Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Why is it that we feel so connected to our family? Why is it that we take what they say into ourselves?
I was doing pretty well today until talking with my dad just a few minutes ago. You have to know that my dad was always my favorite. He liked to do things..i.e. skiing, wood cutting, golf, biking, diving..etc. He is very active and I always enjoyed that. He used to be very passive also. He never yelled and played with us as kids. But then he was also mostly non existent as he stayed away working a lot when we were young. He never showed his feelings either. He is one who is very happy on his own. He can treat my mother like crap by ignoring her and never caring much about what makes her happy.
Anyway, as I was saying I just got off the phone with him. He basically told me that he see's no changes in me and because I won't move out on my own and be alone for a while he thinks I am a loser and have nothing good going on. He already hates my BF and has only talked with him one time for about an hour at a family function, so it was surface stuff. He is so judgmental that it makes me sick. I love him dearly though and tried to get him to say one positive thing about me and he just could not do it. How heartbreaking is that? No wonder I have such issues with men. My own father thinks so little of me it is a wonder I care about myself at all!! But my question is why do I care what he thinks? How can I love him and participate with him without letting him get to me? At first I thought maybe he is right about not living with the BF, but then after he commented on what he thought about the rest of my life..No work ethics, never going to make any money...I'm too old to start doing anything good...my life will never change because I am too weak...and on and on I allowed him to beat my self esteem right into the toilet. How come I cannot live and feel what I know about people like this. That THEY really hate themselves and need to make you feel bad to make themselves look better?? How come it doesn't work with my family? I don't hate him, quite the opposite I love him very much and want to please him. This is a problem. Anyone else have these issues with family? any suggestions?
Just to let you know, my father got really into religion a few years ago and I did have to stay completely away from him for a year or two until he came back around and it really devastated me. I felt lost without my parents in my life at all. He told me I was going to hell though and that was the final straw. I knew he was very sick minded at the time and I had better stay away for awhile. But now he somewhat back to normal. Tonight's conversation really is bothering me though. Any suggestions? With as emotional as I have been feeling and all the self help work I have been doing It has set me back. I allowed him to steel my happiness away for today. Any thoughts on this would be great. So glad I have this site to vent through.
I was doing pretty well today until talking with my dad just a few minutes ago. You have to know that my dad was always my favorite. He liked to do things..i.e. skiing, wood cutting, golf, biking, diving..etc. He is very active and I always enjoyed that. He used to be very passive also. He never yelled and played with us as kids. But then he was also mostly non existent as he stayed away working a lot when we were young. He never showed his feelings either. He is one who is very happy on his own. He can treat my mother like crap by ignoring her and never caring much about what makes her happy.
Anyway, as I was saying I just got off the phone with him. He basically told me that he see's no changes in me and because I won't move out on my own and be alone for a while he thinks I am a loser and have nothing good going on. He already hates my BF and has only talked with him one time for about an hour at a family function, so it was surface stuff. He is so judgmental that it makes me sick. I love him dearly though and tried to get him to say one positive thing about me and he just could not do it. How heartbreaking is that? No wonder I have such issues with men. My own father thinks so little of me it is a wonder I care about myself at all!! But my question is why do I care what he thinks? How can I love him and participate with him without letting him get to me? At first I thought maybe he is right about not living with the BF, but then after he commented on what he thought about the rest of my life..No work ethics, never going to make any money...I'm too old to start doing anything good...my life will never change because I am too weak...and on and on I allowed him to beat my self esteem right into the toilet. How come I cannot live and feel what I know about people like this. That THEY really hate themselves and need to make you feel bad to make themselves look better?? How come it doesn't work with my family? I don't hate him, quite the opposite I love him very much and want to please him. This is a problem. Anyone else have these issues with family? any suggestions?
Just to let you know, my father got really into religion a few years ago and I did have to stay completely away from him for a year or two until he came back around and it really devastated me. I felt lost without my parents in my life at all. He told me I was going to hell though and that was the final straw. I knew he was very sick minded at the time and I had better stay away for awhile. But now he somewhat back to normal. Tonight's conversation really is bothering me though. Any suggestions? With as emotional as I have been feeling and all the self help work I have been doing It has set me back. I allowed him to steel my happiness away for today. Any thoughts on this would be great. So glad I have this site to vent through.
"How come I cannot live and feel what I know about people like this. That THEY really hate themselves and need to make you feel bad to make themselves look better??"
I think you nailed that one on the head, Shani.
xo
The words they say are more about themselves and not about us. Even if he is right about your boyfriend, you still need to be the one to make that choice. And you will be able to do that with complete clarity when the time is right. Until then, you are the only one who knows what it is like to be in your shoes and therefore you get to call the shots..
And about the long list of criticisms..my dad told me I was mad to have sold my big 4 bedroom property with lots of land and bought this tiny place which is about a third of the size and referred to this house as a "toilet"..While I had really good sound financial and other reasons for downsizing, it bothered me hugely. It was finally dispelled recently when I was looking at buying that beach house and took a good hard look at my current place. I realised it is perfect for my needs and I went around the house expressing gratitude for each thing I loved about it. I still do it whenever I catch myself being critical about it. Feel strong about the choices you have made to bring you to where you are currently. If in the process of thinking about those choices you realise some of them aren't working for you, then make a change, but on your terms and in your own time...