it's hard to say sunny. i have a very very long history with dissociation and ptsd as you know. dissociation is a feeling of feeling unreal. i used to describe it as a sort of deja vu feeling but ongoing. not in your body. people can lose time with dissociation. the confusion and disorientation you describe sounds a lot like dissociation. there is a difference between a flashback and dissociation so i'm wondering if this was a flashback for you??


sort of like a body memory where your body just reacts out of sheer terror.

what did you do, how did you react? i can talk to you more about this...and describe it better. let me get a book out.

when this happens sunny it's scary. so if it happens again... try to make yourself feel really safe. go to your own room nd wrap yourself up in a blanket and lock your door. go through your senses and try to get anchored back in reality. safety is key for coming out of these situations. dissociation is basically severe anxiety. i typically go to dissociation over panic attacks. it's a way of avoidance of something very highly stressful....

what was happening at the time?? were you there at the start?? when ddi you leave?? was there something he said or a way he moved or a way he put pressure on your body or see if you can figure out the trigger and what you were thinking in that state... any further info you can give will help you identify what happened.

big huge hugs. you are safe now.... please be EXTRA gentle with yourself b/c hating this and fearing this only makes dissociation worse.

Sunny,
I am not very familiar with the concept, but it sounds scary. Big hug to you. Take Care.

sunny, i have lots of books about this but what we're looking to describe for you is derealization or depersonalization. in my own words, it feels like the world is unreal or slow or dreamy. it feels like i'm not in my body however i do not identify with the descriptions mostpeope use when talking about trauma which is the feeling of watching yourself from the ceiling or from a distance. i just don't really feel my body or heat or cold. i am aware that my body is moving and talking and functioning but it doesn't feel like i'm in it.

when we lose time we are dissociated.

these groups of disorders are always related to extreme stress at one time or constantly. i promise you taking medications for anxiety even with side effects is better than struggling with depersonalization on a long term basis. it is EXTREMELY frustrating!!!!!!

here is what i thought was a good basic article on it..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

OK thanks Finn.

Maybe I am living my life in the numb state and suddenly reality kicked in?!

I didn't mean Quantum Leopard - silly spell check but quite funny. If anyone remembers the series Quantum Leap they will understand what I mean!

I think I play a role quite often, to cope with the reality of just general life. For instance if I had a sales job I would act out being a sales person, dressing, talking, maybe smoking too ( even though I don't smoke.)

I am working on being authentic and true to who I am but its a struggle as I keep trying to find a role which fits me. But of course I won't find one….!

I am wondering about my sense of smell too, I have very little but about a month ago my H was sucking a cough lozenge and this triggered me, I think it must have been the smell. So is it possible that I have stopped my sense of smell due to the trauma associated with it?!

I find the challenges of how the mind works fascinating but living with it is a strange mixture of fascination and fear!

I read the article and can relate to most of it.

Particularly this bit:
'The detachment of derealization can be described as an immaterial substance that separates a person from the outside world, such as a sensory fog, pane of glass, or veil'

and this bit:
'Frequently, derealization occurs in the context of constant worrying or 'intrusive thoughts' that one finds hard to switch off.'

I do feel like I am in a fog. or a bubble.
I noticed it also stated something about Labyrinthitus which I also suffer from, or have started to recently. Its a balance disorder, it can be physical or brought on by trauma and stress.

interesting.

well sunny. the more we suppress our anxiety and trauma the louder it speaks to us. if it is getting worse i would caution you to listen and do whatever you can to deal with it NOW b/c getting stuck with problematic side effects has basically ruined my life. i got a chronic illness i wasted so much time i never had kids the quality of my life is greatly diminished forever b/c i did not heed these warnings myself....

ok, thanks Finn.

I mean that, thank you.
xxx

ok here's the thing. i was totally in your business and assuming that what has happened to me based on choices i made is going to happen to you. i'm sorry.

i need to speak from my own experience.

i just got scared for you.

Its ok finn. Really. Xxxx