The human behavior studying side of my brain wonders... What is it about some people that make others flock to their needs? I have a friend, who has anxiety issues, and she can post about her distress on facebook and in moments she is surrounded by people trying to coddle her. I have another friend who never calls anyone hardly. but people constantly show up just to say hi and make sure she is ok. i just dont get it.

It hurts. but you are not alone. It is lonely, but you have people on here you can talk to. Please remember this because it's hard to find support. your friends and family don't know how to walk through this. I am not making excuses for them but it's just not a normal thing. I find it very abnormal and I am in it.
Remember to take it one day at a time, one minute at a time if you need to in the beginning. Be good to yourself. Write if you can. listen to good music. take baths. paint your nails.

you are worth it!
and you are not ALONE!!

Im feeling a little better now. it just hits me really hard here and there. and so many reminders around this wretched place that trigger me. especially trudging up memories to remind myself that i have been through this before many times, that this is what i know, and that i know the outcome if i stay with him. that there is no difference, no matter what my heart wants to believe. I will be moving away soon. i just have to make it until then. I will be calmer away from here.

and thank you. i do need to paint my nails. they are rather ragged. :)

Some people get the attention because others no they are weak and naturally good at draining people ...
You however I guess like all of us on here come across to others as strong ,independent ,grounded and safe women (hence why we attract the men we do to take that from us) so people "assume"we are or will be ok ..

I read a quote once saying the loneliest people are the ones who go out their way to give to others !!!

I remember over 3yrs ago when my first ex left ,had an affair ,left his job and still continued to abuse me ,at the same time my friends husband left her .....in the school playground dropping my girls off another parent came up to me and said isn't it awful about such and such ,her husband etc ...how is she coping??? Blah blah
I said she is doing well ,after all we are in t together and the woman looked at me and said" oh yeh it has happened to you ,oh but you will be fine ,you are always are and you have it sooo together "!!! WTF AAARRGGHHHH she didn't know the night before I cried myself to sleep ,after collapsing on the kitchen floor ...
We hide our pain from the world ,we appear strong ,sometimes we have too if we have children ,but we are our own worst enemy ,we are scared to show people we are vulnerable ...perhaps we should !!!!

You are not alone my friend ...you are strong!!!!!!!!

And he'll paint your toes aswell .....go wild and love yourself xxxxxxx

Hi Dracona, you are not alone, we are all here for you and for each other.... and that's because you started this amazing group :) .... so you have gosh, nearly 2000 friends who care about you !

I too am feeling lonely and exposed and a bit ungrounded this weekend, my constant voice of '2Butterfly you are not good enough' is a constant battle to switch off from...... I have a friend like yours who only has to bat her eyelids and the whole world rushes to her aid !!!! It is quite sickening to be honest, and no-one has ever done the same for me, she is the epitomy of 'little girl lost and projects a virginal mother earth ' façade also.... when actually , she cheated on her ex husband numerous times, slept with her physician , and now gets to live the life of stay at home Mom for free while her new husband ( a controlling Narc!) has everything his way lol .............. whereas....... strong, honest, loving, faithful, hardworking, Amazonian, maternal,sexy, smart , compassionate women like us.... have to do it all on our own! ..... so sending you a big (((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))) .... I am so blessed to know such wonderful women on this site, and I too, need not feel lonely this weekend and can share my feelings here in safety and in confidence, knowing that encouragement and hugs and humour are here in abundance amongst us WWLTM .

He'll ...I meant and hell paint your toes ;)))))

Our replies crossed butterfly...but I totally agree !!! These damsels in distress seem to get it all ,it's boils my blood ..I see them behaving like pathetic needy women ,when half of them have affairs they,are so false it's untrue !!!

Amazonian .....brilliant!!!!! Lol

But actually deep inside we are lost little girls looking for that security blanket ,I guess we need to look closer to home it's inside us ..we have our own security blanket xxxxx

Big hugs xxxx

Still laughing at Amazonian .........I am picturing a bunch of 7ft women ,built like rugby players,body hair of an ape and dragging our men round like cave women ....loll!!!!!

But I get what you meant ...thanks lol xxxx

Have you ever watched wonder woman? those women are beautiful lol and kick ass.

I just get to feeling down sometimes, and really just want someone around who wants to be with me without me pursuing them. just friend-wise even. hell. I just dont get it. one friend who has people rushing to coddle her, is a weaker type. the other one... is very amazonian. she never calls. she stands people up... she is an awesome person otherwise... but people go looking for her. ive done an experiment. ive purposely NOT called anyone for a period of a couple months... and honestly, no one seems to care! I dont want to be coddled and am not seeking sympathy... just someone to talk to and be social with. its waaaayyyy too easy for me to be anti social.

and once in a while... I AM a lost little girl who wants the mommy she never had and misses the grandmother who died so long ago, who was the only support i had ever known in this life. sometimes i want to curl up into a little fetal ball and have my hair stroked. have someone tell me they love me and that it will be ok. I sure as hell dont have that. if i show emotion to my step family, its because I want sympathy and attention. IF i tell my mom, she revels in the fact that I am in pain and will only add to it.

im just pouting about it all. cause earlier, i was a crying mess. my pride is hurt. my feelings are hurt. and im struggling to still function, and i was wondering, i was there for my friends, where are they now?

hmpf.

