Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
First of all I am Janeen Stout, was Goodrich, but I am Janeen., Merrylegs's Mom....I have learned so much on this journey.
I have always prided myself on my strength and integrity. Always being an independent woman and really depending on no one but myself. Having very little support systems in terms of family and my closest friends are far away. I am here to say I am damn proud of who I am and what I have been through and who I have become. I want to thank all of you for your tremendous support. I am not done learning but I have grown leaps and bounds through this last trial.
It really hit me hard last night, after being so disgusted with the most recent ExN and his nonsense. I looked over the last 20 years and the cards I was dealt and what I endured. Sh*t this aint nothing...I have been through hell and back too many times. The most difficult part is raising children on your own and praying you are doing a good job. Last year, my son challenged that notion I had, that I was a good parent. He took me to hell himself. For those of you who know the story, he was traumatized and so was my daugter. I lost him to some drugs, but mostly to anger. Thank GOD he has come back and he is an amazing young man, today. My ex N entered my life about the time all the molestation was coming out and I was as dumb as brick...I ignored every RED FLAG.. And he had a thousands. I had so much chaos in my life, I had a hard time seeing the forest through the trees. But because I am a big believer in everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason, I know now I am responsible because this is my souls journey and it is about growing. It took me some time, and I have reached some peace with the molestation and I have certailnly moved on from wanting the ex N.. But I wanted to share with you what I have learned....because part of growing is sharing our lessons with others and truly helping one another. I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND WONDERFUL words of wisdom. .
1. I learned if it feels wrong, it is wrong.
2. If I don't want to do it, don't feel guilty and don't let them guilt you into anything.
3. If they lie run like hell.
4, If they don't have a job, run like hell
5. IF they love bomb you, run run run
6. If they drink, do drugs in excess, run
7. IF they get mean when drinking, run
8. If they, try to move in with you in a very short time, run
9. If they ask you if you have an life insurance policy, run!
10. If they don't allow you to meet there family, run
11. If there mother calls them a bad boy, RUN
12. If they can lie and cheat and steal from MOMMA, RUN cause you can bet they are going to stomp all over you.
13., IF they text and call you obsessively, run,..this is not love nor adoration this is pathology
14. IF you feel like your confused and don't know who to believe, you have been poisoned by the Narc, RUN
15. NO CONTACT IS VITAL TO OUR HEALING AND MAKE IT YOUR GOAL IF YOU HAVEN"T YET.
16. The pain you feel from their hurt, lies, cheating and rejection is not real..because they are not real.
17. If they blame you, when you clearly know they are at fault, RUN
18. If every girl they ever had before, was a bad mouthed or slandered, RUN.. PROJECTION and it is classic for these guys...blame game
19. Master manipulators.,.they learn your hot buttons and know what you need.
20 If they use your most painful moments of your life to hurt you...RUN they are sick and evil
21. I have learned there are truly EVIL PEOPLE OUT THERE. I don't know if it a spiritual thing, but they are dark and have no hearts. This was the toughest lesson. I wanted to believe there could be good in them. But as we all know, Ted Bundy, serial killer, rescued a drowning child, does this make him a good man.
22. I learned everything they do is for their own benefit, but often cleverly masked in " I do this for you." Leaving you to feel guilty and indebted.
23. If he says he wants a prenupt, he really doesn't, he is saying that because he wants your money and to mooch off of you and he figures if he says this you will say, no I don't need one of those.
24. If he has unsafe sex with you the first time RUN.. he has no morals and could care less what disease he gives you.
25. If he stalks you, run
26. I have learned I HAVE INSTINCTS, beautiful gut instincts, designed to protect me and keep me safe from the evils of the world. Like the mother wolf teaching her pups, to be cautious and read the signs of the wild, we must become like wolves, Run with the wolves and read the signs.,
27. There is always someone out there who take advantage of you. The more hurt and vulnerable you are the more they come after you. JUST LIKE THE ANIMAL KINGDOM. No mercy in these Vampire Bats. LOL
28. I have learned that some of the most beatiful people are behind a computer screen, messaging, supporting and loving me along this journey. That is beautiful thing.
29. I have learned even if you are smart, you can bit by the vampire.
30. I have learned even if you are beautiful, you can be bit and discarded.
31. I have learned to not judge where are others are in their journey because we all are right where we are suppose to be...cherish these lessons ladies...
32. I have learned that this PAIN AND HURT WAS TRULY A BLESSING TO help me find myself and heal me.
33. I have learned I am not a nut job, or inadequate because I was taken advantage of, instead I have a heart of gold, but like the wolf, I must be prepared to run in the wild.
34. I have learned that family often hurts us and has perhaps left us with abandoment scars that lead us all here.. BUT because of it, there is gift in all of this, the gift of finding me and most importantly loving me.
