Anamaria0~
I am sorry you're hurting over these guys. I'd like to offer you some perspective that may be hard to hear: you say "why not have some fun?" but it sounds like you truly want something more serious. Is that so? If all you wanted was to date casually, I would think these guys wouldn't bother you in the least. You seem to want more. And that's ok, just be honest and honor yourself and what you want. Have the courage to tell both these guys what you want - this way, if they choose to walk away - you will have your self-respect in tow. Don't allow any 'ol guy that shows interest in you (and wants sex only) to dictate what YOU want.

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a break from dating and focus on getting stronger, and figuring out your expectations for a relationship so that you can accept nothing less!

XOXO ~p

. He has told you he only wants a casual relationship. At least you have that honesty. I don't mean to sound preachy, but ... I think you will feel SO much better if you focus on your kids right now.

Like Penseuse says, define your bottom line and talk with him, on your terms, and I think you will feel better.

Just my two cents.

Thanks to both of you for your advice. I do focus on my kids, I have them mon-friday and i do not go out and dedicate all my time to them. It is the weekend when I am on my own that I would like a nice guy who likes me and wants to spend time with me outside the bedroom.

I will just distance myself from him as I do not feel strong enough to deal with rejection if he tells me again that he does not want a relationship with me.
xx

Hi Anamaria! It is all too easy to try to fill up our empty time with someone new to dote on and worry about. Their interest makes us feel good and validated. That is what we all want - to feel good and validated. We as WWLTM need to LEARN how to feel that way about ourselves...before we encourage anyone else to agree with us. I am certainly not saying not to date or go out. I would however recommend you set up safety boundaries for yourself, like a group date rule...or a night out with girlfriends, where you can get hit on by a steady stream of "impossibles", which will still give you a much needed jump start of self-esteem. But that is ALL anyone else can offer you - is a little boost - you are the one that must put the work into filling up your self love tank. I will be the first to admit is easier to stick to that process with those little intermittent pick me ups - and fully support the methods I mentioned. So commit one of your free nights to a 'safe' flirty fun time, and the balance of your weekend doing things that will increase your pride in you. Hone a skill you've been meaning to try, take long bubble baths with all the products you can find to pamper yourself. Also, there is no reason that you can't devote time to your children during the week and still do things for you and your recovery - hit a gym class, like zumba where they can either join in or visit the rec area, or participate in a charity - take them to visit a nursing home or conduct a food drive.

You know deep down you are not ready for anything more serious, if after only a couple of weeks you are beginning to torture yourself and drag down your self-esteem worrying that you are "worthy" of this guys attention/affection. And while I'm sure it is super flattering to have this young buck chasing your tail - all puns intended - to keep it in perspective think back to where you're head was at when you were his age...and apply the male gender calculation of -50% plus their age in tenths (2.5) - that makes him the equivalent comparable of a 10 year old girl (jk). I reminds me of this blurb I saw on facebook about OCD, he's looking at you and thinking oooh tail, I like tail, deers got tails, oooooh lets go hunting! It is funny - but you know it's true - yet you brought out all your WWLTM skills and OVERLOOKED those flaws and immediately put all the blame on YOU - worrying that he doesn't like you enough to pay attention, when the fact is not only is he quite possibly incapable, not only b/c of his age (which may not be a factor at all) - but b/c if your at this stage (in regards to self-love) your still a honing beacon for, and he most likely is a Narcissist.

Hugs to you!!!!

interesting question you pose...and really only you can answer. we can weigh in based on our experience but we don't know how deep you are really in already.

like P said if you are dating casually but are not the type of person who can truly keep it casual it's not a good match. he is being honest with you it seems so you have to dig down deep and have an honest conversation with yourself......can you date casually?? if you want more of a companion with benefits you may be dating the "wrong" kind of men.

ass clowns are not after companionship with a little bit of sex in my opinion and with time it would reveal itself.

you have not really said he's an ass clown, narcissist and you have not really said you are a wwltm either. i would agree with what you heard that generally speaking we are not good at casual. we like to merge. we are after that loving feeling.

what do you think? are you a wwltm? are you dating an assclown?? bad boy?? casual means no exclusivity. he will not be yours. can you live with that??

Hi Anamaria, I totally understand where you are coming from. I have the exact same tendencies. I tend to put my wants and needs to the side to cater to a man who wants different things. I know I want a meaningful relationship but then when someone I like doesn't, I psych myself into believing that I will just "have fun" with them. But in all honesty, my feelings become involved quickly and I end up hurt in the end. Unlike some women tend to, I feel like men say what they really feel. We think we can change that but in reality we can't. Having gone through the same things, I know it's hard to let go because it brings a sense of happiness but I do think it's temporary happiness and can lead to a strong possibility of you getting hurt in the end. I couldn't tell you to stop seeing him altogether, but I would say to just make sure YOU get what YOU want. Generally speaking, if a man wants something totally different than I do, I HAVE to learn to walk away. We have to respect everyone's wants for their own lives BUT that does not mean I have to accept it. Good luck!

i was thinking more about you and thought what an awful feeling it must be to do it again, to be witness to yoruself doing it all again. that is my worst fear. that i will do this again knowing i cannot withstand this scenario again in my life.

it's upsetting to me that i would easily give myself away again.

i don' t know about you but i am a sex and love addict and that is where i really need to go to learn how to live a life in recovery from this addiction.

i'm recovering from many many things and BY FAR this process addiction is the hardest and most like a death experience than any other substance or addiction that i have, that i manage. to tell you the truth i would give up opiates and alcohol and cigarettes 10 times again over this business. once you quit a substance especially with help in a detox the cravings and symptoms stick around for awhile and they're bad and can make you very sick but they get better relatively quickly compared to this process.

there are sex and love addict 12 step meetings in most major cities and there is an entire telephone meeting network for women. i can track down the number if you are interested. they have meetings 4-5 times a day.

i'm really sorry that something that should be fun for us, falling in love and enjoying the moment turns into something obsessive and painful. something we don't like ourselves for.

have you considered your issue an addiction?? have you had any addiction specific help?? would you consider it???

i hate that obsessive business it takes away so much of the anticipation and fun and enjoyment in starting a new relationship.