Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
The reason I haven't posted in so long is... I haven't known what to say. For those of you still here who know me I always have something to say.
In 2013 my abusive ex came back. We had been broken up for 8 months. I was in school working on my BA. my daughter and I were happy and in a safe and stable environment. We had enough money to take care of ourselves and life was generally ok. I had started hanging out with an old male friend named Rick, though we were not dating or sexually active, just hanging out and letting kids play. I invited him over to make christmas ornaments.
My ex shows up... he had been texting me for weeks non-stop and had been told by friends, roomates, and family alike to leave me be. I wouldn't reply and told him if he continued that a restraining order would be issued after the weekend. So he shows up at my house, in the middle of nowhere. It takes cops at best an hour to get out there. Rick went out to tell him to leave and that cops were being called...
Rick didn't make it halfway down the driveway before my ex ran him over with his truck.... TWICE. first time popping him on the hood, brake checking him off, and running over him again. Then tried for a third time.
They had never met... My ex knew nothing... about Rick, for all he knew he could have been the neighbor out for a morning walk to check the mail down the long shared driveway.
Long story short, my ex was arrested, released 5 days later to continue his "school". he was in ROTC to become an Army Officer. I was denied a restraining order and told by the prosecutor I was not a victim even though I had hundreds to thousands of threatening texts and that he would not leave me alone and clearly trespassed. My ex got off with a negligent driving. Crime victims application was denied, because it was "just a negligent driving." The civil attorney Rick and I had sent us a letter in the mail signing off the case after 9 months and refuses to give us a reason. Insurance won't pay anything because USAA does not cover "intentional acts of violence", even though the charges were dropped no matter how hard we tried to press them.
Rick suffered internal injuries that led to him nearly dying a year later from ruptured organs. He woke up from the hospital a different person. He was now acting like the worst narcissist and uncaring soul I had EVER met. But i thought it was the pain... I stuck by him...
Until this Rick was the most kind and caring man i thought i knew, i had known him for ten years working together.
He turned into a worse monster than the one he thought he saved me from. That or maybe he always was a monster and the near death experiences just worked out in his favor. I dont know which.
I graduated with my BA in Psychology. I founded the start of a non-profit that I have dreamed of since I was a child. Its a non-profit riding academy for disabled vets and people who wish to compete in adaptive sports with horses.
I became a published inspirational author.
I was ready to take on the world, positive in what I was doing... I felt like I had overcome my childhood and abusive past. I was HAPPY...
I was also ignoring the fact that Rick was being worse and worse. I thought it would get better... he was hurting... he was already disabled when he was hit by that truck... What kind of woman would I be if i just left him? and what about his son? the boy i took in as my own son? I had a family.
Well... he got worse to the point of throwing knives and breaking things. put me down so far I don't even know my own name anymore. I had broken my back and while healing he even pushed me into the closet then blamed me cause the doors broke. Screamed at the kids to look at me and that I wasn't a real mom or good person. Started accusing me of sleeping with everyone, of stealing from him and neglecting the family for my "horse dreams".
Then comes the devalue and discard. He kicked me out. I have no income now... and im so broke i cant even get to work if i got a job.
Told all of our friends that I stole from him, cheated on him, and all he did was work his ass off so I could have horses and finish my degree...
Says I abandoned him and his son...
I'm so lost now...
I don't know what to say or do. the PTSD and anxiety is controlling everything now. i can hardly go to a grocery store... ive had anxiety, but never this bad for this long... I can't get into a real doctor to help... nothing seems to help...
I feel like I am losing myself, and I am afraid. I have nowhere to go... I am homeless with my daughter and can't even get her new boots for christmas cause all her stuff has holes in it..
I really don't know what to do. I have no one to turn to.... he has aliented me from EVERYONE. either he has threatened their lives, had their computers hacked to scare them...
Cops wont do anything. look what happened last time anyways. and I don't have the money for a restraining order, which automatically means he wins cause he does have money.
In 2013 my abusive ex came back. We had been broken up for 8 months. I was in school working on my BA. my daughter and I were happy and in a safe and stable environment. We had enough money to take care of ourselves and life was generally ok. I had started hanging out with an old male friend named Rick, though we were not dating or sexually active, just hanging out and letting kids play. I invited him over to make christmas ornaments.
My ex shows up... he had been texting me for weeks non-stop and had been told by friends, roomates, and family alike to leave me be. I wouldn't reply and told him if he continued that a restraining order would be issued after the weekend. So he shows up at my house, in the middle of nowhere. It takes cops at best an hour to get out there. Rick went out to tell him to leave and that cops were being called...
Rick didn't make it halfway down the driveway before my ex ran him over with his truck.... TWICE. first time popping him on the hood, brake checking him off, and running over him again. Then tried for a third time.
They had never met... My ex knew nothing... about Rick, for all he knew he could have been the neighbor out for a morning walk to check the mail down the long shared driveway.
