Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I am finding that as time goes by, my brain is struggling to keep telling me lots of BS. It tells me "oh there is the car he drives" or "hey wasnt that relationship just the most exciting thing you have had in a long time" or "he never really broke it off, he just was being honest by saying that he wanted to date other women".. and I find myself constantly trying to defend my position of self worth with my own self!! Why do I want to keep myself in pain?? I think the answer is that that is all my brain has known for many many years because I always gave in and it will take a strong fight and time to change this thinking. I don't think any self help books or classes or therapist or writing will do although when we are ready they can be of great help. I think we know the answers within each of us but we just are not strong enough yet to make the change. We will do what we need to do when we are ready. For me I was finally given a gift of being forced to be on my own. If I can stay strong and make use of the gift I may just get the change I have always desired. What are some of your thoughts?
I recall being fearful to the point of jumping into bushes when I walked down the street and saw a red car. My ex husband drove a red car and my fear was spurred from suffering PTSD due to my relationship with him. I attended many counselling sessions to deal with my fears as well as my Stockholm Syndrome, which was the unhealthy thinking that drew me back to the relationship repeatedly. I can now differentiate between the thoughts that are healthy for me to have and the thoughts that were part of my addiction to unhealthy relationships.
Tell those thoughts to go to hell (joking)...I understand just what you mean---as soon as you make a choice you mind talks you out of it...then you change and your mind tells you your first choice was better. Self-help books serve there purpose but I have noticed that if I am having that self-help book over load I just leave it alone. Then I just read fiction to cleanse my palette. Norwood also states that if you leave before you are ready you will return to the relationship or just find another unhealthy one. That ready to leave will be different for all of us. I am not ready to leave and I admit that with full honesty. But like you life has given me a blessing at times in my life and men have left me alone and now I can say Thank You cause I might not have ever left you alone. I have learned to separate my thoughts from who I am. Sometimes a thought comes all on its own and it never knows peace. You the presence of you, that which is awareness, truth, essence...that which you are that cannot be described in words...although I tried....is peace, is truth, is love. Sometimes you have to call a spade a spade and chose you, choose peace. Next time your mind says maybe he will, maybe we can...say bullshit and move on. Be blessed and you are doing great I can tell by your post that you are getting stronger and gaining more awareness. Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel the more you try to resist these thoughts, more painful they will appear. Welcome those thoughts...like really..sit down and think...invite all the thoughts..try writing them down if you feel fine and share all of them with someone...as you will read them....all the honestly written thoughts...keep doing it for a few days..unless you feel exhausted.
Trust me dear...things will get better with time.....
I know it may appear like a sick advice but see a change in your perception of pain once you do it...