Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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/ Women who Love too Much Support Group

Don't know what to do anymore

unk2204
unk2204

Hey ladies, I am new here but I am offically overwhelmed and confused on what to do.   I am married to a man who is so indecisive about what he wants.  Often times I walk on eggshells just to avoid any argument or I simply walk away or act as if I don't care.   I have never been so drawn into myself.  He wants to fight over the dumbest things too... Many hurtful words have been said and I am desperately been trying to save our marriage...


At one point he told me he didn't want to be married to me and that he only married me because he hurt me so long ago.   He has also turned around and said he wouldn't be here if he wasn't trying to make it work...   I feel like he is toying with my emotions trying to make me crazy or snap!  Any time we argue it seems to be him who starts it but then he turns it on me and then eventually says yes everything is all his fault... always his fault.   He was really the only one trying to argue over something stupid...  Or he would come back and say he was joking and obviously he can't joke with me anymore.   I never saw a smile or a laugh... Am I losing my mind or is this emotional abuse.   Why does he always act like he is the victim in every fight... and he acts like marriage is supposed to be easy.   It's hard to explain without writing out a huge article.  


I've given up so much and I wasn't even the one who wanted to get married in the first place and now I feel like I am the only one really trying to make it work.   


kavetraNTN
kavetraNTN
He is a narcissist and you are in a very emotionally abusive marriage. Start educating yourself on emotional abuse,codependency, trauma bonds, narcissism and narcissistic abuse. Seems like my situation exactly until I educated my self on these things and finally had the strength to leave.
shasha81
shasha81
your husband sounds like my soon to be ex husband. These type of men never take blame for what they do they always find a reason to blame you or bring the argument back to you. This is unhealthy take it from me 3 nervous break downs later. He is not treating you like you are treating him with respect, I know it might seem like your in this by yourself, but your not. You are worthy of good love not love that makes you think negatively about yourself. I agree with KavetraNTN this is an emotionally abusive relationship. The only one who is truly hurting is you. I would never tell you to leave but focus on yourself and making yourself happy this will start the healing process. Remember you are important even if he makes you think your not.
yougospam
yougospam
Like mentioned above, he is a narcissist! I was married to one for over 18 years had 4 kids with him. I too was so drawn into myself, nothing mattered anymore. It took me a long time to divorce him but it was so freeing when I finally did. It was one of the hardest things I ever did but I have not regretted that decision once and that was in 2003! I tried everything to make it work not knowing I was dealing with a kind of mental illness., I didn't even know what that word meant. You will never win, you may always walk on egg shells so you need to decide if that is how you want to spend your married life.

I am not one to push divorce but it was the right decision for me and my children. To this day, he is the same and still tries to control me and our kids. Even tho they are adults, they still deal with his bullying ways. I do on occasion but it sure is nice knowing I don't have to live or see him 24/7. So glad to be out of that relationship.

Good luck, it's a tough place to be in. Narcissists will not change as most of them don't realize they are the problem!!!
yougospam
yougospam
ps: This is one trick I used near the end of our marriage. I knew it wasn't worth defending myself so when he started to pick a fight I backed off and said:
"you're right" and walked away. They don't know how to deal with that and it takes the wind right out of their sails and I thought of it as a small win for me. It was amazing to be the one to walk away and leave them wondering what the heck just happened.
It might help a little as you decide what you are going to do. Hugs!