Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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i want to contact him

anamaria0
anamaria0
I met a really good looking Doctor where I work. He invited me out and I could not believe my luck! After a great first date, he did not call or text so I did and we arranged a second date. On out forth date i cought him texting another girl whilst he was hugging me. I confronted him and he said that he would not see her again and that it was me who he wanted. We went out on and off for 9 months. He used to text me every 5 or 6 days and I never knew when we were going to see each other next. He always said that he was busy with work but yet he had time to meet his friends, to go away with them, to play sports and to work on his car. When we did see each other we always had a great time. I finished with him as he showed me that he is selfish. We got back together and he told me that we wanted a future with me and I asked him to contact and see me more often, he promised he would, however, I did not hear from him for four days. I did not replied to his message and he did not contact me again. This was three months ago. I need help! Did i ruin a good relationship by being too needy? Finding someone you like and get on with well is very hard so should I contact him again? everyday i feel in hell, constantly thinking about him and second guessing myself. Please help me see this objectively :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like you wanted one type of relationship and he wanted another. He wanted something more casual that suited his needs and you were looking for something more intense with a future. You already identified the fact that he was selfish. That's ether the only kind of relationship he is capable of or the only one he wants right now. That's his right but it doesn't have to be your pain.

Either way your two wants/needs don't seem to match up. He didn't keep his promise to you and seems that rather than have a big blow out he just faded away. If he had wanted contact with you in the past 3 months he would have made it.

If you are willing to be convenient to him and have a relationship on his schedule that meets only his needs (and probably means he'll see other women) and of course shuttle all your feelings and desires to the side then sure go ahead and contact him. But, that plan seems like it just might be inviting heart ache.

It's been 3 months and you are getting along though it has been hard. GIve yourself a bit more time and try to distract yourself so that you aren't thinking about him. Plus, you don't want to get in touch and start your "forgetting him time" again from scratch. He doesn't sound like the right guy to meet your needs.

I suggest an alternative plan: hold your head high, count your blessings you aren't still trying to get his full attention, do something nice for yourself, and contact someone (not necessarily a romantic interest) who you haven't heard from in a while who would be thrilled to reconnect with you.
lucidak
lucidak
I agree with friendtotheanimals. Having just got out of a relationship with a similar man who strung me along for 6 months, all I can say is if you managed to get out, then the best thing to do is stay out. I identified the selfish traits too, very early on. But told myself he was a good man and I should stop being so needy. He only moved the relationship to a physical level after making me promise I wouldn't ask to move in with him. They were all red flags I chose ignore because I thought I had finally found a good man and I needed to prove to him I wanted the same kind of relationship he wanted, when I really wanted a conventional one. Sad to see how much I bent over backwards to show him I was worthy of him.
We are worthy of much better men than that. Stay strong. I know you if you managed to stay NC for 3 months, you can keep it up. Take Care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
been going on 3 years. not fun. highs and lows. mostly lows. you deserve better. wish i could finally break free, but i am getting there.
anamaria0
anamaria0
Thanks for your advice. I was weak and texted him saying hi, he replied next day just saying hello in a casual manner, so I know he is not interested any more. Its better this way. x
deleted_user
deleted_user
I just went through the a similar situation with an old ex ...inconsistent communication, promises of a future, and then sudden withdrawal. What we really need to look at is not what we hope or wish will happen with these relationships, but how these men are actually treating us and making us feel. If you felt bad because he didn't call or text consistently, or because he was communicating with other women, that was your internal instinct telling you that the relationship was not healthy for you. You deserve so much more than to be someone's standby.

Realize that you did yourself a favor by ending a relationship with a selfish person who was not capable of giving you the love you deserved. We all have moments of weakness when we reach out (or seriously consider it!), but we can use these moments to grow stronger. We're all here to support you!

If someone really cares about you and your well-being, they will work toward building a monogamous and committed relationship with you. You won't have to question how they feel because they will maintain communication with you and make you a part of their life.