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WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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how you look?! do you have a style?

sunnyjax
sunnyjax
Just thought I would share this. I have noticed one of my issues is how I look….I can't seem to get it right?!
If I see someone and I think…ooo thats a nice look?! …I will buy the same outfit to try and replicate the look she had. It can be anything but if this person is gaining approval for her dress and hair, make up etc I am more enthused with achieving this for myself.
I have always done this and used to have the biggest wardrobe on the planet!

I never feel quite right somehow, comfortable that I fit in?!
Its difficult to explain, all part of it I suppose.
I don't like to feel scruffy, and I can't do casual very well…it really depends on my confidence I think. Also another point is that if I am struggling I will be more inclined to wear greys and navy and black, invisible colours. Whereas I would normally go for reds and bright combinations when I am feeling better. I have tried wearing red when I want to wear black and it does hep to cheer me up!

As I am mid to late 40's now I find I need to take even more care so I don't look like mutton dressed as lamb - lol!

Its like I am seeking my visual identity by copying others.
This is the basis of c0-D right?!

I have got better lately as I have left my hair curly, I used to have the long straight blonde thing but rebelled one day and got the chop, it freed me so much I would like to do it in other areas of my life too.

anyone else relate?x
deleted_user
deleted_user
This was an interesting post. I think I tend to go casual and when I am dressed up I feel weird. But then there are times when I want to look sexy and own it. I guess at times my clothes really are just an extension of how I am feeling. I think I have found my own style kind of bohemian chic...maybe idk.
TokyoRose
TokyoRose
actually, "bohemian chic" probably applies to me too ;) people have also used the word "funky" though that irks me a little, don't know why. i think i have a side to me that's a reincarnated black person from the 70s -- this comes out especially in my choice of sunglasses and shoes. basically, i dress to please myself. hell, i'm 52, i can do what i like! when i go out i like to do the slinky femme thing, though i generally opt for sandals (flats) over heels. (i kind of like how heels make your legs look but i also like walking, so...) and i've NEVER had nails, and my hair is only down to my chin. (these days it is copper with a fuchsia streak -- there have been times when it was blue, pink, fire-engine red...) i guess my overall fashion-message to the world is, "free thinker." there have been times in my life when i've dressed in ways that really gets me noticed, sometimes "in your face" art punk, sometimes over-the-top killer outfit; but i find i don't like the attention that getting extra dolled up seems to generate so nowadays i tone it down. also, these days i buy only secondhand clothes, for political as well as economic reasons. but my wardrobe is still too full!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tokoyo I laughed so hard when I read ur post. I have always felt like I was born in the wrong era. There were times when people asked me if I was a gypsy. Sometimes I like long flowing dresses and this winter I bought flat knee boots and felt sexy as hell. Currently I am wearing tights and baby doll tights...hair french braided and I feel comfortable and divine. Love love love thrift stores
deleted_user
deleted_user
Baby doll tanks
sunnyjax
sunnyjax
I did wonder what baby-doll tights were!!!

I do have an inner bohemian in me too and did have pink hair until recently.
Im too tied up in how I look to others, I want to be acceptable and desirable I suppose.
I like to wear a dress mostly. Just chuck it on and shoes and Im ready. Preferable long so I don't have to worry about my legs too much! I also prefer flats as I can walk faster, and I do like to get where I am going!!!

I loved my hair red best of all. I found it too complicated to work out what to wear to go with red hair so Im back to blonde with pink streaks down one side.
Im not sure what I would wear to be just me…probably with you guys bohemian chic! long flowy dresses.

Its great you dress to please yourself. Im really not sure if I do that or not?!
sunnyjax
sunnyjax
I also do the thrift store thing or ebay. I think thats why my wardrobe is so full….its easier to take a risk on thrift clothes somehow.
…and then theres my fat day clothes and my thin clothes….oh gawd!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
When we work do hard at getting, giving, and pleasing others its so easy to lose sight of what we want and who we r. Im thinking it might be fun to try things and see what I like and dont like. I read a book the artist way that suggested you take yourself on a date once a week. I found this to be so difficult. I had no idea what to do with myself for a date once a week. So I stopped doing it but maybe I should start back
deleted_user
deleted_user
I like getting books from the thrift store. Sometimes I find some really good ones. I prefer getting clothes from a consignment shop.
DianaShepherd
DianaShepherd
I still struggle with this, too. Well, I'm going through some sort of illness that leaves me exhausted and I am going through menopause now, too, or serious peri menopause and so my body and appearance has changed drastically a lot in the past year and I just don't know what looks good on me anymore or how I want to look or what is appropriate sometimes for me anymore. I don't want to be someone else or have to conform to rules that don't fit for me, I just want to feel safe and happy and express myself but everything feels so up in the air right, it's hard to know which way to go.
artgrrl
artgrrl
I have large feet so I have based my wardrobe choices around what actually fits my feet. For casual wear I have tried to co-ordinate clothes with my Blundstone boots (a more adult version of doc martens)--for formal wear, I get stuff that fits with my Fluevog boots and shoes.In the summer I most often wear Birkenstocks, so I pair stuff that doesn't clash too horribly with them, lol. I have a couple of skirts that I wear, also have leggings and a sort of apron-like shortish skirt that I put over the leggings. I have avoided jeans and pants because I am super-sensitive to feeling physically cramped; I have quite a lot of loose skin from my skin being stretched in pregnancy, so that informs my choices as well.

I think, Sunny, that it's possible that you've been able to emulate more styles because maybe your ability to experiment is more varied than some. I'm an artist and have discovered that when we have parameters in an art project a more distinct style develops. I know that in my wardrobe style this has been the case.
sunnyjax
sunnyjax
I have wider than wide feet so I can appreciate what you are saying - its all about the shoes eh!!!

I also hate jeans - hate them so much! They are so uncomfortable! ALways too tight, too low, too tight on my calves!! I quite like mens trousers though - especially the deep pockets!!!

I just feel that I feel uncomfortable in a lot of styles - I like a big loose dress to be honest - a kaftan would suit me just fine! And comfy flat shoes, if any, of course! MAybe some flowers in my hair too!!!

I try too hard and care too much about what people think….
artgrrl
artgrrl
Argh, I hate jeans, especially when sitting down, lol
anamaria0
anamaria0
Hi Sunny,
I have struggled with this all my life. I've never felt that i have an identify, in terms of having a style at least. Now, in my late 30's I'm still trying to copy what others wear that I think it's nice but more importantly, what I think others would approve of, so if I am dating a hippy I would try to dress that way or if I am hanging out with trendy friends I will try to wear something that I think they will like. It is a real problem for me, I never thought that I could be related to codependency, but it makes sense.
I'm not sure how I can help myself with this one. When I go shopping, I can't even tell if I like something. When I was with my last boyfriend I would only buy something if I thought he would like it or if he fitted with his hippy lifestyle. He also used to say 'none of the women I've dated have used make-up' so I stopped wearing make-up.
How pathetic!