Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I had a strange thought today on my way to work. I have WAY too much time to think on my 1 hour drive each way to and from work! ha ha.
But here is what I thought about: I thought that it is easy for me to tell others, especially on this site, what I would do if I were in their shoes. For example I hear about a guy being really abusive to someone and I say "I would run as fast as I could away from that!." But when I really get honest I probably would not. I would sit in the middle of the misery. Why is it that I can see so clearly what is healthy or not healthy for someone else, but when it comes to me and my life I am blind?
I think I am getting to that answer. It is because I really don't know myself. I have never really dug deep enough to deal with all those demons I carry deep down inside of me. This is not a very easy process and I have to remember that it may take a long time.
I guess it really does help us if someone else can see our picture of the situation from an outsiders view and they can give us sound advice. Maybe it is the stubbornness in me that rejects these unbiased and gracious observations and positive advice freely given to me.
We all often ask for others opinions, but do we actually listen to them? I am realizing that I do not. I warp what you say and make it fit what I want to hear. It is as if I live the life that I truly want through hearing your stories and giving my advice. It is truly clear and what I would hope for you. But I do not live my life that way! Why not??? Maybe I need to be more real with you in ACTUALLY telling you what I would probably do in real life? Or maybe I should try to hold myself to these higher standards that I think you should have for yourself? Not sure. What are your thoughts?
But here is what I thought about: I thought that it is easy for me to tell others, especially on this site, what I would do if I were in their shoes. For example I hear about a guy being really abusive to someone and I say "I would run as fast as I could away from that!." But when I really get honest I probably would not. I would sit in the middle of the misery. Why is it that I can see so clearly what is healthy or not healthy for someone else, but when it comes to me and my life I am blind?
I think I am getting to that answer. It is because I really don't know myself. I have never really dug deep enough to deal with all those demons I carry deep down inside of me. This is not a very easy process and I have to remember that it may take a long time.
I guess it really does help us if someone else can see our picture of the situation from an outsiders view and they can give us sound advice. Maybe it is the stubbornness in me that rejects these unbiased and gracious observations and positive advice freely given to me.
We all often ask for others opinions, but do we actually listen to them? I am realizing that I do not. I warp what you say and make it fit what I want to hear. It is as if I live the life that I truly want through hearing your stories and giving my advice. It is truly clear and what I would hope for you. But I do not live my life that way! Why not??? Maybe I need to be more real with you in ACTUALLY telling you what I would probably do in real life? Or maybe I should try to hold myself to these higher standards that I think you should have for yourself? Not sure. What are your thoughts?
As for seeing what's good for other people and not for yourself -- I think that's pretty universal! I know tons of people who can dole out advice but not follow it. It's easier to advise someone else because you're not emotionally involved with their problems.
I can't answer your question (should you try to hold yourself to these higher standards), but simply trying to be real and getting to know yourself better seem like excellent places to start. Although personally, I've never found your posts overly full of advice OR lacking in self-knowledge...
The hardest thing about taking our own advice is changing our habits. When we have mechanisms in place in our life that 'work' for us (however unhealthy they may be), so we on some level don't feel the need to change.
I know for myself that I still need to do a lot of work on myself. To be honest sometimes it's just pure laziness. I feel ok with where I'm at even though an outsider would probably say I'm unhealthy.