Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Just as the book says, when I am with someone I obsess with the relationship and with him. I constantly check my phone for messages and I stalk him on the Internet.
We met online and after 4 months he had not deleted his account, he is not subscribed but his profile still there. Over the last week he logged in twice, I confronted him and he said that he received a message so curiosity got the better of him but that he wasn't interested. He deleted his account.
Since this happened a few days ago I'm in so much distress, my head feels like it's gonna explode, I can eat or sleep, I can't think of anything else but that jealousy and betrayal I am feeling, I feel like self- harming to stop my internal hell.
When I talk to friends they don't understand and tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt. The problem is not the situation but my reaction to it. I've had enough of feeling hurt when in with someone, I want to be emotionally healthy, life is such a struggle ;(
We met online and after 4 months he had not deleted his account, he is not subscribed but his profile still there. Over the last week he logged in twice, I confronted him and he said that he received a message so curiosity got the better of him but that he wasn't interested. He deleted his account.
Since this happened a few days ago I'm in so much distress, my head feels like it's gonna explode, I can eat or sleep, I can't think of anything else but that jealousy and betrayal I am feeling, I feel like self- harming to stop my internal hell.
When I talk to friends they don't understand and tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt. The problem is not the situation but my reaction to it. I've had enough of feeling hurt when in with someone, I want to be emotionally healthy, life is such a struggle ;(
this is what i have found to help with urges like that.....holding ice in each hand over the sink until it melts. it sort of snaps your brain out of the urges. also splashing with ice water. taking a cold bath. if you're a jogger, going jogging, fast! personally i've experienced that urge one time in my life but for women that live with that i really understand AND there is help...
i was in this special therapy or training for 2 years that gave me the skills to cope with obsession and extreme pain like you are describing. it's called dialectical behavioral therapy and i would recommend purchasing a book by marsha linehan called skills training manual for treating borderline personality disorder. never mind the title. i went when i was breaking up with my ex and my ptsd was extremely triggered in my r'ship with him. my anxiety was through the roof. i was miserable with obsession.
there are four modules in her program. the first two are the two i'm recommending you purchase the book for right now. one is distress tolerance and the second is mindfulness. in distress tolerance there are literally hundreds of suggestions for coping with intense pain. i learned to do something for 20 minutes every time it got really bad.
a lot of women were never taught how to cope. a lot of us have emotion regulation problems and are dependent on men to feed us emotionally. we are terrified of rejection and abandonment. and that's okay. we can learn how to cope and make our skin thicker. borderline personality is really on a continuum and i'm not saying anyone here has it. but i think as wwltm most of can relate to having traits of this disorder. like really intense emotions that most women can't understand.
i'm glad you're here. try to leave him alone and focus on learning how to cope with your emotions.......you can get better...you can feel better, i promise you. it takes time to learn and to practice and for it to become a way of life but i can attest that it can get better. i was a disaster when i got here. it's been two years and i'm doing really well. i still have issues of course. all we can do is try our best one day at a time and keep swimming.
try the ice and let us know okay?????