Long story short, my ex was arrested, released 5 days later to continue his "school". he was in ROTC to become an Army Officer. I was denied a restraining order and told by the prosecutor I was not a victim even though I had hundreds to thousands of threatening texts and that he would not leave me alone and clearly trespassed. My ex got off with a negligent driving. Crime victims application was denied, because it was "just a negligent driving." The civil attorney Rick and I had sent us a letter in the mail signing off the case after 9 months and refuses to give us a reason. Insurance won't pay anything because USAA does not cover "intentional acts of violence", even though the charges were dropped no matter how hard we tried to press them.
Rick suffered internal injuries that led to him nearly dying a year later from ruptured organs. He woke up from the hospital a different person. He was now acting like the worst narcissist and uncaring soul I had EVER met. But i thought it was the pain... I stuck by him...
Until this Rick was the most kind and caring man i thought i knew, i had known him for ten years working together.
He turned into a worse monster than the one he thought he saved me from. That or maybe he always was a monster and the near death experiences just worked out in his favor. I dont know which.
I graduated with my BA in Psychology. I founded the start of a non-profit that I have dreamed of since I was a child. Its a non-profit riding academy for disabled vets and people who wish to compete in adaptive sports with horses.
I became a published inspirational author.
I was ready to take on the world, positive in what I was doing... I felt like I had overcome my childhood and abusive past. I was HAPPY...
I was also ignoring the fact that Rick was being worse and worse. I thought it would get better... he was hurting... he was already disabled when he was hit by that truck... What kind of woman would I be if i just left him? and what about his son? the boy i took in as my own son? I had a family.
Well... he got worse to the point of throwing knives and breaking things. put me down so far I don't even know my own name anymore. I had broken my back and while healing he even pushed me into the closet then blamed me cause the doors broke. Screamed at the kids to look at me and that I wasn't a real mom or good person. Started accusing me of sleeping with everyone, of stealing from him and neglecting the family for my "horse dreams".
Then comes the devalue and discard. He kicked me out. I have no income now... and im so broke i cant even get to work if i got a job.
Told all of our friends that I stole from him, cheated on him, and all he did was work his ass off so I could have horses and finish my degree...
Says I abandoned him and his son...
I'm so lost now...
I don't know what to say or do. the PTSD and anxiety is controlling everything now. i can hardly go to a grocery store... ive had anxiety, but never this bad for this long... I can't get into a real doctor to help... nothing seems to help...
I feel like I am losing myself, and I am afraid. I have nowhere to go... I am homeless with my daughter and can't even get her new boots for christmas cause all her stuff has holes in it..
I really don't know what to do. I have no one to turn to.... he has aliented me from EVERYONE. either he has threatened their lives, had their computers hacked to scare them...
Cops wont do anything. look what happened last time anyways. and I don't have the money for a restraining order, which automatically means he wins cause he does have money.
I'm really sorry to hear about all that has happened wtih this guy Rick. The scariest thing to me is how he could be your friend for a decade and suddenly become this way. The way he treated you is awful to read and heartbreaking.
Don't give up. Can you get to a shelter for abused women? You will be safe from him there. The most important thing right now is just that - your safety. Hide out until one day he starts moving on. The most iimportant thing your daughter needs is love - tell her how much you love her. Maybe you can get donated clothing from the shelter.
A shelter I think can help you find a job. Maybe help you get to a job. Whatever you do, don't give up. I'm so inspired to hear that you started your non-profit riding academy and became a published author. The best revenge is your own success. Fight for your dream back, for you and your daughter. Where this time he won't ruin things. Don't give up. You are worth it!
Big hugs,
goingup
Its not the job so much as my anxiety is out of control. I was just offered a job and i'm going to take it, but I am very nervous cause I have been having severe panic attacks and havent seen a doctor yet cause no available appts. It just seems like I keep running into brick walls...
I don't know what happened with Rick... Its so crazy making, especially adding in the hospital near death with it all. Its like I want to be mad, and say fuck him hes a narcissist and he hurt me and doesn't deserve my thoughts. I know what I am going through, I know the processes behind it. I am going through stockholm syndrome and cognitive dissonance. and such that I have never gone through before... and its causing my crippling anxiety.
My degree poses a bit of a problem with this, because I do know so much about my conditions. and I know.. after everything that I have tried, that I need xanax or something very strong to get me through the days I have severe panic attacks like this. I need something I can take when i feel it coming on, until I can get to a better spot and get a handle on myself.
It's been a very long time and I don't know if you remember me but I was also on this sight back in 2011-2012 and I am so sorry you are in this position. About your anxiety...I found this fantastic CD that really helped me with mine back then. It is by an Australian author Dr. Claire Weekes - Pass through Panic. She also has a book Hope and Help for your Nerves. They both helped immensely and much better than Xanax only because once the Xanax wore off I always felt more anxious than when I first felt it. The Cd in particular helped because of her voice speaking to me.
Now then, you do NOT owe Rick ANYTHING. You did not run him over, you are only responsible for yourself and your child. Your number one purpose is SELF CARE. Period.
You my lady are a very strong woman, and though you can get through this being strong, you have the right to feel sorry for yourself and take Xanax to help you, shelter yourself, do whatever it is that makes you feel safe. Self Care is paramount and builds your feeling of safety.
Much love....