I feel I was in an abusive relationship. I had the most beautiful story about how I met this man. It was like it was meant to be. 

Everything happened so fast. Next thing I know we were living together. One day he asked me to put his name on my business or he would break up with me, I didnt accept so we argued for 3 days and then we made a deal. I will add him to the business and THEN he will add me to his house. When I was working on adding him to the business, there was only one more document to sign. He acussed me of not completing the transation because I wanted to burn him...a week later I read his google history. He had googled "how to steal a business from your partner". I confronted him and he said I was crazy, he only thinks about the worst case scenario. 

One time he threw me on the bed so hard that I had a headache for 3 days and when I called him to tell him I wasnt feeling good. I wanted to see a doctor in LA, maybe someone I know. He started to record my conversation without my permission and started screaming at me and saying "no i didnt do that" "why are you making things up" It was surreal, scary.  I said "it is me, I am saying I am hurting from the incident, can you show some compassion?" and he said "IDK what you are talking about. We shouldnt talk over the phone. Dont ever talk to me about this over the phone. We will talk in person" 

I started writing a diary and he accused me of collecting evidence against him. No arguments are small with him, I don't win. 

Another time I wanted to get my own phone plan under my name since he didnt let me have full access to the account. And he declined, I stated I pay for it, after arguing for many days one night he told me with his crazy eyes "everything is mine including you. This phone is under my name and I can do whatever I want with it" then he forced my finger on the phone to unclock it and see who was communicating with me.  My arm was hurting for days. 

I fell into a mild depression...sometimes I couldnt go to events with him because I was not feeling my best.

One day he broke up with me just to show me what will happen if I dont obey. 

I figured the password for his phone, and to my surprise he was active on dating websites and was sending messages to women AND sadly men.

I also found secret email accounts that depicted his past paying prostitutes when he was younger and participating in group sex. He was part of "cougars.com" etc. It turns out he had cheated on every single ex he had and had been with a lot more women than he told me. His secrets creep me out. Also it seemed like he painted a picture to his mom about me as if I was out to get him...and his mom expressed her concern and advised he should collect evidence againt me in case I say he abused me. 

When I broke up with him and I left I remember feeling relief, feeling free, but we had so much passion together and sex was so amazing. I started missing that. He called and apologized and after his sweet statement, for one moment he became a different person and said "if I do everything right and you mess up, you better change your identity and hide because I will come for you" My jaw dropped and I got chills. I said what did you say to me? and he replied immediately "nothing, I didnt say anything. No I didnt say that. You heard me" he thought i was recording the call. 

After being apart ang sexually active with other women he asked if I wanted to get back together with him. But he made it clear he is a dictator, and I should just do what he wants...and I made it clear that I always want to find middle ground. I still talk to him and I still cry on regular basis. It is like a drug.