Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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It Keeps Escalating

QueenBee
QueenBee

My observations are


that he wants to keep things in a chaotic state/ unclear/ unresolved to create a distance between us.


that I am best understood by him and our best conversations are when I am emotionally detached, cold.


that what he cares about most is his image and he become very agressive when he saw a threat in me, that I would unmask him. He is capable of destoying me for that.


that he lies even though I cannot prove it.


that he plays the victim.


that he engages in crazy making behavior and than I apologize to him for acting like crazy because it is a soft spot since I have borderline personality disorder.


that he repeats my words and mirrors me


that he admits something only when confronted several times and then says he has always said it.


that he wants this relationship but refuses to admit he is present in it.


that I would be better off without him and that deep inside I know I would feel okay with no contact with him for good.




QueenBee
QueenBee
I shared this here and not as a journal entry because I know some of you guys know a lot about narc. abuse and I could use support on how to exit a relationship with a covert narc. Thank you.
artgrrl
artgrrl
Queenbee, I am not borderline personality but yes, this is relevant to all of us in relationships with narcissists (I think that this board should be renamed "Those who are addicted to the pain proliferated by narcissists". Thank you for sharing your observations. It is a toxic and destructive paradigm, one that I am currently in but hopefully, as I keep facing a realistic analysis of this situation I am in I will move forward and leave this chaos behind. It is as surely an addiction as any addiction manifests itself.
QueenBee
QueenBee
Thank you. I came across the term "narc. abuse" on Youtube and realized that it is exactly it.
It is their chaos. Not ours. It had nothing to do with me. It was all about image, power and control.
loveandkate
loveandkate
Thank you for sharing this - it is so relatable. Sounds exactly like narcissistic manipulation and abuse, which you hella don't need. What is preventing you from breaking up with him? Do you feel you may have a love addiction or codependency issue? You don't have to type an answer to my question - just, whatever gut response you have, follow that trail. Deep Google. After I went no contact with a few narcissists that were in my life (lol yup, I had to catch 'em all, from romantic interests to female friends to colleagues), I ended up finding the YouTube videos and books of a codependency/ACoA life coach named Lisa A. Romano who has opened doors for me that no therapist ever had. Not saying she must be the match for you, just saying follow what speaks to you. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
QueenBee
QueenBee
Thank you for the recommendation. I will have a look.
iamheretoo
iamheretoo
Queen. My abuser was a narc. Everything he did was to manipulate me and keep control. He enjoyed making me feel bad and lowering my self esteem because it kept me dependent on him and him in control of me.

I finally left when my job became aware of his violence. Otherwise I'd probably still be there going through the cycle with him.

The night I left he was in full panic. But it seemed fake. It was like he was incapable of any "real" emotion. It was just his method of manipulating me to stay. When it didn't work he turned vicious.

Anyway. I hope you find the courage to get away. Give yourself at least a chance at happiness.
QueenBee
QueenBee
I am very sorry for what you have gone through. And thank you. He was wearing a mask for this entire time. He was searching for useful connections to promote his upcoming film, he is a filmmaker and I warned him that I had nothing to contribute and that I an in a pretty bad shape all together but he stayed and lovebombed me till it suited him and then he started devaluating me and abusing me and I know I am not going to contact him again and I hope he doesn't either.