Your so right ...I told him my every thought ....he just used it against me!!!
So now I tell you ladies,I have a bad day you all know ,I have a good day you all know !!!!!
It's amazing we live all over the world ,yet we all have this bond ,we understand each other and never judge ,which that alone is new to me ....
Thank you for that ,I know I will get through this as many have on here,some of us are just at the beginning of our journey ,some half way and some can see the light at the end of this painful yet empowering tunnel ....
Big hugs xxxx

Samething happened to me when i talked to my ex he was so defensive and couldn't handle the fact that I didn't wanna be with him. If I ever feel the urge to contact him I will write it here.

Wow! It's like this post was written for me tonight! I have been 98% no contact with my ex-boyfriend since we broke up 2 months ago. The only reason we had to talk was about some "business things" the last of which finished this week.

It has been a really civilized break up. I have been doing really well especially the past few weeks. I have had so much work to do that I have had no choice to focus on myself. I finished two huge projects this week and was so relieved. Then tonight I had one of the best nights with my colleagues...the most I hve laughed in a long, long time.

After I got home I checked my facebook (I know I will de-friend him!) and he is posting all this stupid, mopey attention getting crap like song lyrics, poetry whatever. Perhaps I shouldn't presume he is referring to me...but it is about heart break and trying to be her everything, blah, blah, blah so I figure it is about me. Maybe it's not even! :-)

We have been broken up for over 2 months, he lives 3,000 miles away and somehow he can figure out how to ruin my good mood, I felt so guilty about his pain that I considered sending him a message to make sure if he is "ok"...NO....not a good idea! So, I am writing it here...he's on his own. Ugh!

It is the weekend without my son and the first one he has been in the area since we broke up two weeks ago. I have been really strong and only contacted him about logistical stuff which we agreed to drop off in each others mail boxes. The yearning to contact him is strong, but I tell myself if he didn't want me, then there is no point me being the one to initiate contact. Part of me hopes that he will realise what he had lost and contact me soon, but the other part of me knows that if we get back together it will be the same old thing with me taking the responsibility for the relationship and making all the sacrifices. I need time apart to strengthen myself and consolidate what I have learned about myself since reading WHLTM three weeks ago. One day at a time:). It is only 7.14 on Friday night, two and a half days to go before Monday morning. But baby steps is all I can take.

Maybe I will find strength to go fully NC someday. Maybe I will be forced to, if I need to go back home. I can't even stand the thought of that. I still hope that we can be together one day and this is why I keep seeing him. Whenever he acts like an asshole (and he often does) I'm angry but the anger passes and I love him again. I don't know how to deal with this, I've been having bad days recently.

Perhaps your just not ready to let go yet ...notyetawoman ??? I don't claim to be an expert in any of these matters,I can only go by my own experience,I found all the other times we have broke up I always wished for him to contact ,desperately prayed he would ...and he DID!!!! Now I am praying he will not make contact as I know how was slowly destroying me and I know he will never give me what I want,he is incapable.
I still love and part of me wishes he will turn up and wave a wand and take my hurt away ,he won't !!!
Anyhow my point is that we all tolerate everything differently ,there comes a point where you are so low ....I mean in a real dark place that I had to get out ..maybe you haven't reached that yet ,I don't !!!
I hope you find clarity soon and maybe although not what you want the job situation may be the push you need ,fate has a funny way of sorting it all out for you when you have reached a point where even choosing your breakfast becomes a challenge ....x
Stay strong my friendxxxxxxx

I like your comment about fate and it's funny way of sorting things out for you when you are not able to do it yourself. There is something to it. Maybe this is what is happening to me right now.
I reached the dark place a few times, when I thought I would just die soon. But I always came out of this dark place and continued the quest, as hopeless as it was.
Thank you so much for your support xxx

Clarity hit the nail on the head, everyone has a different threshold for pain. And when you are ready to move on you will. Mine hit me like a ton of bricks, he had used me for the last time and now the thought of him makes me GAG!! Don't get me wrong, I still think about some of the good times, but even those were tainted by some kind of hidden agenda he had and NON of it was real. I wasn't the first woman he had done this too. He had done it to every women he dated before me; I should have seen that as a red flag...But I thought, "Maybe I will be the one to change him" It doesn't work that way, I can't change him, he has to want to change himself.

I think about all the time I wasted waiting for him and wanting him. I was hurting and suffering every single day, I cried every day. I couldn't focus on work or my son. I was going through the motions of life and not living because he was all I thought about. That's not love. Love shouldn't not be so painful and difficult. This is no way for anyone to live, you only get one life!

The hardest part for me right now is this obsessive thought that he is soooo happy. He must be if he isn't trying to come back home or beg for forgiveness. I know its ridiculous though. How could he be happy. He left three beautiful children who he now has no contact with. He is living with a women who also left her husband to be with him. I pretty sure he has now lost his job. We are going to court for contempt as he has managed in less then 4 months to get behind in child and spousal support to the tune of nearly 2,000 and almost all of his family has stopped talking to him. I keep telling myself that how could anyone be happy after all of that but for some awful reason, those thoughts just keep coming back. I saw he set up a new Facebook with a picture of him and her and her kids and that some of our friends are now his new friends. That really upsets me. I just want everyone to hate him. How could they continue to talk to someone who could do this to their family. How could she stand by him and support him. If this was happening to one of my friends I would tell her to get the hell out. Yet here I am still wondering why? I know it was him who was selfish and that this is his problem but wow, sometimes its hard not to think what did I do that he couldn't love me enough to be faithful. Being the women who loves too much, I did everything for him. He had it all. Karma can not come soon enough for me today.

I cant tell you all how much I appreciate this board and each one of you for sharing. @undercover this is the PERFECT idea!! My biggest problem with NC is not being able to tell him how I feel. I know he doesnt care but I was so used to telling hiM everything I felt. NC for the N is no problem. The one I was involved with starta a new life and takes on a totally new persona when he finds a new victim. so he eliminates any contact with his former victim as he pretends the past does not exist. He has blocked me on Facebook and any other site we were friends on. and i hate the feeling of being discarded like a wet tissue after all that i went through for and with him! Like Mfun said, I need Karma to put a rush on things!