Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I really could do without spending right now but I feel like stocking up for a siege or something.
I cant stop buying things.
I have always had an issue with buying clothes as Im always looking for the magic dress or outfit which will make me feel happy. It never does of course. And I get my confidence from looking good.
I just cant stop. When times get tough and my self-esteem is at its lowest I buy stuff. Usually clothes but when I run out of new image ideas I switch to other things, anything really.
I really need to stop.
I have cut up my card and deleted it from my PayPal account.
Any advice. Its like a lifeline I grab onto, new clothes, new me kind of...oh I dont know.
I could slap myself.
When I am on my own I always have control over these things, but once I get tangled up with a guy I need something to give me confidence and I go shopping. So silly, stupid and immature.
I cant stop buying things.
I have always had an issue with buying clothes as Im always looking for the magic dress or outfit which will make me feel happy. It never does of course. And I get my confidence from looking good.
I just cant stop. When times get tough and my self-esteem is at its lowest I buy stuff. Usually clothes but when I run out of new image ideas I switch to other things, anything really.
I really need to stop.
I have cut up my card and deleted it from my PayPal account.
Any advice. Its like a lifeline I grab onto, new clothes, new me kind of...oh I dont know.
I could slap myself.
When I am on my own I always have control over these things, but once I get tangled up with a guy I need something to give me confidence and I go shopping. So silly, stupid and immature.
it's not about clothes or shopping or self esteem. this is about the big hole you have in your soul. you are doing things that are opposite to your own values by staying with this man. you have bad feelings toward yourself because you are jeopardizing your own integrity. you have made the decision to stay and continue on with this behavior so you can expect to need something to do to avoid the psychic pain that you are creating.
i really think it's too much to expect yourself to just stop something that is serving such a big purpose. it's unrealisitc.
what you can try to do is channel that shopping into a healthy outlet. but a whole lot of acceptance and dropping of the denial has to happen first. this is only my opinion based on my own experience with addiction issues.
on the other hand if you threw yourself into healing your codependency you could make progress in relieving yourself of a lot of pain which could diminish the need to shop or eat or smoke or pick fights or whatever you do to avoid.
most of our stuff is about avoidance......that's all........figure out what you are avoiding accepting.......can you radically accept that???? if not do something, make a move. if so then you'll be on your way to comfort.......
like i said this is only my experience. and opinion that you are going against your moral compass by staying with him so you can expect some maladaptive coping behaviors..........
of course you could always try some controlled shopping and see how you do.....allow yourself to buy one item a week or a month depending on where you're starting........ and then try to stick to that. the info that comes out of that will be telling for you......
my house is so full of clutter b/c i've been shopping for books and craft supplies. instead of saving i'm doing the same shopping that you are. i am clear that i am avoiding facing the big gaping hole in my heart......