Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
My husband has told me that I never consider his feelings. I do whatever I want and am selfish. He is a martyr. Then I ran into affair man last night after 2 months of no contact and was able to consider my feelings and security and decided I did not want to be there with him and was able to quietly walk out of the meeting. I was proud of myself. But then I did not want to be alone so I went to a friends house. Yes hes a guy. So now my friends are mad at me cuz I went to a guys house. They consider this just using him. He knows the situation and was just there for me to hang out with.
I feel like I cannot please anyone! Everyone has there opinion of what I should and should not be doing! So Yes I let all these people dictate my feelings. I have been crying and feeling miserable about myself all morning. But I just realized that I am allowing others to dictate how I feel about myself. I am not perfect and am trying my best in all areas. I have stayed away from affair man and I am seeing a marriage counselor with my husband to see if we want to get back together(we live separate) and I am working a program to be a better person and learn to love myself. I have not gotten into any new relationships, besides this guy who I have made it clear to is just a friend.
Why do I allow others to make me feel so bad?? I know some of it is that I become aware of behavior that I am not happy with, but I hate the beating up on myself part. I tend to forget the good things I have done like keep the no contact and actually care enough about myself now to not want to spend an hour in a room with affair man and actually choose to leave. Some days this self awareness crap just really gets to me. I want to love myself but not be selfish. Not sure how to do both. And do you have to have NO relationships with men at all in order to first figure out how to have a healthy relationship with them?
I feel like I cannot please anyone! Everyone has there opinion of what I should and should not be doing! So Yes I let all these people dictate my feelings. I have been crying and feeling miserable about myself all morning. But I just realized that I am allowing others to dictate how I feel about myself. I am not perfect and am trying my best in all areas. I have stayed away from affair man and I am seeing a marriage counselor with my husband to see if we want to get back together(we live separate) and I am working a program to be a better person and learn to love myself. I have not gotten into any new relationships, besides this guy who I have made it clear to is just a friend.
Why do I allow others to make me feel so bad?? I know some of it is that I become aware of behavior that I am not happy with, but I hate the beating up on myself part. I tend to forget the good things I have done like keep the no contact and actually care enough about myself now to not want to spend an hour in a room with affair man and actually choose to leave. Some days this self awareness crap just really gets to me. I want to love myself but not be selfish. Not sure how to do both. And do you have to have NO relationships with men at all in order to first figure out how to have a healthy relationship with them?
i find it hard to do both to its confusing
I think when we feel like we are being selfish it really is self-care and it is new and foreign to us. You may have to come to the point that as you live your life by your hand...others will not be pleased. Life is filled with advice isn't it. I take advice for what it is...if it is helpful and falls in line with what I want for myself...then it is conformation...if it is hurts and stings....I leave because either I am not ready to receive it or it is just not meant to be beneficial to me. You have to become the your measure for yourself.
in slaw they require (strongly suggest) at least a year's abstinence from men and relationships and sex.
go to a girlfriends house. men make it murky and complicated. using someone is selfish. don't make that choice. make another choice. if you feel like he likes you in another way don't delude yourself by telling yourself that you've made it really clear to him so it's his choice. does he see you or want you in a different way??? if he does be a good friend to hi and stay away.
this is of course all unsolicited advice so you can tell me to stuff it. but you did ask the question.
what if by staying away from all men and focusing on yourself and your marriage you started to heal your life?? wouldn't the commitment be worth it??
dr phil says you have to earn your way out of a marriage. he says you have to turn over every stone, do every single thing you can so that by the time you leave a marriage you are at complete peace that you have done everything possible and you walk away free from strong emotions. you are at peace.
you can do this girl. you can heal. you can get well. you can be who you are and not apologize. you can be wonderful you. don't let other people define you.
just take baby steps and love yourself all along the way. we get to make our decisions as long as we own them. if you still want to hang out with this friend and he does like you you just have to own that you are not being fair to him. that's okay. there is no judgment as long as you own it….. maybe decrease the amount of time you spend with him at first.
lots of women find it easier to be friends with men. but that is also a wwltm trait. there is nothing better than a kickass strong girlfriend. nurture those relationships….
are you able to spend time alone?? maybe you could increase that amount of time a little. read or take a bath or do something nice for yourself during that time.
all just ideas…
the key, imho, is to be accepting and kind to yourself and keep the focus on you.