I think you will see from previous discussions it is quite normal for them. You will probably always be on his radar, and good job ignoring him. That is the only way you will get him to go away.

Is there any way you could block his texts? Stay strong with the NC, he sounds very toxic. Good luck.

We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they have caused but they are never going to listen and if they do, they do not hear the words.

What we often miss is the beauty of No Contact. You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs Go to the Devil. No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering.

It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word.

No contact is so essential. Your pride and dignity are riding on it.


My therapist very rarely advises me, as such preferring to help me see the right answers for myself. But the one thing he has been absolutely emphatic about, ever since I told him about it, is that I must NOT contact my N, under ANY circumstances.

We do not want the NP back in our life... we only want them when we are hurting.

Dig way down inside and find the place that says, no more not ever never again and then just do not, no matter what.

I hope you do not think this No Contact thing is just to teach him a darn good lesson. If you do, you have missed the whole point altogether.
No contact is the strongest statement I can make to him.

The no contact rule was the best thing I ever did. Stay strong.

He was so cruel to me. I just called him to tell him. The opinions of society are brutal when a target states she has been abused and then she contacts her abuser, I can honestly tell you that such behavior is viewed as utterly stupid, dangerous, ridiculous and silly to the outside world. Its glaring bad judgment. The courts see mutual pathology and friends and other people just roll their eyes, turn away in droves muttering she is as crazy as he is, They will assume she lied about his abuse in the first place. It is a huge factor in how they win.

From the BPD Central Site - a Must-Read on Leaving
http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

My therapist told me it was completely unhealthy to engage in useless talking to him and to STOP ALL COMMUNICATION

STARVE THE VAMPIRE

by Sandra Brown, MA


Pathological persons are energy and emotional vampires. They live off of your emotional content. Part of their personality deficit is the lack of a stable and consistent inner core of a self concept so they need constant attention, distraction, and identity management from which they draw their identity.

Lots of their identity is acquired from their relationships since internally there is so little core self to draw from. This is part of the reason they are so exhausting. In order to get their emotional blood supply from you, they hook you into conversations or arguments or any kind of response they can get from you. They live vicariously thru your own emotional expressions of love, frustration, confusion, etc. It does not always matter what emotion is fed to the vampire (although narcissists like adoration) but just that there is SOME content is enough for them, even your tears, or your screams, or your insults. It does not matter, they just need something, anything from you in the way of content. If they do not get the blood supply/emotional content from you, they will seek elsewhere. (Remember Dracula? He just moved from town to town taking it where he could get it?)

When you begin to break up (read my How to Break Up With a Dangerous Man E-book) he will fear the loss of emotional supply. He wont fear losing you so much as he will getting his identity and his sense of self from you and/or the relationship. He fears the loss of self or who am I without her? This is a very fragmented ego state, one which only exists thru relationships with others.

So when you try to break up, he will continue to contact you which is why they are hard to break up with (read my book). They are predictable in their approaches to get you to respond to them (you are feeding the vampire his emotional blood supply every time you talk to him). These are some of his approaches and if you can get a bag of popcorn and just watch it like it was a LifeTime for Women movie and detach from it, you will see a whole movie pan out like this:

One contact he is angry, blaming, shaming
When you dont respond to that verbally or emotionally (think like you are lobotomized with no facial expression, that is what I want women to do with these men)

Then one contact will be sweet, loving, buy you things
When you dont respond

He will promise to do what youve asked for years. go to counseling, church, take meds, be nice, go to anger management
When you dont respond

He will get angry again--say you arent working on the relate which is why its gonna fail
When you dont respond

He will quit calling for a while to make it look like hes moved on (They are boomerangs, they ALWAYS come back a few times.)
When you dont respond

He will indicate he found someone else or had sex with someone else
When you dont respond

(Are you enjoying the popcorn and movie about now??)

He becomes sick, he doesnt know what this mysterious illness is, or he has prostate cancer, MS, some other lethal disease
When you dont respond

He will just go back to drinking/drugging/dealing/driving too fast/etc.
When you dont respond

He will kill himself, leave the area, never see you again
When you dont respond

He will take the kids, drag your ass thru court, threaten to physically harm you
When you dont respond

He will tell you he is dating someone you hate or his previous girlfriend or wife
When you dont respond

It will come full circle and will begin again, at the top of this list.

When I do phone counseling, its all the same stories. I know that women think that their experiences are unique. But pathology is all the same--these people arent very creative and dont deviate much from the strict internal structure that is associated with pathology. They ONLY react in certain ways so for me, its pretty easy to predict. Once you are able to understand this, you can predict his sad/silly/stupid reactions to a break up.

Since they live off of your emotion and NEED it, the sooner you starve him out by having no contact and if you have to because of your kids, no words exchanged and no emotional content on your face, the vampire will flee to the next available source to be fed.

When women dont disconnect once they understand the feeding and maintenance of pathologicals, they are doing it because SHE wants to remain. The ball is then in your court to figure out where you are still hung up so you can disconnect. This is not a judgment about women not being able to leave. It is a POINTER to a place where the disengagement has hit a snag. Simply notice where the snag IS so that something can be done.

As soon as you are ready to really make the break, buy the Break Up book and then starve THE VAMPIRE. I am going to have fridge magnets made with that on there so women remember daily to not feed the vampire who is lurking near by.

Courtesy Sandra Brown at
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/