Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I look at my phone about 845 times a day. I will it to ring. I make up all sorts of fantasies in my head about how he's sitting there, doing the same...thinking I'll be the first to break. I'm certain, on some fckd up level, that he's thiking I'll crack and end up msging him (at least before he leaves for Florida on Saturday). I google mapped the directions from where he's staying in Florida to where I'm staying in florida. It's a 12 minute drive. fantastic. I concoct all these twisted scenarios in my mind about how he knows I'm the one for him, but that he's still stuck in the game of 'she'll call first' and that he can't bring himself to say those words I'm dying to hear because that'll place him at a disadvantage. Why can't i just see that he's just not that into me?
I honestly truly believe that he's suffering on some level...on teh flip side, logic is screaming at me 'he don't give a flyin f*ck about you!'
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has checked every dating site he can think of to see if I'm there. But he won't call.
I know he has driven by my house when it's too late for me to see him. I know he's done a search on my name in facebook. I know I'm becoming more and more of a mystery to him as the days with no contact go by. Yet, he's still not calling.
I have to read back a few journal entries every day, and our last interraction when i laced into him, in order to keep my strength going. I can't say I've had teh urge to contact him, because to be honest, I really have nothing to say to him. But it's so hard not to ACHE for him to reach out to me.
I feel totally deluded.
I honestly truly believe that he's suffering on some level...on teh flip side, logic is screaming at me 'he don't give a flyin f*ck about you!'
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has checked every dating site he can think of to see if I'm there. But he won't call.
I know he has driven by my house when it's too late for me to see him. I know he's done a search on my name in facebook. I know I'm becoming more and more of a mystery to him as the days with no contact go by. Yet, he's still not calling.
I have to read back a few journal entries every day, and our last interraction when i laced into him, in order to keep my strength going. I can't say I've had teh urge to contact him, because to be honest, I really have nothing to say to him. But it's so hard not to ACHE for him to reach out to me.
I feel totally deluded.
seriously, this process is literally one moment at a time.
I have thought about 'him' so much for months and months and months and I have truly lost my purpose. Everything in my life centred around the relationship. Perhaps even before this 'him'. God.
he must have picked up on something.
yuck
I couldn't have said it any better. You took the words right out of my mouth. I did all that even when we were together. Talk about confusing not only for him but for myself. He must have thought I've lost my mind completely.
I read a quote today (as in, at 1:00 this morning when I couldn't sleep) that made me think of you. It goes like this, "God sometimes removes people from your life to protect you. Don't run after them".
For some reason, as simple as that is, it resonates with me.
I have THOUGHT about running after my ex a million times. I still check my phone sometimes and his number is blocked! (If you block him, you won't check it 800 times...more like 8, just a heads up on that. lol)
and when I received that call the other night from a guy with his first name I was sure he must be behind it. And the more I think about it, the more I accept that he would never make an effort like that. He would never bother. And that is why we aren't together. He was self absorbed.
We deserve men in our lives who love us enough to never want us to feel this sense of anxiety. And we need to love ourselves enough to keep repeating that over and over, "I'm better than this, I'm better than this, I'm better than this" and then maybe if we ever have that fateful encounter and we are dumbfounded as we stare into their eyes, we can at least muster up the one thing we tell ourselves everyday, "No more. I'm better than this".
I am blown away.
I'm new here, and going through lots of posts/discussions on here.
Everything you ladies write about I have done or have had done to me.
Everything I'm reading on here is my "normal."
I don't fully understand this whole deal yet,
but I do know that over the years
I felt odd, different.
Breakups to me were/are DEVASTATING.
That word doesn't really even fully describe it.
I'm in a relationship now that is dwindling down to nothing. Again.
I've tried everything I can think of
and nothing works.
I dont have a lot of fight left in me.
It doesn't really even seem worth it anymore....to try to keep propping up this relationship, only to have it eventually collapse again.
The worst part is the thought that keeps crossing my mind.....
forget the past eight years with this guy.........have I truly been doing this my whole life???