I am so sorry you are in this situation. He is not a well man, and, as you said, you don't see how he can ever change. What's for certain is that YOU can't change him, but you can change your situation. You need to get to a safe place, you owe this to yourself. You can do this! You are worth it!

love artgrrl

Big hugs. I'm so sorry to hear you go through this.
This man is destroying your soul. That is what they do. They take away your life.
He does not know how to love. And you are right: he will never change. They never change.
Don't feel like a failure for giving up on the marriage. As long as you are in this marriage, you will not truly be able to live your life. He will drag you down and make you feel like nothing so you cannot live anymore.
I hope you will find the strength to one day leave. You have it within you.
Sending you a big long distance hug x

So sorry to hear about what you are going through. In my last relationship, I thought the same as you and kept working at it. But the biggest lesson I learnt from that experience is "perseverance isn't a virtue" when it comes to relationships that harm you. I came out of it determined to put all that love and care I showered on him on myself and things have never been this better.

I wish you strength to take care of yourself and get to a safe place. I know it is not easy, but you can do it and like goingup said, doing so will not make you a failure. Your first priority is to yourself, not him or the marriage.

Much love.

Lucida it's good to see you posting again in here, sharing what has made you strong and giving strength to others.

Thanks Artgrrl,
I sort of went "within" for a few months. I guess I needed to do that as part of the healing process. I feel more open to people now. Going on holiday soon, but will be back mid October.

Although my first husband wasn't physically aggressive he could cut me down with just a couple of words, I wasn't afraid of him, but I quickly learned who the boss was and everything was his way or no way, I had no say in anything about out marriage and home life and after years of that I just withdrew and did whatever it took to keep the peace in our home, I was just a shell of a woman by the time I got out. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but I did it. I stuck it out for 20 years and when I finally had the strength and courage to get out I did and never looked back. I didn't want to be divorced, my parents were and I had vowed I never would do that to my kids but life is meant to be happy and joyful, if you don't have that in your life, it's up to us to change whatever it is that is bringing us down, in our case our marriage. It's not worth staying if nothing changes, they will never change and you will be walking on egg shells the rest of your marriage. Yes, marriage is very throw away these days, but some of that is women standing up for themselves. We can't tell you what to do, but one day you'll just know it's time and get out. Stay strong, focused and starting seeing how you'd be without him controlling you. Hugs

welcome back Lucidak, hope you're well and enjoy your holiday. Can I come too??? ha ha