much further in life. But what the hell does that even mean?
I want a house, a better car, a better salary, another child, a dog in the yard..etc.
It's all crap and none of it is sustainable, none of it will fulfill us.

Missmom you are exactly right. I once told myself I wanted all that stuff too, the big house with the picket fence in the nice neighborhood. Well I went after it and got it. But it did not turn out like I thought. I was trying to fill my empty space with things. I rushed into a life with someone I barely knew.

Now my son is 17 and some of the best times we have shared are NOT the ones in that house but now. Because now I can be a real mom and THAT is what is important. I worry about what those first 5 to 10 years of his life will do to him later in life. They were full of turmoil. I did not know how to love a child because I did not know how to love me. We often forget that that is all we ever really wanted from our own parents was love.

I grew up with both parents in a decent house with boats and cars and campers and dance classes. But my parents were never really present. They were work aholics and did not know how to show love. I will never forget the dance classes. I hated them because my mother would not show up to pick me up until everyone had gone home and the street lights were coming on because it was getting dark. I would wait on the curb for her to show up. Feeling abandoned and not worthy of being picked up on time like all the other kids.

So be careful about the family thing. The best thing you can do is find the right guy, get a healthy relationship and try to be the best parent you can. All the other stuff does not really matter in the long run.

Shani - Your dance class memory has me thinking again about where the hell did my relationship dysfunction start. I was the oldest child and the only daughter. I was required to take care of myself and my siblings very early on..too early. My parents would never show up for many of my events. I often had to walk home all by myself after my events while it was within walking distance of our house I was often scared but did it anyway. In the years since childhood my Mother has never been there for me or had the attitude that she was going to help me with anything. Her common response is What are you going to do? Not what can I do to help or even better, that she has an idea to help me out. That is not how she operates. She is a narcissist through and through...she will contact me to tell me about her new hair cut, new leggings, her surgery, new supplement regimen and rarely remember to ask how I am doing. I live 1500 miles away for the past 17 years and she has visited me twice! Once because I was in a major-should-have-been-dead on arrival-accident and my then BF forced her to come and then another time when I insisted she come and bought her ticket. Other than that she knows zilch about my life or what I live like.