Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
My sister just told me that she emailed him the day after we last saw each other in that stupid parking lot. Where his last words were how he'd think about my proposal to try again.
I don't know why she did it, I'm pretty pissed at her right now but I guess she felt helpless and thought she'd take a shot at trying to help.
She just basically said to him how I cared so much for him and she apologized if she was over-stepping but it's too important. It's a shame that we ended so senselessly.
He replied 8 hours later 'she cared so much that she ended it'
There was some back and forth, she said that I probably ended it out of fear, having been in some crappy relationships - which he knew about. He said 'Listen..everyone goes through some crappy stuff in life, she should have trusted me, she knew from day 1 that trust is big to me. She up and ended it. That to me shows lack of trust, therefore incompatibility'
She responded with something along the lines of how trust is earned, and not in a matter of a few months. etc etc.
He never responded.
That is that. I'm still crying at the realization that this man turned out to be someone I don't even recognize.
I couldn't help but have the initial thought that she should not have emailed him, maybe he just needed time to think, and she interrupted that process with her email. I thought she ruined everything.
BUT...I think he had already made up his mind...weeks ago, and this was the icing on the cake.
I don't know why she did it, I'm pretty pissed at her right now but I guess she felt helpless and thought she'd take a shot at trying to help.
She just basically said to him how I cared so much for him and she apologized if she was over-stepping but it's too important. It's a shame that we ended so senselessly.
He replied 8 hours later 'she cared so much that she ended it'
There was some back and forth, she said that I probably ended it out of fear, having been in some crappy relationships - which he knew about. He said 'Listen..everyone goes through some crappy stuff in life, she should have trusted me, she knew from day 1 that trust is big to me. She up and ended it. That to me shows lack of trust, therefore incompatibility'
She responded with something along the lines of how trust is earned, and not in a matter of a few months. etc etc.
He never responded.
That is that. I'm still crying at the realization that this man turned out to be someone I don't even recognize.
I couldn't help but have the initial thought that she should not have emailed him, maybe he just needed time to think, and she interrupted that process with her email. I thought she ruined everything.
BUT...I think he had already made up his mind...weeks ago, and this was the icing on the cake.
The hard things is that we never really know what someone's intentions were but although it is painful you have to realize that it is not personal. I know that is easy to say and hard to feel. But if you think about it in regards to yourself then it makes more sense. What we do, how we respond, act, behave, is all about our perspective, our needs, wants, desires, and fears. He is no different than anyone else. I am glad you got some closure that you are not still waiting and hoping that he will change his mind and return to you. Although it is painful it is over and you can begin to move forward.
The last time I saw him I brought him breakfast taht I prepared. I humbly asked his forgiveness for breaking up with him and then I proceeded to win his heart back. He said he'd think about it. I knew that he had already made up his mind but I was vulnerable and I had nothing to lose and I laid my heart out to him on a platter.
The very next day my sister told him more of the same...
He stands by his argument that i didn't trust him and that I was too dramatic.
I stand by my argument that I may have reacted out of fear and confusion, he withdrew and became a virtual stranger.
This is what I'm not at peace with - I know his feelings changed, I know he was not in it anymore, for whatever reason - it doesn't matter. the fact that he is blaming me, that my ending it was why it ended, is what is killing me.
Trust issues are then introduced through your sister. Do you have an issue with trust? I trust too much and likely you do too.
My ex had HUGE issues with trust. He was jealous and didn't trust me with anyone NOR anyone with me (ridiculous--as in a guy in a store who he thinks I smiled at). I spent a long time defending myself, explaining and otherwise becoming paranoid. Crazy. In the end, I know that I could not trust him because anyone who says he loves me and five minutes later has turned on me for some imagined crime, cannot be trusted.
In your case, you felt safe...then unsafe. Hence...mistrust or a loss of trust which is hard and sad and very difficult to live with...especially when you are trying to fix it alone. Who needs it?
working on it. I am in therapy now. Doing alot of reading and writing.
I will get better. partly thanks to you guys ♥