Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
First off, I know that he is the problem. But as Dr. Phil says, there is always 2 sides to a pancake. lol
M Hardly showed any interest in my life. I remember thinking even in the beginning how disinterested he seemed about my every day life. He would ask random questions here and there but never was he curious about trivial things liek how many siblings I have or what a typical day at work is for me. My apartment is filled with pictures of my family...not once did he stop and look at any of them and ask who's this or that.
It progressively got worse. Lately, he wouldn't even ask how I am. He'd ask what I'm doing when he'd call, but never would he say 'hey, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?' Never. I woudl have to offer information about stuff that was happening in my life at any given time...I felt so stupid doing it. So pathetic. He woudl then nod and make a comment or 2 but that was it.
There was never a right time to meet my family or spend time with my son...nor did he take it upon himself to invite me to any of his family functions. He talked about it alot 'when you meet so and so...' but it never happened. I met a cousin of his once, his best friend and an uncle, very briefly. It almost felt like I was a secret. All this has been incredibly painful, mainly because he painted such a pretty picture in teh beginning...of how he would take me here and there and how his family would love me, etc etc.
I'm having a really hard time with this. Why wasn't I good enough?
A few times even, I would text him, venting about some crap my son's father pulled and he wouldn't even respond. I started to see a pattern regarding my son. Every time I brought him up somehow, he would hardly acknowledge. I can't wrap my brain around all this.
M Hardly showed any interest in my life. I remember thinking even in the beginning how disinterested he seemed about my every day life. He would ask random questions here and there but never was he curious about trivial things liek how many siblings I have or what a typical day at work is for me. My apartment is filled with pictures of my family...not once did he stop and look at any of them and ask who's this or that.
It progressively got worse. Lately, he wouldn't even ask how I am. He'd ask what I'm doing when he'd call, but never would he say 'hey, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?' Never. I woudl have to offer information about stuff that was happening in my life at any given time...I felt so stupid doing it. So pathetic. He woudl then nod and make a comment or 2 but that was it.
There was never a right time to meet my family or spend time with my son...nor did he take it upon himself to invite me to any of his family functions. He talked about it alot 'when you meet so and so...' but it never happened. I met a cousin of his once, his best friend and an uncle, very briefly. It almost felt like I was a secret. All this has been incredibly painful, mainly because he painted such a pretty picture in teh beginning...of how he would take me here and there and how his family would love me, etc etc.
I'm having a really hard time with this. Why wasn't I good enough?
A few times even, I would text him, venting about some crap my son's father pulled and he wouldn't even respond. I started to see a pattern regarding my son. Every time I brought him up somehow, he would hardly acknowledge. I can't wrap my brain around all this.
You know, there were even times when I'd have some good news and the minute I'd share it with him, he'd be all neutral...like when I booked my flight to Florida, I txtd him all excited..exclamation points all over the place. His response: that's good.
ughhhhhhhh
You are blessed. It is sad. I have a knot in my stomach today and I get the sadness. All we can do is focus inward and get healing and know we are fortunate it wasn't longer.
My body railed against this uncertainty. It was not healthy for me and that is where I have to be logical.
The biggest thing for me right now is to try to minimize the obsessing. I give so much of my day over to worrying, analyzing, wondering, hoping, repeating....time to let go and move forward.
My guy knows it too. He said to me via text two days ago, 'I need to heal.' and I said, 'Yes, you do. That's a good start--acknowledgement.' Then I had to let it go and not offer a plethora of advice, supports, words of wisdom. He has a long way to go and I have to look at my own road map and stop trying to do it for someone else.
xo
Today is a bad day. Today I feel the tears welling up inside me and making their way to the surface. Today I'm hoping he misses me and feels remorse for having hurt me so bad. Today I want him to call. I hate this. Liek you creo, my biggest struggle is fighting the obsession. I spend alot of energy trying to analyze him, everything he said during our last interaction...and essentially, pretty much everything that has gone down during the course of a year. You don't think it was a long period of time? I do. 365 days I waited for things to change...only 2 months in the beginning and about a month after we reunited after our first break-up was I content and completely at ease with him.
I keep asking myself who a guy like him ends up with. surely, these guys change at some point, no? Do they stay alone forever? Or do they find someone who can withstand the pain of being invisable?
My drive to work this morning was excruciating. I litearlly felt pain in my gut and had to talk myself out of sinking deeper.
I want him to call...Oh God I HATE that I want him to call.
I hear you about taking breaks from teh sight. Sometimes i feel like I make myself think too much.
You ladies have helped me tremendously and I'm so grateful to have this support, but I need to get out of my head sometimes.
I went out and bought some fluffy books today. hopefully, I can stop looking at my phone tonight, long enough to get engrossed in one of them.
sigh...no one said it was easy.