good luck Dracona. I hope it all works out well. We all have to do what we have to do to get through things. I know that sometimes people don't quite understand how I handle things in my life sometimes, but despite being confused or not understanding certain things, I know EXACTLY what I'm doing on other things and how I need to do or WHAT I need to do to get what I want to move forward. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. But it does for me.

I got all the information I need. I'm glad. I know how far his lies go now. There is nothing my brain or he can do to sabotage me or my choice. I'll write more later about it but I'm done.

I can't wait to hear all about the meeting. Good for you for listening to your GUT and scaming out his lies.

Ooo yea...let us know how it went!

ok, here is the update, supposedly they were together for 4 years according to him, but she says they were hardly together at all, and that he even tried to propose but she didnt want to be with him, that she didnt cheat on him, but she did have other relationships because they werent together. she seemed a little quirky, but i knew what questions to ask. she cried like 4 times, especially when i asked if he hit her, and she said she didnt think that he would ever do it again because she stood up to him. when i was telling him all the things he told me about her, she told me it wasnt true, but didnt seem angry that he made her out to be such a bad person... the only time she got angry was when she found out that he contributed his recent success with his job to me, and said he called to say the same thing to her. she said she has been there supporting him emotionally for a long time. so a bit wierd. but she said they had never stopped hanging out. just as friends and that they never really had a sexual relationship because she simply was never attracted to him in that way, and it was minimal when they tried dating, she said it was wrong of her to allow him to take care of her financially, and would feel bad about it, and then try the dating scene with him, but that all he gave was freely offered. but he had hit her, and his ex before that in the past.

he even hung out with her the other day, a day ago? to watch a movie, then came home to ask me if i wanted to watch the same movie, and i had blantantly asked him if he had seen her since i found out he took her to a restaurant and he said he had only talked to her through text. she showed me the amount of times he had called her recently on his phone and that she didnt want me to think she was a bad person.
i asked her why she would want to be friends with someone like him, and she said that she just doesnt believe in abandoning anyone, and believes he has the potential to do better.
more like she likes that he buys her things to me. she obviously has issues, but she was alright, and he has obviously been lying to me the whole time about his relationship with her.
when i spoke to him after this he said he portrayed her so badly because he was angry with her, and that she was lying to me too or i misunderstood. whatever. i dont care, this is his supposed best friend now right? i dont know, but my friends dont lie to me or about me, or engage in any craziness. im done.
i asked him straight up the other day, looked straight into his eyes and asked, if there was anything else he had not told me, and when he started hanging out with her, and he lied to me then as well.
not ok. there is one thing i ask of anyone and thats to not lie to me. i may have my faults, but i am not a liar.
im just sad, more disgusted, like really? again? but at least now i have the tools to get away, and im staying away now.... i have no desire to be near or around anyone but myself and my daughter.
i gave it a go... and was disappointed. but i learned things about myself... and at least i know im strong enough to leave. because of all the abuse ive suffered, i have the ability to completely disassociate my emotions, and in a way ive learned to control it. and right now i decide to feel nothing, and let it leak out in ways that i can handle. but overalll, i am really ok, and it just drives me further to keep up with my goals and ambitions wherever those will lead me.

Hey I applaud you and the amount of progress and emotional maturity to know that once a boundary is crossed, you draw a line in the sand and say: this stops here. You will not get repeated chances to destroy my heart.

Lying and hitting. No way in hell would I be around that and even less expose my daughter to such a man.

I agree with SusyP, well done. Sticking to boundaries is often difficult but you know what yours our and you stick to them.

Lying and hitting....major deal breaker. much love to you

Good job Dracona! You and your daughter deserve much better than what he had to offer. I hope that your new place and fresh start will be the beginning of greater days ahead. I am so inspired that you had the guts to figure out as much as you could about both situations from both perspectives and say good riddance to what was obviously no good. Good Luck!!

I took a huge leap... i ended a stagnant relationship with a very nice guy, it just wasnt going anywhere, that was very hard on me because i did and do love him, i just was ready for the next step in my life, and he wasnt in his. i started this new relationship soon after, and i guessed i jumped into it the way i did in a way to prove to myself that i could handle it. i left the safe zone... and i had to prove to myself that if things went awry that i was strong enough to get through it. and well, they did go bad, and i am strong enough. i am no longer the person i was... i can still feel that person in me... the want to believe him, the want to believe it will be different, to make those excuses for him... but honestly, i just cant. when i found out about him, an impenatratable wall went up, and i cant even break it. boundry was crossed. door shut. end of story. i can understand people make mistakes, BUT, you DO NOT, lie to me. and if he were truly serious about fixing things with his origional mistake, then he would not have continued to go see her while i was so uncomfortable. then throw my faults in my face. circular conversations, i hate them, not even worth my breath. i am truly disgusted. i even talked to his mom today... and she said she always told him those girls would be the death of any healthy relationship he ever would have if he continued a friendship with them... and for him to lie to me.... no thank you. my mind wants to think that he will remember and learn from this in his next relationship, and that she will get everything i was supposed to... i have to stop myself. because, they never change. NEVER. incapable. and even on the off chance that it did happen, is it worth me compromising my self worth and dignity to stay with someone who lied to me? in my belief system, you think before you act, and suffer the consequences. i dont believe in apologies, only actions. if you have to apologize to me, you better have the actions to back it up, and even then, it can only be accepted over time once the words are proven to be true.
im so done with this relationship. funny to think that two weeks ago i thought i was on cloud nine. funny how quick things can change. but at least now, and i owe so much to this group for this, but now i can change too, i can leave. a couple years ago, i would have been spinning, begging him to love me, wondering why why why, and finding an excuse, any excuse, as to why it happened, and trying to sacrifice myself so he would see how much i loved him and was there for him in the hopes that he would change.

NEVER AGAIN. Thank you all for that, thank you all for who i am today, i could not have done this without you.

Love to you, Dracona. I know that these past couple of weeks have been hell in a hand-basket for you, and you're probably mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. I wish you healing and strength as you re-calibrate your life. You WILL heal, it will just take time.
xoxo