Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I told hubby last night I wanted a legal separation! Just came out after he continued to bash me about the finances. He took it very hard. At first he said "you better get a lawyer!!" But then after 24 hours he is now humble and has apologized for his behavior. He says it is all just really sad to him that we are at this point after 17 years and that there were a lot of good times.
This has made me very very sad. I'm not sure if I should sit with the sadness or not. If I sit with the sadness am I just pretending that it really wasnt that bad?? Am I beating myself up cuz I want out of a relationship that really isnt that bad? Am I just being selfish again? Am I feeling sad cuz I should cuz its the end of a very long relationship? If I feel too sad will it lead to depression again? If I feel too sad will it stop me from doing what I need to do?(move on with the separation) If I feel too sad maybe I will think that he will change. But if I ignore my feelings am I distracting myself?
How do I take care of me when I feel so sad?
This has made me very very sad. I'm not sure if I should sit with the sadness or not. If I sit with the sadness am I just pretending that it really wasnt that bad?? Am I beating myself up cuz I want out of a relationship that really isnt that bad? Am I just being selfish again? Am I feeling sad cuz I should cuz its the end of a very long relationship? If I feel too sad will it lead to depression again? If I feel too sad will it stop me from doing what I need to do?(move on with the separation) If I feel too sad maybe I will think that he will change. But if I ignore my feelings am I distracting myself?
How do I take care of me when I feel so sad?
My gut told me to leave and I stayed (I had all the same questions you're having) and I wasted at least ten years of the best part of my life.
I think for most of the women here it is difficult for us to make a decision out of our truth because we have denied our truth for so long. If we are angry, then we can choose, if we wont to make others happy or feel safe then we can choose. But when we are faced with choosing for our comfort, for our happiness, for our desire then we feel guilt.
Should you be sad, if you are then you are sad. To me sadness is the easiest one of the hard emotions to deal with. It is soft, gentle, and warm but it is a painful emotion none the less. To me sadness calls forth that thing which is not there. To me it is a remembrance of what was not what is.
Would you want your husband to stay with you if his rational for the relationship was "its not that bad." I don't want to be anyone settle. When he meet a woman that wants him as he is and is in love with him he will be glad that you didn't settle. Are you being selfish, I don't see why. You are not withholding an opportunity to have a better more fulfilling life from your husband. If he does not move on, how is that your fault. Maybe he is being selfish to want you to stay even when you are not happy. I am not a marriage counselor just curious.
I think the best way to take care of sad feelings is to allow them to run there course. To me sadness burns like a soft heat it does not overwhelm but when it moves, and it will move, it leaves you feeling cleanse.
I just thought of this. If you don't want him you don't want him. You don't have to justify the reason, the reason does not have to be good or valid. If you don't want him that is the answer. I don't want him and if people or you mind says why don't you want him....say because I don't.
No...is a complete sentence.
a marriage for 17 years is no reason you should be in it for another say 25 years.Still divorce isn't like...hey lets have a divorce. If you are sure you cant be happy in this marriage...and you still stay in there...you are denying yourself the possibility of a better future perhaps. But yeah, may i ask how bad is it....
your questions are all valid and i've had them myself. however, they are based on not having choices. you always have choices in every way every day.
also i think sadness itself is asking the questions to keep you from experiencing it. sometimes sadness is very deep and lasting. but sadness and grief is not depression.
when i was divorced i felt relieved, deeply deeply saddened, depressed some days, angry. you will have a whole host of emotions come up and if you allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without judging it it will move through you and you will not get stuck. if you resist and fear them or push them away or deny them you are bound to base your decisions on that and unconsciously act out or experience those emotions anyway.
it's all about acceptance and self compassio. just allow what is to be. tell yourself you're okay. you'll make it through one day at a time…..you don't need to analyze or judge whether you are sad or not. if you're sad be sad. if you're not that's okay too.