Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
These are things I am struggling with. It helps to get them down on "paper". I know I will never have a lot of the answers, but marking it down helps. Please keep in mind I found out most of this after I was in deep. Here are my facts:
*I was pursued heavily through FB while going through my divorce (we dated in HS so we were FB friends). He flew in from where he currently lived 1.5 weeks into us talking
*He lost his job there and moved back here (w/parents) within a few months of us starting
*He pursued me hot and heavy with gifts, calls, etc.
*The charm was overwhelming. I went hook, line, and sinker
*He told me he loved me early on (I ate it up – fresh off a divorce)
*We were together for 3.5 years
*We broke up once (BU was verbatim this time), he cheated twice. Just recently found out about 2nd
*Told me I was not special for sitting at his bedside in ICU for a week. Apparently anyone would have left their child with their mom and lost a weeks wages.
*He has only been in one relationship where he did not cheat - she cheated on him first
*He was married for 4 months, talked to his previous GF A LOT while on honeymoon. They hooked upon his return to town.
*39 years old and never owned a home
*Has no credit
*Loves his mama, but will curse her out in a flat second if she says something wrong or harps on him. The later apologizes
*Has always tried to be good enough for his dad. Still tries.
*Gives, gives, gives in relationships then gets angry when not appreciated. Angry when giving does not result in what he wants or expects
*I gave, gave, gave in our relationship and now I feel like I smothered him
*Sex was amazing
*He is an alcoholic who was hospitalized last year for pancreatitis and heart failure. He no longer drinks liquor (to my knowledge), he does drink beer though. Says he is all better, but neither of these are curable
*Breaks promises
*Lies – not sure how much because he is so good at it
*Loves his dogs, but they are still with me
*Makes elaborate plans that rarely come to fruition (cruises, marriage, work on my house, etc.)
*Has lived with parents for 3.5 years, except for a 6 month break where he lived in a home that was included in his pay (which he never left the house to work for)
*His dog damaged the house and he did nothing about it
*His dogs have damaged my house and yard – I am stuck with it
*Discussed marriage with all ex’s but never went through with it, of course I thought it would be different with me
*I was told he was ready to settle down and have a real family, then he bolted
*Had his son pick out a room in my house on NYE
*Said he loved my daughter but never participated in any family type activities
*Parents told him I was the only one he has ever been with he could count on a future with
*Pines (?) over his music career he could have had. He is an excellent singer.
*Would not consider a job that would make ends meet. Waited until he found THE job and took money from parents until then
*Got 2+ years behind in his child support while waiting for the perfect job
*Now that he has his “dream” job, he considers himself to be the BEST in the business. He also complains about how he could run the company better than management
*Gets ANGRY when his intelligence is insulted
*14 year-old son does not want to talk to him anymore because he is too harsh on him. As of BU last week he had not called son to work it out
*Has a brilliant way of infuriating me then turning on the charm to make it all better
*Furious I will not allow him to just move in – good thing I never did!
*I struggle with what I did that was so wrong.
*Never takes blame – it is always someone else’s problem. For instance – he blamed me for his parents telling him he would be crazy not to marry me.
*He is a good-looking man, but not as good-looking as he sees himself
*He may never try to get me back, but if he does I am going to run like the wind
* I almost feel relieved now that we are over. However, my brain still spins in crazy directions and I feel crazy and sick in the process
I know this is an exhaustive list and a bit random, but it helps me to “get it out” and see the craziness of all of it. I do not mean to sound whiny. I am not a saint and I have more flaws than I care to admit, one of them being the type of woman that attracts these men. Thanks for “listening”.
*I was pursued heavily through FB while going through my divorce (we dated in HS so we were FB friends). He flew in from where he currently lived 1.5 weeks into us talking
*He lost his job there and moved back here (w/parents) within a few months of us starting
*He pursued me hot and heavy with gifts, calls, etc.
*The charm was overwhelming. I went hook, line, and sinker
*He told me he loved me early on (I ate it up – fresh off a divorce)
*We were together for 3.5 years
*We broke up once (BU was verbatim this time), he cheated twice. Just recently found out about 2nd
*Told me I was not special for sitting at his bedside in ICU for a week. Apparently anyone would have left their child with their mom and lost a weeks wages.
*He has only been in one relationship where he did not cheat - she cheated on him first
*He was married for 4 months, talked to his previous GF A LOT while on honeymoon. They hooked upon his return to town.
*39 years old and never owned a home
*Has no credit
*Loves his mama, but will curse her out in a flat second if she says something wrong or harps on him. The later apologizes
*Has always tried to be good enough for his dad. Still tries.
*Gives, gives, gives in relationships then gets angry when not appreciated. Angry when giving does not result in what he wants or expects
*I gave, gave, gave in our relationship and now I feel like I smothered him
*Sex was amazing
*He is an alcoholic who was hospitalized last year for pancreatitis and heart failure. He no longer drinks liquor (to my knowledge), he does drink beer though. Says he is all better, but neither of these are curable
*Breaks promises
*Lies – not sure how much because he is so good at it
*Loves his dogs, but they are still with me
*Makes elaborate plans that rarely come to fruition (cruises, marriage, work on my house, etc.)
*Has lived with parents for 3.5 years, except for a 6 month break where he lived in a home that was included in his pay (which he never left the house to work for)
*His dog damaged the house and he did nothing about it
*His dogs have damaged my house and yard – I am stuck with it
*Discussed marriage with all ex’s but never went through with it, of course I thought it would be different with me
*I was told he was ready to settle down and have a real family, then he bolted
*Had his son pick out a room in my house on NYE
*Said he loved my daughter but never participated in any family type activities
*Parents told him I was the only one he has ever been with he could count on a future with
*Pines (?) over his music career he could have had. He is an excellent singer.
*Would not consider a job that would make ends meet. Waited until he found THE job and took money from parents until then
*Got 2+ years behind in his child support while waiting for the perfect job
*Now that he has his “dream” job, he considers himself to be the BEST in the business. He also complains about how he could run the company better than management
*Gets ANGRY when his intelligence is insulted
*14 year-old son does not want to talk to him anymore because he is too harsh on him. As of BU last week he had not called son to work it out
*Has a brilliant way of infuriating me then turning on the charm to make it all better
*Furious I will not allow him to just move in – good thing I never did!
*I struggle with what I did that was so wrong.
*Never takes blame – it is always someone else’s problem. For instance – he blamed me for his parents telling him he would be crazy not to marry me.
*He is a good-looking man, but not as good-looking as he sees himself
*He may never try to get me back, but if he does I am going to run like the wind
* I almost feel relieved now that we are over. However, my brain still spins in crazy directions and I feel crazy and sick in the process
I know this is an exhaustive list and a bit random, but it helps me to “get it out” and see the craziness of all of it. I do not mean to sound whiny. I am not a saint and I have more flaws than I care to admit, one of them being the type of woman that attracts these men. Thanks for “listening”.
One thing I find since joining this site is that we as women have so many things in common with the partners we choose. I was with a partner for three years, have had no contact since January. Please note that he is 51 years old and lives with his 84 year old grandmother. The term I use for these types of men are "SA" surface attachment. They do not possess the ability to give anything other than that to any relationship. They feel they are far superior to anyone else when in realty in my opinion, they are scared little boys where something went terribly wrong and they never recovered from it or chose to recover from it.
I believe your brain will continue to spin for a while while you begin to digest and process the past with him. Do not worry about sounding whiny - - believe me, it helps all us to understand that we are not alone in this process and isolated.
Good luck in your journey and I wish you the best.
I'm sending prayers your way.