35. I have learned, i am not angry at his antics.. I could care less now,
36, I have learned I don't want him to hurt another, because like other crimes they should be stopped , this emotional vampire should not be allowed to suck us dry and leave us for dead in the desert,
37. I learned there are some people that totally enable the N's to behave this way and therefore, they don't change.
38. Because they are ill, sick pathological and they have personality disorders, THEY DO NOT CHANGE>
39., They have spent their lives perfecting their skills on how to take advantage of people, lie to people and manipulate people.
40. I have learned that despite all my inadequacies, I am pretty darn nice and a great catch....but I don't care if I am ever in a relationship again. Because my love affair is with me.!!!!
41. I have learned that no man will ever come between my kids and I, and if he loves me he would never ever dream of it..
42. IF he makes you cry, he is not worth it.
43. I have learned that every step of this journey is another stitch in my fabric of life.
44. I really love my little J!!! I am a better parent to my inner child and she is rejoicing
45. I have learned some of the nicest man that i have dated in the past, are truly REAL and genuine and I was the one who pushed them away...( I am so glad to renunite with some of these awesome men,)
46. Others notice when wer are whole and healing.
47. I have learned that what goes on in my heart is clearly manifested in my physical well being.
48 I LEARNED I trust myself!!!!!
49. I learned that the best thing I could ever do for my kids was heal.
50 I have learned that even though my children were affected my EX, They will trust again...
51. The most beautful thought to me, is the idea that even though I have been scarred and deeply wounded, I will love again...and I am so HAPPY TO BE PART OF THIS SISTA HOOD...
52 STARVE THE FLIPPIN VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
53. Nurture and love yourself everyday!!!!!
54. I am special
55 I am worthy
56. I am part of GOD
57. The univers conspires for what my heart desires.
58. There are no coincidences
59 Personality disorders DO NOT CHANGE.
60. No matter what someone says about me, lies, it doesn't make this true, NO ONE DEFINES US, we define ourselves by finding our selves and developing a relationship with Self.
61. I have learned that WWL2M really are not
I thank you all for so many lessons. I have learned more, but those were random thoughts., I am so grateful for learning so much here
love and peace to all my girls here WWWL2M
I have always prided myself on my strength and integrity. Always being an independent woman and really depending on no one but myself. Having very little support systems in terms of family and my closest friends are far away. I am here to say I am damn proud of who I am and what I have been through and who I have become. I want to thank all of you for your tremendous support. I am not done learning but I have grown leaps and bounds through this last trial.
It really hit me hard last night, after being so disgusted with the most recent ExN and his nonsense. I looked over the last 20 years and the cards I was dealt and what I endured. Sh*t this aint nothing...I have been through hell and back too many times. The most difficult part is raising children on your own and praying you are doing a good job. Last year, my son challenged that notion I had, that I was a good parent. He took me to hell himself. For those of you who know the story, he was traumatized and so was my daugter. I lost him to some drugs, but mostly to anger. Thank GOD he has come back and he is an amazing young man, today. My ex N entered my life about the time all the molestation was coming out and I was as dumb as brick...I ignored every RED FLAG.. And he had a thousands. I had so much chaos in my life, I had a hard time seeing the forest through the trees. But because I am a big believer in everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason, I know now I am responsible because this is my souls journey and it is about growing. It took me some time, and I have reached some peace with the molestation and I have certailnly moved on from wanting the ex N.. But I wanted to share with you what I have learned....because part of growing is sharing our lessons with others and truly helping one another. I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND WONDERFUL words of wisdom. .
1. I learned if it feels wrong, it is wrong.
2. If I don't want to do it, don't feel guilty and don't let them guilt you into anything.
3. If they lie run like hell.
4, If they don't have a job, run like hell
5. IF they love bomb you, run run run
6. If they drink, do drugs in excess, run
7. IF they get mean when drinking, run
8. If they, try to move in with you in a very short time, run
9. If they ask you if you have an life insurance policy, run!
10. If they don't allow you to meet there family, run
11. If there mother calls them a bad boy, RUN
12. If they can lie and cheat and steal from MOMMA, RUN cause you can bet they are going to stomp all over you.
13., IF they text and call you obsessively, run,..this is not love nor adoration this is pathology
14. IF you feel like your confused and don't know who to believe, you have been poisoned by the Narc, RUN
15. NO CONTACT IS VITAL TO OUR HEALING AND MAKE IT YOUR GOAL IF YOU HAVEN"T YET.
16. The pain you feel from their hurt, lies, cheating and rejection is not real..because they are not real.
17. If they blame you, when you clearly know they are at fault, RUN
18. If every girl they ever had before, was a bad mouthed or slandered, RUN.. PROJECTION and it is classic for these guys...blame game
19. Master manipulators.,.they learn your hot buttons and know what you need.
20 If they use your most painful moments of your life to hurt you...RUN they are sick and evil
21. I have learned there are truly EVIL PEOPLE OUT THERE. I don't know if it a spiritual thing, but they are dark and have no hearts. This was the toughest lesson. I wanted to believe there could be good in them. But as we all know, Ted Bundy, serial killer, rescued a drowning child, does this make him a good man.
