Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Denial is the first rule in the game of dishonesty.
There are two forms of denial - internal and external. Here’s how they play out.
YOU: You’ve seen the clues. Warning bells are going off left and right. Red flags are all over the place. You don’t have “hard proof” of an affair. But something isn’t adding up and so you finally confront them.
THEY: Deny everything (external denial). They have an excuse (or alibi) for everything. They argue and rationalize a “reason” for every one of your suspicions. They may even go so far as to tell you, “It’s all in your head.” Or accuse you of being "paranoid", "insecure", or “crazy”.
THEY: Point out other situations/things you have overacted to in the past or state you’ve always been prone to jealousy. This kind of denial (emotional, reactive and heated) is often just another red flag.
Why? Because this is one of the most common “defense” tactics a cheating spouse will use to make their partner back off, back down or even feel guilty for insinuating they’re doing something wrong.
And if the tactic works…YOU go into the second type of denial (internal).
YOU: Doubt yourself. You question your sanity. Maybe it IS all in your head. Of course he had a 5-hour dinner meeting on Thanksgiving. You convince yourself your husband is not cheating with another woman. YOU tell yourself it’s your fault and concede…maybe you are overreacting.
When it comes to infidelity...
YOU CAN BOTH GET CAUGHT IN THE GAME OF DENIAL
What is denial? It’s an "automatic" (i.e. unconscious) mental tactic employed to protect or defend us from the "threat" of some emotional pain.
CLASSIC FORMS OF DENIAL
Don’t ask/Don’t tell: aka - Burying your head in the sand or turning a blind eye. This is where internal denial helps protect us from the pain of confronting a loved one’s betrayal caused by an extra marital affair.
Rationalization: You spend time trying to convince yourself YOUR partner would never have an affair (they are a “good” person, stand up citizen, etc.).
Excuse Making: They spend a lot of time explaining why they aren’t having an affair (often coming with outrageous alibis).
Highly Selective Memory: When asked specifics like, “Who was that on the phone?” a husband or wife who is having a love affair or cheating...may play dumb. Or when asked to account for specific time away from home, they are oblivious or "act like" they don't remember.
Been there, done that! For the last two months actually! I still do not realize how cruel is the truth in this case.
There are two forms of denial - internal and external. Here’s how they play out.
YOU: You’ve seen the clues. Warning bells are going off left and right. Red flags are all over the place. You don’t have “hard proof” of an affair. But something isn’t adding up and so you finally confront them.
THEY: Deny everything (external denial). They have an excuse (or alibi) for everything. They argue and rationalize a “reason” for every one of your suspicions. They may even go so far as to tell you, “It’s all in your head.” Or accuse you of being "paranoid", "insecure", or “crazy”.
THEY: Point out other situations/things you have overacted to in the past or state you’ve always been prone to jealousy. This kind of denial (emotional, reactive and heated) is often just another red flag.
Why? Because this is one of the most common “defense” tactics a cheating spouse will use to make their partner back off, back down or even feel guilty for insinuating they’re doing something wrong.
And if the tactic works…YOU go into the second type of denial (internal).
YOU: Doubt yourself. You question your sanity. Maybe it IS all in your head. Of course he had a 5-hour dinner meeting on Thanksgiving. You convince yourself your husband is not cheating with another woman. YOU tell yourself it’s your fault and concede…maybe you are overreacting.
When it comes to infidelity...
YOU CAN BOTH GET CAUGHT IN THE GAME OF DENIAL
What is denial? It’s an "automatic" (i.e. unconscious) mental tactic employed to protect or defend us from the "threat" of some emotional pain.
CLASSIC FORMS OF DENIAL
Don’t ask/Don’t tell: aka - Burying your head in the sand or turning a blind eye. This is where internal denial helps protect us from the pain of confronting a loved one’s betrayal caused by an extra marital affair.
Rationalization: You spend time trying to convince yourself YOUR partner would never have an affair (they are a “good” person, stand up citizen, etc.).
Excuse Making: They spend a lot of time explaining why they aren’t having an affair (often coming with outrageous alibis).
Highly Selective Memory: When asked specifics like, “Who was that on the phone?” a husband or wife who is having a love affair or cheating...may play dumb. Or when asked to account for specific time away from home, they are oblivious or "act like" they don't remember.
Been there, done that! For the last two months actually! I still do not realize how cruel is the truth in this case.
8 flags actually
Being in denial is one thing but when you know the truth and does nothing...that's the real problem