How long since the break up and the last contact? There is no point in even thinking about dating while you are still vulnerable. Vulnerability attracts predators like blood attracks sharks.

RE: I feel still that our connection was so strong that i will never find it with another.

How did that intense connection work out for you? Not too well I am afraid. Intensity is one of the hallmarks of pathology. Next time you feel that intensity you better stand back and take a good look.

My therapist tells me all the time that 2 main issues with WWL2M is fantasy thinking and black and white thinking.

That statement shows black and white thinking. He is not the only man you will ever have a connection with and his particular connection was nothing to look back on fondly. You can take that to the bank.

H7 you are far from stupid!

Its a call only you can make I think. Only you know whether you are healthy and recovered enough to jump into the pool and just need a shove or whether you need to learn to swim a bit stronger before you go anywhere near the pool.

I know SusyP has recommended we don't date for at least a year after?

I take it you are comparing the new blokes unfavourably - there is a lot of stuff that says we are attracted to excitement and 'dangerous' men, we can sometimes find normal nice men a bit dull.

If you do think you are ready then could you maybe try a double date with one of your girlfriends? Less pressure. And maybe if you do go out do something that is going to put the least possible pressure on you. Go do an activity where the concentration isn't so much on each other and being romantic, and something that is fun and that you would enjoy whoever you were with.

Only my suggestions to take or leave

xx

oops, I meant to say in reply to the tile of this post, its more likely that dates AREN'T going to lead to love. Maybe you should be asking - can I have fun and a happy social time with another?

SusyP its been 2 months since last contact and the breakup.I dont think im ready. I think the problem is i feel lonely for what i had. I was used to leaving work and going home to someone now i leave work and feel empty.Karen13 thank you for your support also.

Hi harmony7
I feel the same way, I cant stop comparing him to other men past and present. I am not dating as I dont feel ready. I constantly think about his hair, the way he walked etc. I know he and the relationship was toxic, but I cant help feeling I'll never love again. The thing is we will, it just takes time, I guess we should remember from past experiences. TIme does help.

Like me and 15 coffee meetings later...this last ones feet were to small for his body..

So I dont have very much experience, but I would suggest to just try to heal first. Put XN in your past, dont compare other to him, because you should idolize or use him as an example; there must be reasons he is an ex. I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago and have had contact just recently, I dont want to see him or talk to him anymore (because of his latest BIG lie) but I find it helps when you dont see them or talk to them. Try to take a bit more for yourself away from the "scene" if you feel your not ready.

Thank you all AGAIN for your advice. Being able to relate to others going through same helps alot. This support has been a lifesaver for me. XO

Most people feel that way harmony7 - at least I imagine they do. I thought the same thing being (boo hoo) 37 years old. Things like "Who would want me? I'm getting too old to date." Stupid things like that. Of course only superficial narc jerks like the x care about age. Secure men who want a real connection will date the person who is right for them, even if she is 10 years older.

So yeah, no more black and white thinking. You never know when you will meet someone, just be confident in your boundaries and what you are looking for. A break is good though. On one myself and liking myself more each day.

The break is what is right i think booklizard. Im just not ready to date. I need to heal properly myself before i could begin to have a healthy relationship with anyone else and sometimes dating just complicates things more.Ive dated some real deadbeats in the past and even if you go out with them only once then you have the extra hassle of trying to get rid of them if there is no connection. NO THANKS better off alone.

harmony7, I have a long history of dating narcs and abusers. I am taking this break to heal as well, and to bring myself to a point where I don't think I need a relationship but would welcome one should it appear. I use "appear" because I sure won't be out looking.