Hello! (I'm sure my English is not perfect) I feel similar to you. I practice my english all the time and lately I have been listening to Louis Jay. Every night before I go to sleep I play this link, is really helping a lot. Right now I'm 38 and I have 2 girls 16 and 6. My husband was my only boyfriend and we got married when I was 21 because I was pregnant. 3 years ago we had a fight and finally broke up because it was the 3rd time he bit me up. I was devastated he left me with my 2 girls alone and never call me back. On month ago he showed up again and he told me that he wanted his family back and that he love me so much. I was so happy and I thought that finally all my prayers were answered. After 2 weeks I found out that he was living with a woman and she has a little boy but he is not the father but still the boy call him dad. I was so annoyed and cry like myself to sleep that night. Last weekend I was so sad and desperate because he is not calling again and I'm sure is with her.hing for him. I'm a Latin woman and we had been tough to cook,clean and take care of children I also work and I am a professional woman but if that's not enough for him what can I do. I was checking on internet if someone had a similar situation and I believe is a miracle that I found the book "women who love too much".
Work on your spiritual life because the most important person in your own life is yourself. You an't imagine how sad I was last weekend waiting for a phone call.
here are the links to me they are magical. I am also studying the course in miracles. In English because I want to improve my English.
God bless you. You worth a lot and something good will come into your life you deserved it!!!
here are the links. I also love Dr. Wayne Dyers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ata-vvTYItc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylt4jGtI7ZU
Patri

thank you very much, I wish you all the luck.

HI,

I think we all want the change to come and we want it now. Would you consider taking a little, and then a little more, and then a little more. Take the change that you have no contact, then take good days, then take not thinking about him for two moments. Focus on what you are getting instead of what you have not gotten yet. It helps. Understand?

Thank you Izzy. for your helpful words.

For me it was all about really looking at the relationship. I did not want to believe that I had a part in it. And I did not want to believe that it was not love. It was all so black and white to me. If he does not love me, no one will. If he does not want a relationship with me something must be wrong with me. Why do I always have to suffer and some people live happily ever after...and so on. In reality when I could see it for what it was..a temporary relationship that helped him and I through a difficult time that was never meant to be and he would never have made me happy in the end and although I was indulging in an affair,,,so was he. He controlled me and the relationship was obsessive and needy from the start. When I could see all this then I could move on.

I think our lives are our journey. Yes sometimes we make poor choices, but we did the best we could at that moment in time. We tend to judge our actions from a completely different time and space. You have changed and would maybe enjoy a family NOW but maybe then was not the right time. Maybe his new family is not what it appears to be also. You are looking at it from outside.

For me I always think the grass is greener on the other side. I'm learning that its not. I need to concentrate on me, cuz that is what I was given. You are still young and have a wonderful life ahead of you. As my friend always tells me...there are several BILLION people in the world now, I'm sure there is another wonderful person out there for you. But you will not be able to see them if you are still concentrating on the old relationship. Allow yourself to heal from it so that you can move on. You will get there just have patience.

You surely will get someone lot better. Stay positive.

Take Care

Thank you Shani I can relate so well to your advice. I do need to move on and let go for once and for all. But it is so hard. Good luck with everything.

Thank you Kuhu.

you are grieving…….there is no time limit on that. and in my opinion we never let go completely or once and for all. but it gets easier.

it makes perfect sense to me that him having a baby would trigger your pain over your abortions. i'm so sorry. all i can say is you made the best decision you could make at that time in your life knowing what you knew. it's awfully unfair!!!!!!

grieve your decision. grieve your losses. take your time and allow for this so you can actually heal instead of putting a bandaid on and moving on. i have had an abortion (not twins) and i never went on to have kids that i desperately wanted out of life and i still have pain over that. i'm 46 now. no kids. my abortion scars me more than the rape the pregnancy came from. that will always be a tender spot in my heart but i have had to learn to live with my decision knowing i did the best i could with the tools i had at that time in my life.

big hugs to you….

Sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to cry and really feel the pain so that we can move thru it. I am finding that I never really allowed myself too much time in between men so that I never really healed from the prior relationship. I was afraid of the pain. I did not want to feel the pain. But to not feel the pain is to deny us our own feelings. This has only driven me farther from myself. I need to remember to feel no matter if it is good or bad. I also need to know that they are just feelings they do not need to rule my world.