Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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I'm so confused

Chancenme
Chancenme
Ugh, I caved this weekend. Saturday night I was hit with an overwhelming sense of sadness. I had to contact him and I did. I sent a text "Was just thinking about you." He is a police man and I knew he would be working a side job because he is a workaholic......As soon as I hit send I immediately regretted it. It had been 3 weeks since we had any contact with each other and I had ONE weak moment and ruined it. Anyways he replied and we ended up talking for a couple hours. It felt good because I got a lot off my chest but now I am not sure where this puts us. He asked last night and I told him that we are not together and that the 2 of us don't work. We have too much to work on to jump into a relationship and I just cannot do that again. While I want to be his friend, I don't want him to get his hopes up.....I want to meet and date new people, and I was very clear about that last night......I'm so confused!!!!....UGH, I am just a glutton for punishment!
goingup
goingup
Hugs to you. It's okay. Pretty much all of us, when beginning NC, have caved in at some point (especially during weak moments). The point is not that you fell down, but whether you get back up each time you fall. A good thing you did was keep your resolve and tell him you don't want a relationship. I would suggest though not trying to be his friend. There is a good chance it will prevent you from moving on and achieving happiness in your life. Good luck going forward x
Chancenme
Chancenme
Thank you so much for your reply. While I know I cannot be in a relationship with him, I don't think I want to completely cut him out of my life. I told him how I feel and I will not change my mind. We are not healthy enough to be together and being with him helped me see that about myself, so I am grateful for that.
I started therapy and she told me that we all have a defining moment in our life, big or small that shapes us as adults. At that moment I stopped hating him because he too is hurting and has been badly affected by his childhood and while I do have compassion for him, I completely understand that it is not my responsibility to "make him better." That is completely up to him and how he chooses to live his life. I am keeping my distance however because I know I can't be with him and I don't want him to think there may be a possibility.
goingup
goingup
Great to hear you are getting extra support during this from a therapist. Whatever decisions you make, you are the best judge of what is right for you at this moment. So if you feel you want him there but with some distance, I fully respect that. Best of luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have tried the 'be friends with my ex'. For me, the waters were cloudy and I found myself saddened that that he wanted the intimacy and not the friendship. But I wish you well. Kuddos on sticking to your resolve.

Im seeking advice on how to avoid contact with my ex. It seems, currently, I'm lasting a week before responding to one if his a apologies only to find myself in the same drama. I had been successful, several months ago. But msnagef to be fall off the wagon and allowed myself to be swayed by his contacts flooded with how we were together and his apologies.

How in the world do people type do quickly on these cell phones?