22. I learned everything they do is for their own benefit, but often cleverly masked in " I do this for you." Leaving you to feel guilty and indebted.
23. If he says he wants a prenupt, he really doesn't, he is saying that because he wants your money and to mooch off of you and he figures if he says this you will say, no I don't need one of those.
24. If he has unsafe sex with you the first time RUN.. he has no morals and could care less what disease he gives you.
25. If he stalks you, run
26. I have learned I HAVE INSTINCTS, beautiful gut instincts, designed to protect me and keep me safe from the evils of the world. Like the mother wolf teaching her pups, to be cautious and read the signs of the wild, we must become like wolves, Run with the wolves and read the signs.,
27. There is always someone out there who take advantage of you. The more hurt and vulnerable you are the more they come after you. JUST LIKE THE ANIMAL KINGDOM. No mercy in these Vampire Bats. LOL
28. I have learned that some of the most beatiful people are behind a computer screen, messaging, supporting and loving me along this journey. That is beautiful thing.
29. I have learned even if you are smart, you can bit by the vampire.
30. I have learned even if you are beautiful, you can be bit and discarded.
31. I have learned to not judge where are others are in their journey because we all are right where we are suppose to be...cherish these lessons ladies...
32. I have learned that this PAIN AND HURT WAS TRULY A BLESSING TO help me find myself and heal me.
33. I have learned I am not a nut job, or inadequate because I was taken advantage of, instead I have a heart of gold, but like the wolf, I must be prepared to run in the wild.
34. I have learned that family often hurts us and has perhaps left us with abandoment scars that lead us all here.. BUT because of it, there is gift in all of this, the gift of finding me and most importantly loving me.
35. I have learned, i am not angry at his antics.. I could care less now,
36, I have learned I don't want him to hurt another, because like other crimes they should be stopped , this emotional vampire should not be allowed to suck us dry and leave us for dead in the desert,
37. I learned there are some people that totally enable the N's to behave this way and therefore, they don't change.
38. Because they are ill, sick pathological and they have personality disorders, THEY DO NOT CHANGE>
39., They have spent their lives perfecting their skills on how to take advantage of people, lie to people and manipulate people.
40. I have learned that despite all my inadequacies, I am pretty darn nice and a great catch....but I don't care if I am ever in a relationship again. Because my love affair is with me.!!!!
41. I have learned that no man will ever come between my kids and I, and if he loves me he would never ever dream of it..
42. IF he makes you cry, he is not worth it.
43. I have learned that every step of this journey is another stitch in my fabric of life.
44. I really love my little J!!! I am a better parent to my inner child and she is rejoicing
45. I have learned some of the nicest man that i have dated in the past, are truly REAL and genuine and I was the one who pushed them away...( I am so glad to renunite with some of these awesome men,)
46. Others notice when wer are whole and healing.
47. I have learned that what goes on in my heart is clearly manifested in my physical well being.
48 I LEARNED I trust myself!!!!!
49. I learned that the best thing I could ever do for my kids was heal.
50 I have learned that even though my children were affected my EX, They will trust again...
51. The most beautful thought to me, is the idea that even though I have been scarred and deeply wounded, I will love again...and I am so HAPPY TO BE PART OF THIS SISTA HOOD...
52 STARVE THE FLIPPIN VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
53. Nurture and love yourself everyday!!!!!
54. I am special
55 I am worthy
56. I am part of GOD
57. The univers conspires for what my heart desires.
58. There are no coincidences
59 Personality disorders DO NOT CHANGE.
60. No matter what someone says about me, lies, it doesn't make this true, NO ONE DEFINES US, we define ourselves by finding our selves and developing a relationship with Self.
61. I have learned that WWL2M really are not
I thank you all for so many lessons. I have learned more, but those were random thoughts., I am so grateful for learning so much here
love and peace to all my girls here WWWL2M
(sorry for typos above I am exhausted)
I am really proud of both you and art girl. So many people leave the board once they start feeling stronger and it is great when the recovery ones stick around to offer support and be a source of an inspiriation.
That is a great, great list and once that shows that you did not just read the book and throw it in a drawer. You have IMPLEMENTED the recovery program into your very being.
I am very happy to hear your son is ok --I was worried just like I worry about my son as I don't want him to be like his dad...
I believe your son came back because of your strength. I hope daughter is ok !!!
I loved your poem...keep it on !!! I plan to copy/paste and print it for myself as a reminder!!!!:)