DO NOT feel like that. I broke it so many times. I probably broke the NC record of contacting lol. I would do good for a while like even a month or 6 weeks and then ya a few drinks and bang I would do it. I wouldnt get a response either so I would follow up with a text saying and unless its to say sorry dont bother texting me lol. A lot of us do it. Sure I regret it but if I need to do it and do it, so be it...he caused me so much grief if I fell off the NC wagon and he had to get a text from me so be it. Tomorrow is a new day and start again. Eventually it will end. I obsessed about her too. But it wont be any different for her then it was for you..ever..and there will be one after her. Let it go and start new. The more they dont answer the worse you feel. I even got creative and said I was engaged and finally got a response. Now why that would make him respond I will never know..he owed me money he wasnt paying me either..but his response was he was happy for me and that I would not be receiving the money he owed me because I lied and cheated on him in our relationship. This from a guy who dumped me had a new gf within in 3 weeks and rented a house with her within 5 weeks and I was told he was seeing her before he dumped me. So why respond to my engagement text..not the 40 before? Hurt ego..I found someone? (who I didnt lol). They are warped. But dont feel bad the great thing about breaking NC is you can start over...never to late.

As ladytruee said, do not feel bad. After all the NC you have been doing, its ok. The positive of this, is its a total reminder of WHY you are in NC and that you ARE doing the right thing. We all slip up sometimes. I still search for my ex on dating websites and we've been broken up over a year.
Just because you texted him, doesn't mean you have to start at the beginning of your healing process either. Just take it as a reminder of why you are in NC in the first place. *hugs*

I agree with all that's been written to you so far.....now you are entering into NC "phase 2" (or whatever number it is, but you know what I mean). I can say it wasnt until after NC phase 3 that I really got it....that is, WHY I had dumped him in the first place.....and my "mistake" of breaking NC has helped towards the future success of NC....so far anyway.

Your exemple shows so very clearly how this is all about control....that is, HIM wanting control and being in the driving seat. When YOU ignored him, YOU were in control.......now HE has it by ignoring you.
But YOU can take it back again by deciding once again that no matter what he does, you are going to move on - you are choosing to take back the power he has over you...and go NC again.

Give yourself a hug, dont be too hard on yourself.....xo

Thank you ladytruee and goingup for your support this is the first time i have felt so desperate like this.Sometimes its like this pain and obtrusive thoughts will never leave me.I remember SusyP has said that it can take up to a year for these thoughts to go.I guess im kidding myself to expect this Asshole to acknowledge me or what he did to me.

As SusyP said in another thread, do not look to him for validation. Look for it in yourself. I am having a breakthrough (thanks in part to all of you) where I see now even more clearly what the xN was really about and how I'm someone with a lot to offer. He took that and more from me, but he won't ever again. He's not even worth obsessing about anymore. I know I have a few more months of crying jags ahead of me but I will just let them happen and watch them fade away with his memory.

And please don't feel bad. I have been tempted to break NC a few times and always fought it. Do the unsent letter - it really helped to gel my thoughts about him and the "thing" we had.

Hugs :)

http://www.scribd.com/doc/36067357/The-Unsent-Letter-Guide
(by the incredible NML)

Get back on the NC horse. Any contact is deadly and only serves to scramble our brain.

Yes to everything that has been said. NC is hard but with time it will get easier, every single time I broke NC I was reminded of the jerk I left behind. It just gives you reassurance of how NC helps you keep your sanity and self-love and respect. Try it again, the need of contact will soon disappear. Hugs!

Been there and done that, and got the battle scars to prove it...LOL.

I have also broken NC before and it is never a different result. My heartbreaks for us. Not in a pitiful woe it's me way, but it's challenging trying to rebuild our lives.

I know the feeling of wanting validation from them. For me it's like, I want him to replace what he took...if that makes sense.

If it wasn't for my pride I would be writing and popping up at the prison. He has been so mean to me, I can't stand the rejection anymore...so I will not contact him. However, I couldn't master him reaching out to me without falling for the lies.

So don't beat yourself up. Some people can go cold turkey without a second thought. Some of us give into the addiction. I believe if our hearts sincerley want change and wholeness we will get it. It takes work and commitment.

Once again thank you all so much for your support and knowledge.You wonderful group of ladies have been my lifeline.Like you say susyp back on the horse.Iknow i can do this.And lassie1958 it comforts me how you said about the different phases of NC i have moved to part 2 hopefully getting closer to the light at the end of all this.