We all have been through this dear sometime or the other dear. So it is totally understandable. I can't say much comforting words as it has been just two weeks. But I promise it will get better and you will not feel this way AT ALL. Time is the key. In the meantime please follow a routine even if you feel totally against it. Get up at a particular time. Have all meals. Observe time discipline. Share whatever you want to on this forum. And meet friends, people in real life. Socialise don't be alone. You won't feel like it but these are two easiest ways at the stage you are in . break ups are devastating but this too shall pass. TC

I'm really sorry to hear of your pain. This guy has just dished up the ultimate invalidation to you as a woman, as a lover, as a partner, as a person... No wonder you're going out of your mind. I wish I could offer you some instant relief, but I can't. :( But like kuhu says, you WILL feel better. :) Right now you need to distance yourself from this situation any way you can, stop yourself from thinking about him, stop going over what was said and done -- put it all on ice. You can look over it all later when you feel stronger. "No contact" means putting him out of your mind completely (I know this is nearly impossible) and putting your focus squarely on you, on how awesome you are. Your self-esteem has taken one helluva blow and you need to repair that. Have you checked out baggagereclaim.co.uk? Her posts (and readers' comments) can be very energizing...

Even though it is so difficult for you right now, you need to do things to make yourself feel better. Force yourself to get out and do things. I am also going through a difficult time with my Husband. I try as often as I can to see friends, get my nails done, a massage, exercise, anything I can do to feel better and get stronger. You need to try really hard to get him out of your head and replace your thoughts with other healthy things. Find your strength and know in your heart that you deserve to be treated better. Don't settle for someone who doesn't think you are his world. Work on yourself right now so you can have a healthier happier relationship one day soon. :) I plan on doing the same!

Exaclty, I am going out of my mind. How to stop thinking about this? I am tired of thinking, I go over every word he said, and he said many to hurt me. Why do ppl do that?
When did I lose it? I dont understand

I took me months before I realized I wasn't thinking about my ex 24/7. And I mean he was on my mind all the time!!!! I know it is so clique to say but it really does take time, support, and knowing that you deserve so much better. I never thought, in 34 years of living, that I deserved better. Now I know I do. And you will get there too. Believe me, right now you are at your lowest. We have all been there. But the only way out of this pain is working through it each day. Just feel sad...it's ok. Feel angry,,,it's okay too. Allow yourself to feel the pain.

Everything takes time, one day at a time is all I can say. Just take it one day at a time. Soon you will be able to look back and see you feel better.

hugs from me, and welcome xxx

I like your avatar picture - I feel like that too.
xxx

Welcome. First of all there is *nothing* wrong with you. Everything you've described is normal in a breakup form an abusive relationship. You are not going to be able to control the obsession over him for a long time, but it will eventually go away on its own in time. Just don't beat yourself up about it. EVERYONE obsesses after the breakup, we all feel crazy, but it's normal.

A great book I would suggest for you is "It's My Life Now", which is about starting over after an abusive relationship.

Welcome Misslemos..I know it is hard right now, but in time you will realise these are actually only thoughts and there is so much more to you apart from your thoughts..One thing that has helped me in the recent breakup (3 months today) is to focus intensely in the present moment. e.g. if I am having a cup of coffee, slow down and taste every mouthful, every sensation. If I am hanging out the laundry just concentrate totally on what I am doing. Anything you do, do it with yourself fully there..That creates breaks in your thought patterns and gives you moments of relief. The urge to go back to your thoughts is overwhelming. I know. But even a second's break from the stuff going on in your head helps..Sending you lots of healing energy..

I have been where you are. In so much pain I didn't want to live. But just as others have said it takes time. LOTS of it. And more importantly what you do with that time. Take the opportunity to learn about yourself and why you got into this situation to begin with and what you can do to avoid it happening again. Let yourself feel the emotions as you need to to get past it. It really does pass. I promise.

I think most of us have been where you are, and many of us multiple times. and I think we can all say, it does get better. and for us WWLTM, we grow from our pain. You have a choice now. you cant change what happened. you cant make him love you, and you cant change how you feel right now. but you can choose what you focus on in any moment.

when things get overwhelming, talk to yourself. it sounds incredibly corny, but talk to yourself, walk around your house and state, I am walking around my house. State everything you do... I am looking at the wall, I am sitting on a chair, I am getting a drink of water. Do this, until you can breathe and think in the moment again. focus only on your movements and what you are doing. It helps re orient you back to the present and stop your mind from running away with all the what ifs and what could haves and what should haves. if you feel goofy doing this, GOOD, cause its better than freaking out. when you are calm again you can re asses the situation.

Similarities between most WWLTM, is it feels like a deep, gaping black hole in the chest. a deep loss. as if a part of the person is missing, and the only time it feels better is with a partner. they are the ones who take that pain away.

It is a long road, but you can and will learn to fill that void yourself. and this pain will end. Someday, if you keep on this journey, there will be a day where no one can hurt you like this again, because you wont let them. because you will respect yourself and know your worth.