Try and stay strong .....these emotions are normal,they are healthy ....go with it !!!! Scream,shout,cry and then pick yourself and crack on !!!

Do your hair,put your makeup and go out !! Get yourself a coffee,buy a magazine and spoil yourself my friend xxx

I am sorry that you are feeling lonely Dracona, I feel this way sometimes to, you want to scream just so someone will listen and pay attention to you, and sometimes even when someone listens it feel as though they don't HEAR what you're really trying to say, I hope this time for you passes into happier times :) also I have been reading a lot of self-help book lately and one of the major points was healing your inner child. It is amazing how much power, pain, and suffering you inner child still feels. It is hard to let go of those feelings because your inner child still has deep wounds, check this out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYYqghixwng
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ySujND2Wdw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fu4yiAQvJI

It is a very interesting concept, and I think he has alot of interesting helpful things to say even if all of it doesn't relate to your situation and the exercises he does with the audience really works, when he did the one with the audience about walking your inner child away from your old home, I balled my eyes out when I tried and so did most of the audience members.

Thank you btw for founding this group, it has given me a lot of help already, ((((Hugs and Best Wishes)))

i have the lonelies this weekend too. it's so hard to go through life without companionship. but, i guess we make the best of it. last time i gave myself time to get over someone, it took about a year and a half and that was one of hte most productive times of my life. sooooo, today i'm going to accept that i feel lonely, that it will pass, and do something constructive. mopping floors and washing walls is tedious and boring, but it gives me purpose for today. i'm hoping that at some point, i will completely okay with being single but i sure don't feel that way today.

at least you are in a place(and will be) of discovery and acceptance in life.If you work on your recovery you will go through what has needed to be done to get to a healthier you.This is what I believe,
Someone mentioned this saying the other day somewhere and it had came in my mind.....
"I couldn't see the forest for the trees..!"
I think that just because we are going through a process that feels uncomfortable, like awareness, feeling our feelings, introspection,etc and so many others doesnt mean we will never feel/get better.But I know for myself, that burying my feelings and my needs have been something I have done automatically.It didn't serve me that it became a lifelong pattern that caused me to lose sight(or ever learn to honor)my true self.Therefore, being so out of touch and suffering for it and being taken for granted , while giving too much in relationships left me damage and hurting.
Now, in recovery, those things that have been buried and repressed have to be sorted out, identified, felt and healed.Also replaced with healthier more hopeful tools.So that I can enjoy and reap the good benefits of my efforts.Through all that, I have had to learn how to have boundaries so that I don't give unearned trust and commitment to those things(people) who havent shown themselves trustworthy or worthy of my commitment.Allow myself to go by what they DO, not just what they SAY.I must learn the difference from pity and compassion.I can have compassion for those who have yet to get into recovery for those issues while keeping myself safe from the harm it would bring me from being enmeshed in their problems that it pulls me down and tries to destroy me.I'm not being uncaring by not allowing that to happen.It means I know, now, that the damage it can do to me,by neglecting to take care of me in that way.

I have to also be aware of anyone who would try to apply that same guilt onto me if I choose to be healthy that way.They perhaps have the same problem of caretaking and arent where they need to be to learn/practice detachment.That is their path.I have paid a hefty price for my ignorance(no matter how well intentioned I thought I was being) it still kicked me severally throughout my life in the butt!!!
I've suffered so much. Now I must learn to look at things in a way that will actually get me real progress.The old coping mechanisms must be identified, felt and replaced.Be cause they go not serve me well.They became a handicap, that I thought was actually right.The pain I'm going through now will give me what I have needed so long.I will heal and life will get better.Yes, I will have painful hard times learning my way through. (thats what recovery, groups, books are here for -to be encouraged , strengthened, educated, to continue on). Also life will bring me painful times because that's life.But if I stick to my recovery I can learn a better way and also learn to enjoy the journey instead of letting the hard times overshadow all the good that I can enjoy that is mine for the enjoying if I will let it..
Best of luck to you, you will get better if you hang in there in recovery,
Ross

The thing that is getting me the most right now is... Ive been here before. My soul is exhausted. I had long healed the hole that was in my chest... I was finally in a place to deal with my past. To truly acknowledge the facts of my ptsd and focus on ME. I trusted him with this... Seeing me at my worst. Letting it out. I want someone to talk to... But there is really no one. I feel like ive lost all strength and i just want to lay here. Just lay here. I hardly have enough energy to go to the bathroom right now... And the weight is so heavy. Im trying to stay calm... Its like a constant panick attack... A constant trigger that i cant stop. I havent slept since last saturday... Im going on a full 8 days with little more than naps that last no longer than minutes. I cant sleep and if i take anymore sleeping pills trying it wont be good. anxiety is just too high. It wont let me sleep. I dont have enough money to let me move. Even if i did theres no energy right now. Ive been hurt before... I can deal with pain. This is different. Maybe its cause it happened right in the middle of me dealing with the depths of the ptsd monster... But the reason hardly matters. Im here now... And i dont want to get up. Im just tired and lonely.