Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hello ladies,
It’s been a while since I’ve commented/written a post. Quick update; it has been 3 months since I last spoke to my ex. Every day that passes it gets easier and I think less and less about him. I do have moments when I miss him and want to reach out. However the urge is never strong enough to actually do it; plus I’ve made it this far. I don’t want to lose the progress I have made. I am not focusing on dating but I am not rejecting the idea of it either. I have met a couple guys but they haven’t amounted to anything.
I met a nice guy at work. We have been texting… not talking but texting; which kinda bothers me; for a couple weeks now. We went out on a date on Friday. It was nice, we met at a local bar/restaurant and talked for a couple hours and called it an early night. We both had things to do early the next morning. He text me the next morning thanking me and said he had a great time. In my opinion the date went well, we got to know each other, nothing inappropriate happened and we ended the date on good terms. I haven’t had a “normal” first date in so long I don’t know what to expect or what’s acceptable, because the last time I had a first date was 2 years ago with my ex. I believe men like this do thing a little different; talking about living together and marriage on the first or second date. I completely doubt myself wondering if I did something or said something that turned him off. I just have no faith and feel like no matter what I am going to fail.
It’s been a while since I’ve commented/written a post. Quick update; it has been 3 months since I last spoke to my ex. Every day that passes it gets easier and I think less and less about him. I do have moments when I miss him and want to reach out. However the urge is never strong enough to actually do it; plus I’ve made it this far. I don’t want to lose the progress I have made. I am not focusing on dating but I am not rejecting the idea of it either. I have met a couple guys but they haven’t amounted to anything.
I met a nice guy at work. We have been texting… not talking but texting; which kinda bothers me; for a couple weeks now. We went out on a date on Friday. It was nice, we met at a local bar/restaurant and talked for a couple hours and called it an early night. We both had things to do early the next morning. He text me the next morning thanking me and said he had a great time. In my opinion the date went well, we got to know each other, nothing inappropriate happened and we ended the date on good terms. I haven’t had a “normal” first date in so long I don’t know what to expect or what’s acceptable, because the last time I had a first date was 2 years ago with my ex. I believe men like this do thing a little different; talking about living together and marriage on the first or second date. I completely doubt myself wondering if I did something or said something that turned him off. I just have no faith and feel like no matter what I am going to fail.
so much of this process is learning how to trust in ourselves. that at any time we can choose differently. that we will not fail and fall and we can stop ourselves from going all the way back to that awful place we never want to go again. you haven't failed with this guy so far.... just go slowly and take one date and one interaction at a time. if you decide later that he's like the rest of them then you can leave. you can protect yourself now. we are adults now we don't ever have to feel like exposed defenseless victims of childhood again. we can stand up for ourselves now.
work on trusting yourself and you will begin to believe that you got this. you've got your back this time. you won't let it happen again. you won't fail unless you just allow him to decide everything for you. take your strength and be fierce. this is an opportunity to practice protecting yourself. you're already so brave...look at you going with it!!!! open to it......
you are in charge.......if something feels funny to you come here and check it out with us and we will tell you the truth. you are not alone unless you choose to be.....
I like what finn said: go slow with this new date and take it one day at a time. Keep us updated, we can help you see things from other perspectives. And yes, work on asking yourself: what do I feel about this man? Am I sensing red flags? Why or why not? Try to trust in what you feel and perceive.
Keep safe, keep cautious. You are worth the caution! But you are doing great so far.
unfortunately this is a process and maybe trial and error and you are not "fixed" and promised never to make those choices again. all we can do is make the best choices and STICK to our bottom lines of what we will not accept.....we do this by practicing in every relationship we're in......
try to cheerlead yourself. don't tell yourself you're doomed or you will be doomed. i really think if you bring it back to a day at a time you will be relieved of some of the pressure you are putting on yourself to get it right...
you could do some things outside of your relationships with men to learn to trust yourself...like make a commitment and stick to your word. do what you say you will do. set a boundary with someone. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. be there for yourself.....some examples.....it's not just with men that we don't trust ourselves....for me the goal is to know that if i get in a tricky situation i will make the choices in my best interest to protect myself like i can as an adult now......