Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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shani96 10/13/2013

I had an affair and it screwed with my mind. It was very unhealthy from the start. I was so unhappy in my marriage that I ran to the first man I could attract. And I was so blind to my addiction. Just today 3 weeks after it ended, I found out that he was not being honest and was seeing someone else at the same time. This new information has opened my eyes to my addiction. I was refusing to see it for what it was. I thought it was love and that I had done something wrong to make him not like me or that I was'nt lovable or on and on all about me. When I found out today how messed up he is it made me sad to think that I could not see him for who he really is. I was attracted to a man who would never make me happy and I could not see it. Actually I FELT it and could have seen it had it not been for my strong denial. I was refusing to look at all the clues. EVERYONE else could see it and was telling me that it sounded like he was seeing someone else and STILL I refused to see it until today when I got the information first hand. I learned today how strong my addiction is. Now I can get back to the real issues with my 16 year marriage that I was unhappy in. I guess these are my first baby steps to recovery. I sure hope so. Hope is all I have right now. The one thing I did am I am soooo glad that I did and held strong was the no contact. I was able to literally hand on with every breath I had to not contact him the last 3 weeks and now with this new information I feel like I finally did something healthy for myself. It was horrible, I thought I was going to die the first week, but I did not and here I am a little bit stronger because of it.

deleted_user 10/13/2013

Hi Shani,

I received a great piece of advise today and that is... with anything it happens in steps, in small pieces and for us our healing will take place in small pieces as well. I wish that mine would just come in one whole piece but that has not been the case so far. Now, I am taking it one small piece at a time and trying to be thankful for it. I can only imagine how hurt you feel with this new awareness but at least the small piece is that now you are thankful that you ended it when you did. Keep going, it just a little bit farther till we get the next piece.

Hollie

deleted_user 10/13/2013

Mine was separated, but not divorced. He used me until something better came along. He told me he was just having fun, he was married for 2 1/2 years, with her for 15 before that, two kids. The A literally ruined my self esteem, I went into a depression, almost destroyed my marriage to a good man. I know your pain, it's been almost 3 months since I had any contact. He ended it and immediately started dating someone else, I found out via Facebook.

deleted_user 10/14/2013

Sorry to hear this! We really need to stick together during these tough times! Dave Ramsey says "How would you eat an elephant?" "One piece at a time". Does your husband know about the affair? You have to ask yourself if you were that unhappy in your marriage, maybe it's time to end that and move on completely??? For yourself? I don't know, I'm twice divorced because I knew when I got to the point, I couldn't stand them and I was off looking for other attention, there was no going back.

shani96 10/14/2013

I know. Now is the hard part. Really deciding to go back or not. No my husband does not know about the affair. He wants me to come home. I'm not ready to make any decisions yet. I'm still wrapped up in this stupid affair. I'm angry now. I think to myself how could I have chosen someone who would cheat on me?? Then I think NO he's just got problems just like me and everyone else. I want to still care about him and e-mail him about how I still care about him and hope he can streighten his life out. I want to "fix" him. I know this is sick thinking. I think I'm obsessing about him again because I got new information about the relationship and it sent me backwards a little bit. I'm writing to you guys so that I don't write to him. I think this is what I am suppose to do. Something healthy for me.

deleted_user 10/14/2013

Be strong Shani. You can do it.

deleted_user 10/14/2013

I know how you feel, you really need to completely detach from it and not seek out any information, it just keeps you stuck. It's been over 2 months of NC for me and I'm still feeling the rejection and having obsessive thoughts.

deleted_user 10/17/2013

Finding out information about them is just torture. I've gone so far as to ask my friends not to tell me even if they hear anything about my ex because I don't really want to know....Luckily he lives in Georgia and I'm in Michigan, but he's here for two weeks visiting his family right now and I can't lie, his mom lives on a main road in my town a mile from my house and did see his truck there...on purpose this morning, BUT I did not answer his call yesterday or texts when he got to town and I'm going to avoid going that way as much as i can even though my kids dad lives three houses away so it's difficult to avoid, but I don't have to LOOK ;-)

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