Solo60, I so can empathize with your feelings of hurt, anger and resentment. Yes, it does effect every aspect of your life which is way it is so critical for diligence in self care. You are right, he isn't God but he has to be charming and cunning to catch his next prey. They are emotional vampires and need victims to feed themselves. I am not sure that I agree with the idea that you are being punished. I have to believe that we were saved from those relationships for a greater purpose. This is my opportunity to experience life on my terms and I am loving it. I know you will get here too. Hugz to you!!!

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

Hugs to you solo.....((((( SOLO )))))))) xxx

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband of 26 years has told me he doesn't love me. Well after 26 years you'd think he could have told me sooner, I am 48. I was so sick with this news I couldn't eat and dropped 25 pounds in a month and a half. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I am in counseling and on some meds that help me function. I think you should seek some therapy as it has already helped me immensely. I too do not want to be alone the rest of my life, and I need to take care of me for a change - have put his needs and kids needs ahead of mine for 20 plus years. I am taking some classes and exercising and trying to find my way in the world. I thank god for my sister, friends and my job that are helping me deal with this.
Hugs to you!

Solo,

I was diagnoised with diverticiltius at a very young age (for that disease) in my 30's. I had an attack about once a year for 10 years. 3 times I was in the hosptial on IV anti-biotics, but once I learned the signs, I learned to stop eating completely and start taking anti-bioctics immediately (have an MD father helps with these tricks lol) and I could self manage.

After the break up I had ********3********** attacks in 6 weeks and had to have major surgery where my entire sigmoid colon was removed.

I have ZERO doubt it was all completely related to that break up. That is how critically they affect us.

You must be stunned to hear about the marriage. Yet another sucker punch to the gut. I bet she has a lot of money and he wanted to zone on her before he dropped the mask. Poor thing. I feel really sorry for all the new victims because since pathology does not change, we all know what is in store for them.

Solo I feel just like you. I am 49 almost 50. Lately I have been crying daily. Today I started moving shirts in my closet to match colors becuase I was trying to find a jacket and I started to cry becuase I felt desperate and I realized that I was trying to have SOME kind of control over my life and I KNEW that what I was doing wasn't going to put me in any kind of control. It was all so fruitless. I felt so alone. I ask God for guidance to find the right path. I have had to deal with my spouse whom I am trying to get a divorce from the last week and I would ponder that this is why I am so emotional, fearful and feeling very vulnerable lately - Thanks Susy you connected the dots for me on that one.

Solo you wrote the following: "My brain is telling me "it can only effect you if you LET it effect you".....I'm angry at myself...I'm angry at him....I'm angry at the Almighty. I didn't deserve this punishment especially now at 60+ years. If it was a life lesson I needed to learn why didn't he send it to me when I was twenty something? But then again maybe He did send it to me at 20 30..40... 50...Maybe I was just too stupid to pay any attention so He had to clobber me with it up-side the head at 60 and He sent the best NPD person He could find to do it. OK, God. Consider me educated. Could we move on now? Ok there aren't any normal men left in the World. Ok, I'll spend the rest of my life alone. Ok, I won't expect anything from a man. Ok, they aren't capable of loving as deeply as I love. Ok I'll get a dog instead. You win."

I could have written these exact same words, except relplace 60 with50. And through reading these posts I also realize that I actually "caused" him to leave and literally asked him to leave over and over becuase I couldn't take the cold hearted and then projected anger anymore. But now I am dealing with it in trying to get the divorce done. I am feeling EXACTLY like you do in regard to there not being any normal men left, that they can't love me the way I deserve and want to be loved. I already have a dog and now realize that only I can make me feel loved and safe now. That is MY biggest problem. I never feel SAFE anymore. It isn't real, it isn't like I'm going to die, but that is how I feel. I need to do things to make myself feel safe and I'm not always feeling capable of doing this. Just so you know, you and I are in the same boat and by the way...my decietful, hateful, sick husband has been having an affair with a 37 year old flight attendant and he can't wait to tell me how much he loves her more than me.

Yes, Susy, I was stunned even though I sort of saw the signs that he was moving in that direction. I don't think she has money...she holds down three part time jobs...but she has a home...older and in need of repairs, which I'm sure he's promised her he'd do and which he won't ever really get around to....I know his behaviors and his patterns of behavior became pretty predictable after awhile.I know that he has a deathly fear of being alone. Let's say that I'm pretty sure he'd do anything to avoid it, even marry someone. Of course whoever he marries would have to benefit his career goals somehow and I think I've got that figured out too. The person he married is involved with this new church he's adopted and he's trying to weasel his way into some position of importance. Mind you he doesn't believe in God but lacking the opportunity to shine on a theater stage he'll settle for a church pulpit. Anything for adulation...Another thing I sense...the NPD truly is getting worse with age. He must really be running scared.

Solo, there for the grace of God goes you my friend. When you think the almighty is not being kind to you, remember that you got away with your pride, dignity and finances in tact. She will not have the same end to this story.

I know you are right, Susy. Bless you for your words. Bless you for being here for all of us. Something happened to me today....a revelation of sorts. It is not the man himself that I miss. He was and is totally wrong for me. It is being alone that is so hurtful. He filled a space. That is all. Not very well but he filled it. I am not good at being alone. Actually I have always had SOME man in my life. They may not have been the RIGHT man but there has always been someone in that space. Maybe there will be again someday but the more important thing is that I have learned the type of person who will NEVER EVER BE NEXT TO ME AGAIN.