Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Ive been generally going well with my NC but when I have moments of getting into deep thought I feel worthless.He used to tell me in his nastiness that im evil and unworthy.The reality is when I look back at how broken and hateful we became in our relationship and bad texts to each other I feel just as bad as him.I stooped low enough after him telling me he wished I was dead to tell him the same thing.I told him I hope karma gets him and that he gets put out of his misery.I feel that I have let myself down in everyway as a person to ever stoop so low.I never wanted us to hate each other so badly because once I loved him dearly but he pushed me to that point where I retaliated back.It sickens me that he may be looking at my memory that im an evil,nasty bad person.But he would have to realize that he hurt me and did terrible things to me too which were much worse.How doi forgive myself in the aftermath of all this of all my side of the nastiness.I want him to believe that im not that person.My mind is in a shambles today.
Who cares what he believes. its not about him. he pushed you, you pushed back even if you stooped to his level. let it be done. let a new chapter in your life begin. you are human. anger is partially a response to a fight/flight scenario, anger is also originally a defense mechanism. Now that you have met that side of yourself, you know you MUST steer clear of people who are unhealthy and could trigger that. because its not a good feeling.
when we are in these relationships, we dont like anything about our lives, including ourselves. and if you were a terrible person, you wouldnt be concerned with how terrible you were.
i get it. i have felt the same ickyness.
first of all you will have to let go of wanting him to believe that you are not that person. he will never ever think the way that you want him to. he will never ever think the way you think he should. not ever. he is different from you. first of all he is male. second of all he is a nasty man and you haver participated in so much as you are a wwltm. this is not a crime. this is not a moral issue. this is an addiction issue.
addictions take us to low places we would never allow ourselves to go in our right minds. if you have ever judged an alcoholic--now's your chance to take it back. it's called cognitive dissonance. we aren't lowly people sister. we are in survival mode. our thinking isn't right. we are ill.
what you can do for yourself is accept that you did the best you could with the tools that you had at that time in yuor life. keep your no contact. move on. you have to trust that you know better now. if you know better you can do better. you know who you are. you are a good person who loves too much. you are here now getting your thinking right....hang in there.
be gentlely loving and accepting and forgiving with yourself. this is a grief process. you did the best you could okay?? don't hate b/c hate will prolong your problems. have a talk with yourself the way i would talk to your little inner child......hold her and tell her she is safe now. but you'll have to let him and his twisted throughts go.
The transference which occurs in a relationship with a Narc is text-book, they confuse you, manipulate you, gaslight you & batter you until your usual self-protection mechanisms like instinct, integrity, self-esteem and logic are silenced...... then you start to act out, behave, become some of the worst parts of them... it might be alcohol, anger, depression, over-eating, lack of joy, irritability or any one of their worst traits/habits... in the end we WWLTM simply do not recognise what/who we have become in that relationship... and the fact that you do remember the real you, do feel that instinctive urge to 'survive' can only be a good thing, a blessing. You will come back from this lost place, this is your soul crying out to you to stay away from thus here, you will take those steps back to you, you will breathe free again, and you must stay NC, any reply is supply as they say! Welcome back to you Harmony, we are all here for you.... you sound like you have started your healing journey.