Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I. wrote here a few weeks ago that i had gone out on a date against my better judgement as i do not feel i am ready still.It made me feel more depressed and i spent the whole date thinking of XN not to mention the guy just was not for me.Ive since then had this guy pursuing me for a date.I hadnt been looking he crossed my path at a function and asked me if he could email me.We ended up going out for dinner and he is a really nice caring guy and i actually thought by the end of the date and since that he is the only one so far ive felt i could go out with since XN. He said he would like to see me again.I told him honestly that right now i dont mind going out as a friend here and there but im not ready to give anymore than that right now.He said he understood.Over the last 2 days he has texted me numerous times,rang me at 8 in the morning as i was getting ready for work wanting to know if i will see a movie with him on weekend.Then i read my emails tonight and he is already asking me what nights he can see me giving me his schedule for the week and wanting mine.I know im waffling but the point i want to vent is it has almost given me this sick feeling and i want to take flight.Its made me realize that im such damaged goods,What is wrong with me.Its almost a nauseating feeling that he is being too pushy or is it just me.Maybe im so much more damaged than i thought.Its not that i dont want to go out with him again but im not able to give anymore right now and im feeling sick thinking he might be pressuring me.Am i normal?
When I think about a new man, I find myself just sighing and thinking: I just don't have the energy (I'm thinking about all the getting to know you bit, starting from the beginning, etc.)....then again maybe I am wrong as I am expecting that I am going to need loads of energy?!! Maybe HEALTHY relationships don't require so much energy input?!!
We are warned that the too intense, too keen man can be a red flag.....but maybe your guy is just so happy to have met you and wants to see as much of you as he can (doesnt necessarily mean he is "unhealthy").
I think the only thing to do in your case is to be as honest as you can with this man - and to explain how you are feeling...not in an apologetic way...no...show him that you have respect for yourself and if he is any good, he will show YOU the respect you deserve...and give you the time and space you need.
I am just wondering though....you said you told him that right now friendship is enough and that you are not ready to give anymore...and yet I am wondering if he REALLY got that and took it on board, as he does seem rather pushy. You dont owe him anything, your first priority is to YOURSELF at the moment....dont do things coz you feel you would be rude not to, etc.
And remember, trust your instincts!!!
PS My exN used to text me late at night and ask if I wanted to chat. I would text back that I was sorry, I was too sleepy and was heading to bed......then...what would happen?...he would call me!!!! And I'd say, oh didnt you see my text? And he'd say Oh yes... THEY dont listen!!!! Or care!!!!!