Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
"It is important to realize that when coming out of a relationship with a narcissist our minds are experiencing severe Cognitive Dissonance. Cognitive Dissonance is the difficulty of trying to hold two opposing thoughts or beliefs at the same time. Cigarette smokers are a perfect example of individuals who may experience Cognitive Dissonance. They enjoy their habit, but at the same time, loathe it because they know it’s bad for them, right?
Cognitive Dissonance leads to obsessive thought because we are trying to make sense of a situation that doesn’t make sense. How can I love something that I also hate? How can I be crazy in love with this person, but despise them at the same time?
We remember the wonderful times, the good times and the person we thought we fell in love with and we miss them. We wonder what happened to them. Where did they go? Why did they disappear? What did I do wrong?
We must remember that we did NOTHING wrong nor is there anything anyone can do to bring this person back. The person we fell in love with is not who we thought they were at all. In fact, this person never existed. We fell in love with an illusion. The acting talent these personalities possess is astounding. They are master manipulators.
While we’re remembering this person who no longer seems to exist, we are grappling with a new person we no longer recognize and we don’t know how to feel about them. How can they be good and bad? How can I love them and hate them? Trying to resolve this in our minds is very confusing. Cognitive Dissonance leads to obsessive, intrusive thoughts that impede our ability to concentrate, work, sleep, eat or function.
Obviously, maintaining NO CONTACT is very difficult when we’re in this state of mind. When all we can do is obsess about our ex, it’s near impossible to avoid responding when we hear from them. We’re consumed with trying to figure them out and although we have the knowledge we need to stay away, Cognitive Dissonance keeps us wondering if they’re really all that bad. We want to give them another chance to prove us wrong, to prove that they really are capable of love.
Unfortunately, we learn the hard way that they will never change. Some of us need to learn this lesson more than once. Others can move on more quickly. It is my hope that by understanding why we obsess about them, you will be better able to stay away and move on more quickly"
Cognitive Dissonance leads to obsessive thought because we are trying to make sense of a situation that doesn’t make sense. How can I love something that I also hate? How can I be crazy in love with this person, but despise them at the same time?
We remember the wonderful times, the good times and the person we thought we fell in love with and we miss them. We wonder what happened to them. Where did they go? Why did they disappear? What did I do wrong?
We must remember that we did NOTHING wrong nor is there anything anyone can do to bring this person back. The person we fell in love with is not who we thought they were at all. In fact, this person never existed. We fell in love with an illusion. The acting talent these personalities possess is astounding. They are master manipulators.
While we’re remembering this person who no longer seems to exist, we are grappling with a new person we no longer recognize and we don’t know how to feel about them. How can they be good and bad? How can I love them and hate them? Trying to resolve this in our minds is very confusing. Cognitive Dissonance leads to obsessive, intrusive thoughts that impede our ability to concentrate, work, sleep, eat or function.
Obviously, maintaining NO CONTACT is very difficult when we’re in this state of mind. When all we can do is obsess about our ex, it’s near impossible to avoid responding when we hear from them. We’re consumed with trying to figure them out and although we have the knowledge we need to stay away, Cognitive Dissonance keeps us wondering if they’re really all that bad. We want to give them another chance to prove us wrong, to prove that they really are capable of love.
Unfortunately, we learn the hard way that they will never change. Some of us need to learn this lesson more than once. Others can move on more quickly. It is my hope that by understanding why we obsess about them, you will be better able to stay away and move on more quickly"
nccodamom
I feel like sobbing as I read this.. I wish it would stop! I wish there was a pill I could take to make it go away. I feel like crying for anything anytime. The thought of possibly seeing him, seeing them together. The what did I do wrongs the why wasn't I good enough. And the feelings of being discarded makes it even worse. I feel so empty and needy :(
deleted_user
If anyone discovers this pill that would make me stop thinking about him, I'm ordering 100 packs.
UndercoverAngel
Please do not blame yourself Ncc. These men devalue and discard. Then they go find someone else they can start the cycle over again with. I know it hurts like hell to know he is with someone else. You are good enough!! He is not good enough for you! I promise these feelings of back and forth and craziness will diminish in time. 9 months later I still get a little uneasy feeling in my stomach, but it quickly goes. I had many days where I could not get out of bed for my brain working overtime. All I wanted t do was sleep so I would not have to think. Believe your friends who tell you it was not you. Sure, more than likely we need to work on our self-esteem so we KNOW we are good enough for a real relationship and not crumbs. However - NOTHING you did or you not being good enough had absolutely nothing to do with the way you were treated or discarded. I do not know your story but most of us who end up in this group have similar stories, just change the names and locations. I hope you are maintaining No Contact. This means no talking, texting, facebooking (BLOCK HIM so you can't look), or asking mutual friends about him. The more you know the more you hurt. The less you know the faster you heal. Much Love :-)
Chancenme
This is so true! And the sad thing is he knew it too. He would always say to me that he didn't know where the old him went and he isn't sure he can get him back. He was so wonderful and attentive in the begining. From the day we met we were inseperable until our first breakup 3 months into our relationship, WHO HAS PROBLEMS 3 MONTHS INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIP??!!! That should have been the end. He always knew just what to say to get me back and then just continued to tourture me. I am so angry with myself for letting it continue for as long as it did, for allowing him to disrespect me. I am angry at him for lying to me and wasting my time. I feel bad for the next girl, she has no idea what she is in store for and the pain he will cause her!!
speedy1033
I understand this perfectly. It keeps my life in disarray, The fear of being alone and not full fulling a dream of a happy home haunts me. I dont want to start over and risk another break up. I have put in alot of time and effort with this man...the thought of starting over makes me sick, but on the other hand, at times I think that I could find a new person who will make me happy.....I think I need to make sure I can be happy alone first without another person to "complete me". After all, when a spouse passes away, we are alone and that could happen to anyone.
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