Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Well here I am in a new situation. ALL my feelings have once again done a 180. I finally stood up for myself and told the BF that I wanted him to move out. We were done. So I left him a very kind note as to that affect. I had to have a friend help me write it so that it would be kind.
What has happened is amazing! He has responded kindly and thus we are moving forward with the living separation, but now I find all the wonderful feelings that I once had for him returning! I am deathly scared of living alone. BUT I am sticking to my gut and telling him that the relationship does not have to be over, I just need some time alone to figure out my marriage or divorce and work on me. He has been so kind about it all. I told him monday and he has found a place and is moving this weekend! The suddenness of him leaving has spun me around. I am thinking that maybe I am letting a great guy walk out the door. But then I remind myself that IF he is a great guy he will still be there for me and he will allow me this time. So far he is totally with it.
So now the amazing part. I think through letting go of ALL relationships I can see my marriage for what it was. I thought that by telling the BF to leave it would open the door for me to be able to go see and spend lots of time with my hubby. The amazing part is that what I am feeling now are not feelings for hubby but wonderful feelings of freedom. I feel free. I feel free from all the pain of hubby and the marriage. Granted these feelings will probably change soon, but for right now I have amazed myself. I actually am feeling excited and scared at the same time to be on my own. I see now that I can still have a relationship if I want it. The key is "if I want it".
We will see how the next few weeks go. I hope to find out or at least begin to understand what it is that Shani wants. I also think that this may be a lesson for me to love what I have and not always want what I cannot have. To flow with life. Not try to control it. I am taking a huge leap of faith that all my relationships will work out just as they are suppose to if I stop controlling them. The funny thing is that I THOUGHT I was controlling them and they are actually moving in whatever direction they were going without my thoughts.
It is the first day of empowered feelings. WOW. I am ok and I am loved. All on my own. Now is my chance to work on me! : ) I was going to say I hope I don't mess it up or give up on myself, but what I have changed that to immediately is " I can do this!" ..."I want to do this for me" "Whatever happens, I will be ok".
What has happened is amazing! He has responded kindly and thus we are moving forward with the living separation, but now I find all the wonderful feelings that I once had for him returning! I am deathly scared of living alone. BUT I am sticking to my gut and telling him that the relationship does not have to be over, I just need some time alone to figure out my marriage or divorce and work on me. He has been so kind about it all. I told him monday and he has found a place and is moving this weekend! The suddenness of him leaving has spun me around. I am thinking that maybe I am letting a great guy walk out the door. But then I remind myself that IF he is a great guy he will still be there for me and he will allow me this time. So far he is totally with it.
So now the amazing part. I think through letting go of ALL relationships I can see my marriage for what it was. I thought that by telling the BF to leave it would open the door for me to be able to go see and spend lots of time with my hubby. The amazing part is that what I am feeling now are not feelings for hubby but wonderful feelings of freedom. I feel free. I feel free from all the pain of hubby and the marriage. Granted these feelings will probably change soon, but for right now I have amazed myself. I actually am feeling excited and scared at the same time to be on my own. I see now that I can still have a relationship if I want it. The key is "if I want it".
We will see how the next few weeks go. I hope to find out or at least begin to understand what it is that Shani wants. I also think that this may be a lesson for me to love what I have and not always want what I cannot have. To flow with life. Not try to control it. I am taking a huge leap of faith that all my relationships will work out just as they are suppose to if I stop controlling them. The funny thing is that I THOUGHT I was controlling them and they are actually moving in whatever direction they were going without my thoughts.
It is the first day of empowered feelings. WOW. I am ok and I am loved. All on my own. Now is my chance to work on me! : ) I was going to say I hope I don't mess it up or give up on myself, but what I have changed that to immediately is " I can do this!" ..."I want to do this for me" "Whatever happens, I will be ok".
How do you continue to walk through something like this. You think it is the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong.????????????????? This is where the rubber meets the road. Do I have the strength to stay strong enough to do this?? Is it right? I am kicking him to the curb and want him to just wait around till I decide if I can live with him again?? He's not a bad guy. This might destroy our relationship. I am such a mess.............help.
One of the things I remind myself often is: Feeling Are Not Facts. They are valid and worthy, but sometimes fleeting.
You have been talking about breaking up with this man for a bit, so I think it is very normal and healthy to want to brak up for awhile and "get objective." I, too, have that ambivalence of "I need to break up," and then "what if I have made the wrong decision?" Not sure how log you have sat with your feelings, or what you have done to work through them, but if you have done both and *still* don't feel All In, then it is right not to continue the relationship and just be with yourself for the time being. Remind yourself: this is not the end of your life! If he can't understand a crisis of conscious and be willing to let you do what you need to do to get clear, then he isn't the man for you in the long run. People go in ebbs and flows. From what you have written in the past, it sounded like this man was very negative. You (of all people when going through a divorce) deserve to be surrounded by positive people and opportunities.
I get the fear. I happens to me every time I think about leaving my current situation. I don't have the answers. the only thing I would tell you is this: you felt very strongly, strongly enough to ask him to leave. Respect yourself. That is your intuitive sense, speaking. Perhaps the next few weeks are for you to be further in touch with the personal, spiritual, intellectual, and worldly (charitable) sides of yourself to bring forth the best of you... and THEN make big decisions.
Don't get caught up in your emtion. Trust yourself. xo