Good observation. It's a trademark of the somatic Narcissist, as well. They derive their self esteem from the admiration and competition of as many women as they can seduce. It's a challange and the thrill of the hunt. It proves to them they're All That! this is called narcissistic Supply. It feeds their insatiable hunger for worth and validation. The "supply" (admiring women, sexual conquests) are just objects, of course, not valuable people whose feelings are of any consideration, even if you think you're the "Special One". This is speaking of Narcissists, your man may not be one, but it goes well with Pa and being Emotionally unavailabe, and even sex addiction. Worth investigating the signs so you know what you're dealing with. Hope that sheds a little light on your situation.

Chaos and Triangulation (pitting 2 people against each other) are Narc specialities. I don't know if it applies to PA or not, or if yours IS a covert Narc (mine was) which is harder to pinpont.

Are PA known for thier infidelities like Narcs? Regardless, this describes what you are saying perfectly:

The N wants to create chaos out of order. This is where a third party comes in. Triangulation. It may be the Ns x partner, a new partner, a relative or somebody else.

The usual scenario is this person is causing the N all kinds of problems and this is preventing him from having a normal functional life. The N knows we want to help and he uses that knowledge. It usually does not matter if our attempts are successful or not.

All the N cares about is that he has successfully managed to stir the pot and get people pitted against each other turning things into a chaotic state.

The N sits back and lets the play unfold to his amusement. If he can keep you and another women too, this is just bonus supply to him. The more the merrier. Your pain is meaningless in the face of additional Narc Supply to him. Your ace card will be to know what your N is up to and if your N is in a mess, let him clean it up.

The two things I've found that work is to either ignore it or turn the tables on him. Once he threw the jeolousy in my face and I just said, "Why would I be jeolous of her?. Nothing about her to be jeolous of" and he just moved on, rather annoyed that he hadn't found the right person to use to accomplish what he intended. OR, even better, I will instantaneously begin flirting with another guy. I hate doing that but it works well. He will immediately stop his flirting and come to establish his territory with to the guy I'm flirting with. The girl he was using can see this, of course, and so she figures out what he was doing and writes him off as a user. Works, but I hate playing this stupid game.

DQS,

No you do not become Narcissist in your 40's. You are born with a predispostion towards it and then you have a Narcissist injury prior to the age of 6.

Everyone has Narc traits. It is HEALTHY to have narc traits (it means you have healthy self esteem).

It is when these traits are PATHOLOGICAL (meaning a complete lack of empathy and disregard for how your behavior effects others and a completely inability to change your behavior no matter HOW NEGATIVE the consequences of your behavior, that you have a personality disorder.

It could be that your husband has several Narc traits (which makes him very hard to live with) without going into a fall blown personality disorder.

Hey Solo,

That triangulation is classic PA.

I was OBSESSED with a male friend who was PA/Narc, I think more PA than N for years.

He would invite me to parties specifically to make other girls jealous, kiss me, cuddle me, lavish me with attention then disappear when they'd flashed him the eye. Ugh. He played me like a fiddle.

Also, when we went on a hiking holiday, we were staying at a chalet in the mountains. It was just me and 10 guys - he behaved like he was my bf, being all possessive and not letting me talk to any of them, but the minute a girl hiker turned up, he dropped me like a stone and turned all his flirtateous attention to her.
He was like a kid in a sweet shop where girls were concerned.

Not sure why that is PA specific. Interesting behaviour though. I guess it's about controlling things when they want. So they are passive when they know they have your entire attention, and get aggressive when they feel threatened - ie if you show signs of moving on, wising up to their stupid behaviour or if other guys threaten them?

Guys like this - Always great for your ego of course :|