Hello, First of all my apologies up front for such a long drawn out story. I am just can't understand how a man can just disregard a women that he’s been intimate with for the past four years in the blink of any eye for another women he’s only known for 8 months. He disappeared on me without a word and wouldn’t tell me what was going on until one day he finally admitted that he was seeing someone else. I told him that’s all he had to tell me and I left him alone after that. Then a few months passed and there must have been trouble in paradise because he started reaching out to me again, and like a fool I let him back in my life, but now as the OW.

I am not really sure how or why I allowed myself to get to that point. He told me I had to keep it quiet because she goes through his phone all the time and that she knows about me. I was blocked from his phone and every portal there was known to man. I went along with the charade because I love him. I have known him for 20 plus years. I knew him when he was married, we were both married. I was at a lot of his family parties as I am good friends with the family, were both divorced now. He’s divorced because his ex-wife caught him cheating with a female police officer, she had put a GPS on his car and caught him in the act, all the while she was 3 months pregnant no less. Yes I know I should have ran like Forest Gump as I knew all of this before I got involved with him, but I thought it was a long time ago and maybe he had changed (not hardly). This is a man who constantly tells himself that he is a nice guy. He would tell me that all the time “I’m a good guy, too nice sometimes, people say I am the nicest guy” I would always say to myself who says that about themselves and out loud to other people. I’m a nice person but I hardly go around telling that to the world.

Well fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. He came to my house in the middle of the night very intoxicated as he usually would do, he is a police officer who is an alcoholic, so he thinks he is invincible and can do anything he wants including drinking and driving. He’s been rehabbed twice by the police department and he never stuck with the program, he’s also a big gambler & a compulsive liar just to name a few of his bad habits. I asked him why he doesn’t respond to my texts, he said he isn’t getting them and that he is having problems with his phone. I said bullshit I am blocked, he said he didn’t block me. He gave me his phone to check and sure enough I was blocked along with two other numbers….he said she probably did it. I also went on to read the text messages between and him and his girlfriend (I know I had no right to do so). I asked him if she was married after I had read the messages and he said yes, as it sounded like she was. He kept telling her she was a good mother and that his daughter and her were his only priority. The next morning he had gotten up early and said he had to go meet a friend, the night before he said he was taking his daughter to school. Well he left and I sent him a couple of texts in which he replied back. I then got ready for work and there was some time that passed in between so on my way to work I started texting him again and well she must have been at his house with his phone in her hand…because the replies didn’t sound like him. Then my phone rang and it was her telling me that it was his girlfriend and wanted to know how long he’s been coming over to my house. She asked me women to women so I told her that he was there the night before and noting happened (sex never happened when he was drunk for obvious reasons). He often told me that he cared about us both, and that he was comfortable with me and blah blah blah. That night he told me he loved me and I believed him still after reading that text message. I finally told her that there were probably other women and she could have him and good luck to the both of them. I honestly never went through his phone as I had many opportunities to do so. I feel if I get to that point to snoop then I already know something isn't right,

A few days later I get a call from him from her phone. His message asked me “If she calls you, please tell her that I was only at your house that one night and that I haven’t seen you for a year, can you please do that for me I care very much for her. All I know is that I heard a crack in the planet and my spirit probably died right then and there. I was discarded like a piece of trash....no other way to describe it. Then he sent me an email to confirm the voice message. I did reply and told him that they were both nut jobs and that he was pathetic and a horrible person and to choke on the money that he owes me, he borrowed a $1000 from me 3 years ago and I haven’t seen a dime but he takes her everywhere and has revamped his apartment.

It seems as though they have worked it out as I seen them together. I live in the same neighborhood as he does. I guess I just wonder why her and not me. What did I lack that she has. I am at a loss of words and I can’t get passed this. I know everything happens for a reason, and he is a toxic person. It was easier getting over my 23 year marriage. I'm no contact right now and it's taking every once of dignity I have left not to reach out to him as I can still can get through to his work email. I really want him to hurt like I am, but I don't even think that is even possible. Thanks for reading.