Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
What triggered it: Watching a couple kiss on tv so passionately. The last time M and I kissed like that was too long ago. And I realized that I want that passion and deep love more than anything. I could never have that wih M. He's too cold, too barren. I thought i could somehow love him into loving me but I can't. I really really can't and that, my friends, is what saddens me the most. That I have zero control over him. My love isn't enough.
For whatever reason, he will never be the partner I want and deserve.
This has to stop
For whatever reason, he will never be the partner I want and deserve.
This has to stop
My ex actually never looked me in the face when we made love. He did not kiss easily or deeply. Sex was in the dark and disconnected. Not really 'bad', just an act and not an act of passion or anything resembling sensuality.
I am very sensual and had grown so comfortable in my own skin in this way.
I felt very sexy and attractive before this relationship.
In the beginning, he told me frequently that I was sexy and then it stopped. I actually had a feeling of embarrassment. I could not seduce him. I don't think it matters to him really. Strangely enough, he was still occasional lovers with his ex when we started up (BIG F---G mistake on my part not seeing that as a major red flag) and he conveyed to me that sex was never a problem between them. If that is true, then he stopped finding me attractive.
I had two loving, sexual, affectionate partners previously--one for seven years, one for three. I was totally safe and calm in those relationships. We just had other issues (largely my own--incompatibility).
It is absolutely emotional suicide to want someone who doesn't kiss you with passion.
when I feel really down I visualize a warm white blanket of love from my higher power wrapping itself around me. you are not alone.
In M's case, I thought it was his physical handicap that made him insecure about sex. It was teh same for us, in teh dark, disconnected, hardly any kissing, he was not adventurous (and I am)...and it was infrequent. I was starved. And like you I grew to be very embaressed, no longer felt like seducing him. But more fckd up than that, I would ask for sex sometimes, and he woudl taunt me. Like in the morning, he had to leave for work at 5am so he'd curl up behind me and tease me, all the while knowing he had to go. This is after weeks with no sex. Cruel. Sick. I never understood why he did that to me.
He isn't the best lover, I've had way better. Somehow though, I WANTED SO BADLY to please him.
Same for me, in the beginning, he couldn't get enough of me. It was insane. Then it just stopped. He hasn't paid me a compliment in months. Not one.
Swelsha, thank you for your kind words. I plan on getting stronger. I have to. I don't want to be alone or with losers anymore. I'm so tired.
When I read this post, I could relate entirely. You are in the stage where you're beginning to process the truths. You're starting to get over the fantasy and when I was in that stage, I believe I suffered the most. Here is some good news: this realization (the one about how he will never be what you need) is SO painful, but necessary to get you to the next stage (much less painful over here by the way).
I'm here for you. You're just one step behind where I am (you're in early stage No Contact, still sort of on the fence about it and haven't yet blocked his numbers or taken steps to rid him of your life or cut ties) but I believe you are SO CLOSE. We all come to it in our own time. That's for sure.
I broke No Contact once early on, thinking somewhere in the back of my mind that I was the exception...it backfired in ways I can't describe and I was in even more pain. If you can (and I know how hard this is, trust me) I suggest not setting yourself up for anymore let-downs from this guy. STAY STRONG SISTER. Lots of love to you today as you forge on.
you are definately evolving. Could not be prouder of you! :) xo