Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Well I had just gone back to school to finish my degree.
After slogging my self to death with this course with a view to me having the qualifications to get a job earning enough to support myself….I found out today that I am not eligible for funding.
The Uni had been notified by the finance department but hadn't told me!
So I have to pull out as I can't fund it myself.
Im so cross and disappointed.
Now Im feeling scared about the future and what will be expected of me now?
Will He expect me to get a job? and if I do will he cheat on me like he did his last wives?
Doing my degree gave me a focus every day, it gave me a reason for being in my studio.
How am I going to justify my existence here now?!!!
Im thrown.
Gawd.
After slogging my self to death with this course with a view to me having the qualifications to get a job earning enough to support myself….I found out today that I am not eligible for funding.
The Uni had been notified by the finance department but hadn't told me!
So I have to pull out as I can't fund it myself.
Im so cross and disappointed.
Now Im feeling scared about the future and what will be expected of me now?
Will He expect me to get a job? and if I do will he cheat on me like he did his last wives?
Doing my degree gave me a focus every day, it gave me a reason for being in my studio.
How am I going to justify my existence here now?!!!
Im thrown.
Gawd.
what does you working have to do with him cheating or not??
i can hear that you are thrown....just breathe. probably there is some plan and everyitngn happens for a reason. not today but something will be sorted out b/c of this.....
working may be very empowering for you????
be patient, cheerlead yourself......while you process your disappointment, arghhhh!!! i'm sorry to hear!! dang it!!
don't give up if you can help it!!!!! if there is any way you can work part time and go to school part time. or can he pay for school?
it aint over til the fat lady sings.....
The working/cheating thing. Well if I am not around for him to 'play with' then he will find someone else to amuse him. He told me so and Its happened with all his exes. He is semi-retired now so free during the daytime and works some evenings and weekends, so he needs a companion who is available to suit him. One of the reasons I suspected he sold my car while I was out one day! ….to keep me home!
No the cost for a year is £9000.00 here in UK and I can't find that. I wouldn't even earn that. The way it works in the UK is you add all your study funding up and then when you earn over £22k a year they take a little bit from your salary to pay it off - takes forever but it doesn't bother me, I just love to study.
There might be other courses I can do….
i'm sorry sunny. i am feeling judgmental of that b/c it's bullshit and that makes me so angry on your behalf. not that you asked me to. i would never stand for that.
that's your out though right there if you want one.
go to work, let him cheat and then leave him......you are worth more than that......i'm sorry i know this is probably not helpful......so wrong. really really wrong. if one day you get separation from that behavior and see it how i can see it you will not even believe you are allowing that in your life......one day sunny i look forward to that day when you hold yourself in high regard.....
Im trying not to focus on his nonsense these days and just focus on me.
Im trying to actually hear the words he says not the meaning I attribute to them.
When he sold my car he said, we will see how we get on sharing one car and we can get you a better one if you need it. I went along with that as I don't work, well I work for him. I would have just fixed it up and kept it. I miss my car and the freedom it gave me.
I know if I was single the funding would be available and I could finish my degree then, I will always have that so it might be better to leave that option open for me. as a single person and student you get funding and social support to live on.
so.
I am trying not to think of everything in terms of him being the big bad wolf and the cause of all my woes but stay in the present reality and try and see it for what it is. I know I probably sometimes don't do that.
thats gas lighting right there, right!!!
I just can't deal with that right now, I am trying to focus on my work with my therapist. I don't know but I feel when I have more clarity I will address it then., or talk about it with my therapist. The way I feel about him cheating and how it holds me back is one of the main issues I need to work on.
Personally I flip from, yeh if he cheats then theres my out, then back to not being able to face the thought of the pain if he did cheat. So with work I hope to stick with the first thought.
He says he won't fund my degree as he thinks its pointless anyway!