Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hi all—longtime member here. I know there’s some new ladies who have joined the forum—sending out a big welcome.
anyway, hope you're well. i am only rarely on the boards these days, but i still like to check in from time to time. compared to where i was when i first came here, i really am "on the other side." yay! there IS another side and it is GREAT. i want to encourage others.
this forum (which used to be much more active -- pity that it's kind of died down) really helped me through my darkest days [shudder]. i wouldn't want to have to relive that period. still, i realize it had to happen. i didn't understand how broken i was until i really broke down. a harrowing journey in fact, but that's when the real healing began.
for the record, i am still with the same guy, but only because he was willing to change his ways. we have grown a lot, separately and together. i'm happy to say we're at a really good place now and have been for some time. but i also very much have my own life... and it has become VERY precious to me. and this is the real outcome of the healing process (NOT "getting the guy"). i've learned how important it is to build something that's entirely yours, something no-one can take away with you. i cherish every day now.
so if anyone who is struggling is reading this, i send you my compassion and my hope, that you find your way out of the pain. i know it's not easy to start loving yourself when you are used to feeling like you don't deserve it. but be kind to yourself and realize that there's a light shining inside of you, a light that, with patience, you can uncover so that it shines OUT of you. :) please don't lose hope. sending hugs.
and artgrrl, i'd love to have an update on how YOU are!
I’m also with the same guy, but the relationship has become fairly stable. Idon’t put a lot of energy into thinking about the relationship anymore, I reckon if he does something to fuck it up that’s his problem. If I’m to really analyze what’s changed in the dynamics I’d say that I’m much, much less fearful of losing the relationship. He knows what my boundaries are and he knows that if he crosses them that would be it, and that I wouldn’t try to salvage the relationship. And—that there’d be ten guys waiting in the wings to pick up where he left off. I know this sounds cocky and conceited but I’ve come to realize that women who get stuck in bad relationships seem to lose sight of the fact that they have lots of options—they’ve just blinded themselves to those options.
I’ve made some big change in my own life, too—I’ve stopped dying my hair and wearing makeup. I found that that he doesn’t even care about that. Being a narc he’s more concerned about his own plumage and how I enhance that image. Since he doesn’t notice grey hair and makeup he thinks he’s got prime arm candy, (even though I’ve put on about 15 pounds lol).
I got off Facebook and spend no more than a few minutes a day on Instagram. I am so glad I made that move.
I’m trying to worry less about what people think of me. I’m trying not to take things personally. I still get depressed sometime but not about him.
So, so good to hear from you. It sounds like you’re in a really good place right now. That is extremely gratifying to hear. I went on the page of a member from years ago and looked at her last posting (five years ago) where she hooked back up with someone who had done several non-negotiable behaviours after leaving him in what looked like was a promisingly permanent end—but no, she got sucked back in. You know it’s a process but we’re all trying to achieve independence from having the key to our happiness being in someone else’s pocket. So I’m really happy for you that you’ve seen the other side!
Would love to talk more but I need to get to bed. Don’t forget to pm me! Xoxo
Exactly! I'd even say that if my current relationship would end, that I'd be really, really okay on my own. Learning to connect with the "me" that is me has been the biggest gift of this whole process. The key to my happiness is in no-one else's pocket now and never will be again.
Your hair/makeup comment made me smile. You did always strike me as someone who was gorgeous on the inside, which really makes the "package" irrelevant. But I relate to your comment all the same. The whole looks/ageing thing is another discussion entirely... What I've found to be true in this life, and not just in relation to me but to everyone, is that feeling good equals looking good. We get caught up in our surfaces but really, it all projects outward from the inside. :)
Thank you for posting!
I created a facebook group to which I want to invite you all. I searched everywhere but nowhere did I find such a group on facebook. So I invite all Ladies to help myself and others .
I'm new too! Thank you for the encouraging words. Really struggling today and will be during the weekend, but happy to know this group exists. xoxo